I (27M) found pictures of my girlfriend (23F) t*pless on the beach at night with strangers

A Reddit user shares his dilemma after discovering that his girlfriend of five years has been hiding a compromising picture taken during a vacation. In the photo, she is t*pless with strangers, leading to a breakdown in trust and a heated argument.

Despite her apologies and explanations, the user feels betrayed and is considering breaking up, though he’s also conflicted about the idea of losing her. The couple had been planning a future together and had even booked a trip to Japan, which adds complexity to the situation. The user is struggling to reconcile his feelings of hurt and love, unsure whether the relationship can recover.

‘ I (27M) found pictures of my girlfriend (23F) t*pless on the beach at night with strangers’

A bit of background: My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We have lived most of this time at a distance, because both of us did periods of study abroad, now we live in the same country but different cities , about 2-3 hours of driving away from each other. We manage to spend together almost every weekend,

and we were used to much bigger distances when we were living in different european nations, so the distance we have now is no big deal. I’m currently working in my hometown (which is her hometown too), she is still studying for her master’s degree and will finish in one year.

Recently I got a job opportunity in her city and thought it would have been nice to work there for one year and stay together. I didn’t previously plan to go there, but I was contacted for a position by an ex colleague of mine and I liked the company. She’s renting a house with one male flatmate and I suggested her to leave that house and rent a place with me instead.

This was all just to test the ground as I wasn’t even interviewed yet, but wanted to talk to my girlfriend before that. She told me she is not ready to live together and wanted me to rent a separate place, she said she would stay often at my place but wanted to keep her own too. Given this reaction,

I didn’t want to move there anymore, instead she insisted that she wanted me to move, but in a separate house. This made no sense for me, because the job was nice but nothing I couldn’t find everywhere else, and my hometown is bigger and has more jobs in my field, the main reason I wanted to move was to stay with her.

I told her that given that she wasn’t ready to share an apartment with me, I would look for jobs in other cities and go where I could find the better opportunity, in my country or the neighboring one. After we had this conversation, she left for 10 days to go on a vacation at the sea with a friend.. ​

The fact: When she was on vacation, she partied every night and posted a lot of pictures where she was dancing and drinking. I was naturally a bit jealous but I thought she was innocently having fun. I’m also on vacation by the sea, in a different place, where my family has a flat, and invited her here when her previous vacation was over, so two days ago I went to pick her up at the airport and brought her here.

The morning after she was showing me pictures of her vacation on her phone, and while scrolling she suddenly ends up on something she does not want me to see and locks her phone in embarrassment. The only thing I saw in that moment was a picture of her leaning on a guy, and thought that was what she didn’t want me to see.

At this point I was angry knowing she wanted to hide something from me. We stopped talking to each other for an hour then she came to show me the pictures and apologize. She showed me this picture of her on the beach at night, with 4 boys and another girl, going for a midnight swim. All other people were wearing swimsuits,

but she didn’t have one, so she was was with her underwear and no bra. She was wearing an open men shirt, borrowed from one of the guys, with her tits out in the open. I don’t know the people in the picture, she says they are her friend’s friends. I’m heartbroken since I saw that picture and I feel like my entire life has crumbled to pieces.

I would have never expected her to do this to me, and I also don’t understand why she would be so lacking of self-love to just show herself to strangers like this. I asked her for explanation multiple times yesterday and got different responses. Her story is this: she was wearing no bra but wanted to swim and didn’t want to wet her t-shirt so borrowed a shirt from one of the guys.

She said she closed the shirt and it just happened that the picture was taken meanwhile she was closing it. This makes no sense because she was actively posing in the picture and making a face for the camera. Later she told me that she was upset for our discussions about cohabitation and wanted to do something reckless to forget about our problems for a while.

I sent her away on a train this morning and told her I want to spend my vacation alone and told her I’m considering breaking up. Right before she hopped on the train we both started crying and I held her in my arms for a couple minutes. I feel what she’s done justifies breaking up, also I’m not sure if those pictures show everything or are just the tip of the iceberg.

However, it’s very difficult for me to break up. Our relationship has been perfect up to this time, we shared a lot of intense moments together, thought she was the love of my live and always loyal to me, was planning everything for a future together. Those have been 5 beautiful years and it’s hard to imagine my life without her.

However, this thing came as a punch to my stomach and I don’t feel I can trust her anymore afterwards. Is there a way to recover or are we done for? I’m hating her for what she has done to me, but am terrified of losing her and would feel miserable without her. When I told her I’m considering breaking up she said she would do everything in the world to get back with me,

that I’m all her life, and that she’s ashamed of what she did. One additional issue: we have already paid for a travel to japan together later this year and can’t get the money back. I want to go with her anyway. Am I being too soft? How should I handle it?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

joe-dirt-1001 −  No one has a perfect five year LDR. And I seriously doubt they’ve ever sat down and established boundaries. The fact that you are LDR, why are you both taking separate vacations? Not wanting to live together is understandable. That is a huge step, regardless of the length of the relationship when you haven’t been in that situation before.

