I (27F) moved in next door to my husband’s (29M) parents. Privacy gone. I’m desperate and feeling like giving up on everything. How can I fix my marriage?
A woman (27F) shares her struggle with living next door to her husband’s (29M) parents after their recent marriage. The constant involvement of his family in their lives has led to a loss of privacy and independence, leaving her feeling trapped and unheard. Read her story below.
‘ I (27F) moved in next door to my husband’s (29M) parents. Privacy gone. I’m desperate and feeling like giving up on everything. How can I fix my marriage?’
My (27F) husband (29M) and I got married this year after a few years of dating. It was a rough start because of the bachelor party – we agreed a simple dinner and activities in the afternoon for both, no bars, no clubs. WE agreed (literally came from him).
He obviously went to the bars and clubs (and more was in the plans) and then requested all his friend keep it a secret from me. I found out, it blew up, almost didn’t get married. We decided we’d move back to his hometown to have a more quiet life after the wedding.
His parents had an empty house available so we moved there (about 5ft from his parents). I was concerned with being so close to his parents because they always try to be very involved and cause us issues in the relationship, but my husband promised he would shield me from that and try to give me as normal as a life here as possible.
Just for context, I wanted to move to my hometown (bigger, better options for schools one day etc) but he wanted to save money and move into this house, so I gave in. The reality of living here is that I feel like I’ve lost all my privacy and in part my independence.
Every topic or issues becomes a family/community issue – he talks to his family about verything, lets them know everything. A simple delivery man coming to the house to deliver something big ends up in a huge discussion with his parents because they b**t in and want to do help???
I come home, his parents are there to greet me. We leave for a trip, he goes to give his mother a kiss goodbye and tell her where we’re going, how, and when we come back. The mailman leaves my mail at his parents.
His aunt is trying to decorate our house for us, and just the other day left a plant at my door and said she has bought more because houses need to be decorated and she wants to do it. His other aunt needs something delivered and we’re leaving the house? Of course we’ll go drop it off.
I am unwillingly part of a community. Now to some people this might be perfectly fine… but I’m the person that has no social media, tells no one about my life, likes privacy, independence, figuring things out alone.
And I discussed this with my husband! He is aware of this. But he doesn’t care. I feel betrayed. What can I do? I’ve talked to him, but he doesn’t understand me.
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Champion_Flight − Your husband isn’t failing to understand you, he’s choosing to ignore you. He’s shown a pattern: lied about the bachelor party, broke his promise about shielding you from his family, and manipulated you into moving next to his parents despite knowing your preferences.
This isn’t a privacy issue, it’s a husband who systematically dismisses your boundaries while pretending to agree with them. He knows you’re private then broadcasts your life to everyone.
These aren’t mistakes, they’re his actual values wrapped in convenient lies to get what he wants. You’re not losing your independence; it’s being actively stripped away.
AdAmbitious7339 − I tried to have a conversation with him again. It always goes back to him saying that why should he have to compromise on what he loves (his parents, talking to them all the time about everything, relying on them for everything etc) to make me happy?
He does that and I will be happy, but he will be unhappy. So I left. I just left the house. I’m typing this out of my local library and I just booked a Hotel room which is where I’m going. I feel so exhausted… It’s always him and about him and about his family. I am tired of him and his family.
WildlifePolicyChick − It’s not that he doesn’t *understand*, it’s that he doesn’t *care*. He has exactly what he wants. A life entwined with his parents’ in his small town. Unless you have a serious talk with him about drawing lines between your lives and theirs, and he BACKS those boundaries, then…. This is what you are going to get.
You could try marriage counseling, but even the best therapist cannot make your husband **care**. So you can have more significant conversations complete with ‘I will not continue to live this way’, and sessions with a MC, and see if he can truly shift his actions.
However, and again, it seems evident that this is what he wants and it is not going to change. This is who he has been; this is who he is now; this is who he is going to be. So after your good faith effort, and things do not improve, you’ll have two choices: Accept it and stay, or accept it and go.. Good luck OP.
Puzzled-Safe4801 − Ultimately, it sounds like you’re incompatible. It also seems that he doesn’t want to be married. Don’t get pregnant while he’s still a man-child.
Mindless-Yellow634 − I think you married the wrong person.
Dear_Parsnip_6802 − You’re an accessory to his life. He calls the shots and you follow. He always knew he was going to clubs for his bachelor party he just didn’t want you to do it so he lied.
This man does not have your best interests at heart. He is selfish and uncaring. I’m afraid it will take drastic action from you. Are you able to go and stay with family for a bit just so you can breathe without someone noticing.
galiumgirl − “WE agreed (literally came from him).” Am I reading this right that the no bars and clubs thing was his idea originally? This sounds like a control tactic to me. It could be a thing where he gets you to think you’re on the same page but in reality he just doesnt want YOU to go to bars and clubs, but in his mind he’s free to do what he wants.
Powerful_Debt_2787 − I have just left a situation like this just over 6 weeks ago so good luck gal, hopefully yours works out better than mine. You need to 100% set boundaries they shouldn’t be involved in every aspect of your life. If your husband doesn’t get that then you should maybe consider moving house or leaving.
The fact of the matter is no matter what they will always have their sons back 9 times out of 10 and to be in an environment making you feel so uncomfortable isn’t alright this is your life and you deserve to feel like you have your own space and time,
and that not everyone knows everything, you should feel at home not on edge all the time and like you don’t have any you time. A discussion is needed sooner the better hun xox
Quiet-Hamster6509 − ” I can’t live like this anymore. Getting married and moving here was a mistake. I’m going to be arranging to move back home, I’ll speak to my lawyer about an annulment as it’s cheaper than leaving it till later and we have to divorce. “
When he asks why you can say, you’ve failed every promise you’ve made and ignored me so much in not surprised your asking this. Make no mistake, his parents have made him like this.
shame-the-devil − Go visit your family for a week without him. Take all the important documents, things you can’t live without. Once you get there, you’ll hopefully have time to think clearly and make a plan. Unfortunately this sounds like a situation you will have to escape from.
Living close to family can blur boundaries, especially when expectations differ. Do you think the husband should prioritize creating a private, independent life with his wife, or is this level of familial involvement acceptable in marriage? How would you approach setting boundaries in such a situation? Share your thoughts below!