I (29f) got a case of the ick from my (29m) fiancé, would you have too?

A Reddit user shared their frustration about their fiancé (29M) asking his mom to help clean and organize his office after the user had expressed exhaustion from taking on the majority of household responsibilities.

While their fiancé has made some progress after a recent discussion, his reliance on his mom for cleaning and organization struck a nerve, especially since the user feels it’s a task he could easily handle himself. To learn more about the situation and how others responded, read the full story below.

‘ I (29f) got a case of the ick from my (29m) fiancé, would you have too?’

My fiancé and I haven’t been in a great place lately. We finally had a talk and one of the things that’s been bothering me is that I have to initiate ALL of the house labor (chores, bills, maintenance, schedules, etc.) He will help occasionally but usually doesn’t and I’ve also just stopped asking and do it myself.

One of the things he kept asking me before was to schedule a day where we both could work on cleaning his office and I could give him organization ideas. The thing is, on my days off, I clean the WHOLE house. I don’t touch his room because that’s his mess in his room. But his mess in the rest of the house, I had been cleaning (until now).

I really didn’t want to spend my day off helping him clean something he could realistically do at any time by himself, or when he gets off work (he’s off before me). After our talk he agreed to be better, and he has taken some noticeable steps towards being better. Today though he said “my mom is going to come over and help me clean and organize that room.”

I straight up told him “you can clean it, why is she helping?” I actually like his Mom a lot and don’t mind her in our house, but we’re with his family constantly and sometimes I don’t want them in my house. Also, why does his Mom have to help him clean?

He uses the excuse of wanting help with organization, but he could watch a tiktok or read a book on it. He just wants someone to help him clean out his stuff. Would this bother you too or am I being dramatic?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

hopskipandajump7 −  Fast forward to the future…. it’s 5 years from now. You two are married, and have a baby. You ask him to watch the baby for a few hours so you can get some time away. He calls his mom to come over and “help.”. Good luck.

Tamika_Olivia −  Of course you got the ick. He needed his mommy to come do his chores. Like, this is a preview of what your marriage will be like, should that still happen.

jenn5388 −  Yeah. This is the “you do it so much better than me” weaponized incompetence b**lshit. He doesn’t need help. He needs someone to do it for him and he found out you aren’t willing to do that, he’ll just call mommy.

SomethingClever70 −  Of course it bothers you. He thinks cleaning and organizing is women’s work. He tried to manipulate you into doing it, and now that he failed, he has manipulated his mother into doing it. I will bet that he will do maybe 20 percent of the work, while she does most of it. This is how he will keep treating you once you marry. It’s not cool at all. You gotta nip this in the bud now.

Embarrassed-Panic-37 −  The fact that you’re even questioning this is what’s wrong with society in general. The bar for men is really ridiculously low. Honestly, you should be questioning why you didn’t “get the ick” before. I have to initiate ALL of the house labor (chores, bills, maintenance, schedules, etc.)

He will help occasionally but usually doesn’t and I’ve also just stopped asking and do it myself. He lives there. It’s 50% his responsibility. Not a favour he’s doing to you. One of the things he kept asking me before was to schedule a day where we both could work on cleaning his office and I could give him organization ideas.

So even for _his_ thing he expects you to do the emotional labour? Today though he said “my mom is going to come over and help me clean and organize that room.”. Ugh. Would this bother you too or am I being dramatic?. I would’ve long left.

Midwitch23 −  Yeah him shirking his responsibilities is not endearing at all. What he took from your conversation, where he agreed to step up, was that it wasn’t the woman in the house’s job to fix his room and he needs to find another woman to fix his room.

Is this the future you want? Because this is what you’re getting. Imagine how it would be in 2, 5, 10 years time or if you have children. I don’t think he’s seeking an equal partner. Looks more like he wants a housekeeper/personal assistant who has s** with him.

sugarmag13 −  Another woman dating a child and others making excuses for him

Neolithique −  Did… did that child tell his mother on you for “making” him clean?

[Reddit User] −  My Dad has ADHD. He struggles with organization and keeping spaces clean because he can not picture the finished project. Like, he doesn’t know where to start. Lists don’t help. What DOES help is a picture of the space cleaned and organized and then he uses that to work back. Once the office is clean and organized, take a photo, print it out and hang it in his office. If its an ADHD thing that might help.

AwokenDiscontent −  I don’t feel like you’re being dramatic. It would be a turn off for me as well. Does he have ADHD or other issues that may make it more difficult? Even then, I feel like an almost 30 year old should be able to handle cleaning up after himself in one room in the house.

Maybe you should come up with a chore chart, lol. Hope long have you been together? Has he always struggled with helping out around the house? Is his office used for work or just gaming? And is it so filthy, he may be o**rwhelmed?