I would say that there is a lot that you two don’t know about each and each others lives. There is a huge difference between seeing each other hours a day everyday and then moving in together and seeing each other much less and then trying living together.

Overall you two need to sit down and talk. About everything. The direction of your lives, goals, what you expect from a partner, etc. But at the end of the day, only you can decide if you want to know and forgive whatever has been going on so far.

SmokedMussels −  My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years.. and She told me she is not ready to live together. So, even without the titties out, 5 years and she is not ready to even ready to live together, this relationship is not progressing

Bedtimeshine −  Dude… there is a metric f**k ton that you don’t know. She showed her tits because she didn’t want to live together? Riiiiiight. And that was her second story. Was the picture of her leaning on the guy even in the pics she showed you?

everyting_is_taken −  So many things to unpack here. She immediately locked the phone and then showed you an hour later? I’m willing to bet that in that hour she deleted more incriminating photos. She chose to act recklessly after not liking how your conversation about moving in with her went. I doubt that stopped at being topless around these guys.

Did you end up getting a close look at the photo of her leaning against the guy? Was it his shirt? Was she topless in that photo? That one is far more intimate than the posing with the shirt open one, in my opinion. She rents a house with a male flatmate and doesn’t want you there. You see how that looks, right? Again, not surprised at all if they’re f**king.

How well do you know that guy? How does he treat you? None of this looks good. At all. Honestly, I think you need to call time on this one and focus on you. As for the Japan trip, that money is spent whether you go or not. Personally I would not. Not with her anyway. Maybe you can end things amicably enough that one of you can buy the other one out. Sorry, dude, but I don’t see a future here.

[Reddit User] −  When I told her I’m considering breaking up she said she would do everything in the world to get back with me. Except move in with you, right? Except keep her tits covered infront of other young guys, right? Except tell you the truth about that night? So she’s not willing to do anything.

gorpOH −  I think you two are just at different points in life. You seem to want to settle a bit. And she wants to remain young and free. I personally dislike your comment about her “not loving herself enough” to cover her breasts. A woman can love herself 110% no matter how she dresses or what parts of her body she shows off. Buuut, that being said, you two clearly just dont have the same standards.

rsoannoying −  If you guys have been together for five years you started dating when she was around 18-19. She might really love you but feels trapped because she never had a chance to explore other options. I feel like her hiding the pictures was in really poor taste and she should’ve been upfront with you but she might be struggling with her feelings.

The fact that she’s not too keen on moving in with you might mean she’s not ready for a full blown commitment. I would talk it out and see how she feels because 5 years is a long time and if everything up to now has been great it might just be a issue of miscommunication.

[Reddit User] −  I don’t really think being topless on a beach is a huge deal. It’s not the same thing as having an emotionally or physically intimate relationship with someone. She may or may not be cheating, but *that* isn’t cheating. It’s also a red herring. You have real relationship questions here, and her being topless on a beach is the least important.

Why have you been long distance so long? Why don’t you want to move to her city but have your own places while you get used to not being long distance? Living together adds another complication. I understand you would rather live together, but being long distance is like not being in a real relationship at all;

how do you think she felt when you said you didn’t want to be close to her if it wasn’t on her terms? Why didn’t she want to live with you? You’ve been together for a long time. Did you get a good explanation on this?

And I mean, *apart from this recent fight*, do you love each other? Do you want to be together or not? You seem more upset about her being too less on a beach and how that reflects on you and less concerned about whether you guys are a good match.

superanon2001 −  Weird relationship, dude.

[Reddit User] −  To me it really does seem like the photo is the tip of the iceberg. The fact that she doesn’t want to move in with you seems shady too. Seems like she’s hiding something more and understands that crossing such boundaries is unacceptable in your relationship.

It’s understandable to be lonely when living apart and how frustrating it can be, I’m in a LDR myself for over 4 years and desperately want to move in with my bf, so I don’t understand how she isn’t as happy as you are at this opportunity. If it helps, perhaps you could talk to her about your relationship and get closure about why this happened and why she betrayed your trust like that.. Best of luck

Do you think trust can be rebuilt after such a betrayal, or is this a clear sign the relationship is over? How would you handle the emotional weight of being torn between love and the need for self-respect? Share your thoughts below and offer support to those facing difficult decisions in relationships.