I [29F] am traveling overseas to meet my online “boyfriend” [38M] in a week. He just said he had to cancel.

A Reddit user (29F) is in distress after her online boyfriend (38M), whom she met five months ago through r/penpals, told her he has to cancel their upcoming meeting in Ireland due to his ex-girlfriend being in a serious car accident.

The user had already booked a flight and was eagerly anticipating the trip, but now feels uncertain about whether to go or cancel. Read the original story below.

‘ I [29F] am traveling overseas to meet my online “boyfriend” [38M] in a week. He just said he had to cancel.’

I made a new account for this post. I will try to not make this post a ramble-fest. I am freaking out and I don’t know what to do.
I met someone online through r/penpals about 5 months ago. It started off getting to know each other and it turns out we had a lot in common and were really compatible…

I think its safe to say we fell for each other. It quickly turned intense and we shared every single intimate detail about each other. We both were in serious relationships that fell through but some time had gone by for us.

My 7 year relationship ended about a 10 months ago (5 months before we met) and his 4 year relationship ended 4 months before we met. We text all day every day and FaceTime for 2-3 hours every night save for maybe 1 or 2 nights a week.

He lives in Ireland. I live in the US. I found an incredibly priced flight to visit him. We were both so excited and maybe a bit rash, I booked the flight only after 2 months of knowing him. He told his family about me, shared photos of his family, and we planned all that I am going to do and see with him.

At 530 this morning I received a video message and a long text that his ex-GF was in a serious car accident and that he would have to cancel. I’ve begged him not to and I am trying to be supportive of what he is going through. So far at most I’ve only gotten that he will try.

That he needs to sort this out. I’m freaking out in that 7 days I will be in a country where I don’t know anyone. Do I cancel the flight? I’ve been telling my friends about going on a trip (not really saying that I’m meeting somebody)… I have no idea what to do now. I feel sick. I feel like a fool. I feel like everything he said to me was a lie. What do I do?

Check out how the community responded:

[Reddit User] −  All of this sounds super suspicious. I’d wager this ex-girlfriend 1) wasn’t in a car crash and 2) isn’t an ex. I’d reach out to him and tell him you’re really hurt he canceled after he knew you had booked travel, that his responses to you have raised some red flags, and that this “relationship” is no longer working for you.

Since you paid for the flight and Ireland is awesome, I’d suggest going and making it a solo adventure. Traveling alone can be very rewarding. If you decide to go, I hope you have a great time.

ChilledOutKite −  In seven days you’re going to a country where you don’t know anyone… and have a fantastic time. We’re you planning on staying with him? Is there a cheap hostel you could book into instead?

If he has to cancel on you… don’t let that hold you back from having an awesome time with the money you spent and the time off you planned. Have a look at some stuff you can do by yourself. Ireland is a great place to visit!

Who knows, he might get his act together while you are there. Right now you’re just dealing with shock – calm down, look for positives… take things as they come.

Landros −  I’ll be honest, his ex-gf being in a car crash a week before you come over shouldn’t effect his ability to make time for you even if he was to go out and see her. From what I’ve seen of people in online relationships, there is often one party that bails approaching a meet up date as things are suddenly to become real.

This is a big possibility but I’m not saying it’s definitely the case. I definitely wouldn’t cancel unless you can get a refund. You could use the time to explore the country by yourself and turn it into a good, empowering experience.

[Reddit User] −  Everything he said likely *was* a lie since this is a classic catfish line. Just because someone can FaceTime you doesn’t mean every other thing about them isn’t b**lshit. I’m sorry this happened.

I’d still take the trip and have an excellent time. Find things that interest you and go do/see them! It’s an awesome opportunity to see the world and I wouldn’t pass it up just because the opportunity came from a s**tty situation originally.

Mollzor −  He’s still living with his girlfriend (not ex), or at least he is still serious with her. Now you booked a ticket and all of a sudden this is real and he is freaking out and trying to make it go away.

I know this sucks to hear, but you don’t know if anything he’s told you is true. You can’t know that he told his family about you. It is very easy to lie on the internet.

Did you book hotel or were you planning on staying with him? If the latter, what is it about this guy that makes you ignore all the safety precautions when it comes to meeting someone from the internet?

Janey_Cakes −  Go, but block his number, block him on social media, delete everything, and DO NOT reach out to him again. You begged him? F**k that. Worst case scenario he’s a total l**r and in a relationship. Best case, he got cold feet and panicked. Either way, he’s no one you need to waste anymore time on.

fizzvoting −  Cancel the boyfriend, go on the trip. Stay at a cheap hostel, meet some fellow travelers (maybe have a fun hostel fling to help forget about this guy?), have an amazing time.

[Reddit User] −  Can you afford to travel alone and enjoy your solo trip? This guy, whether he’s lying because he’s not who he represented himself to be or he’s just getting cold feet, is not reliable or trustworthy. End the relationship and focus on possibly finding a healthy relationship with someone you can see and get to know in person.

FiveDollarSoccerBall −  I was in a similar situation, cept the b**tard bailed on after I already arrived. And like others have suggested I turned it into a normal vacation for myself! Find a place to stay, look up local sights, a few good restaurants, and enjoy yourself!

confettis −  Good news is, Ireland is a wonderful place for a girl alone. I made so many awesome friends, drunk kisses, fell in love with the history and literature, the food (seafood along the coast), the accent! Go have an adventure!

Have you ever been in a situation where something unexpected threw off your travel plans or meeting someone you trusted? How would you approach this if you were in the user’s shoes? Do you think the boyfriend’s situation is genuine, or is there something more to consider? Share your thoughts below!