I (27F) have romantic and confused feelings for my coworker (30F). We have more or less been living together since COVID started and she is openly gay. I don’t know if i am, and i am terrified i will lose my only friend if i mess this up.

A woman, who had been struggling with romantic feelings for her coworker, finally opened up about her confusion and attraction. She realized she might be developing feelings for her coworker, Laura, who is openly gay. After some reflection and encouragement from Reddit, she confessed to Laura, and they shared a kiss.

However, Laura wants to take things slow, urging her to carefully consider her feelings and the challenges that might come with dating a woman. The relationship remains in its early stages, with a lot of self-reflection ahead. Read the original story below.

‘ I (27F) have romantic and confused feelings for my coworker (30F). We have more or less been living together since COVID started and she is openly gay. I don’t know if i am, and i am terrified i will lose my only friend if i mess this up.’

Some backstory i was engaged for 3 years to my ex (34M) up until late 2018. He was a terrible and a**sive person that screwed me up. I graduated from a good University with an Engineering degree, and even had a great job lined up, but stupidly decided to follow him to the middle of nowhere. I quickly realized i was trapped, and it took almost 2 years before i finally managed to get the courage to leave.

Last year i got an entry level position at a tech company (hard when you have no experience for 3 years) and moved away from my parents. My mentor was someone who i will call Laura, who to me is one of the most beautiful, strongest, smartest and nicest people i have ever met.

We ended up becoming close friends pretty quickly. I still cringe about it, but I told her about my previous relationship and how badly it damaged me. She introduced me to her friends, constantly invited me out to do things outside work. It was probably the first time i have had a friend since university.

After COVID started and we all had to WFH she invited me to work together with her at her home office instead of being confined to the suffocating bedroom i am renting. We have been working side by side since then.

It has slowly became more then just work. We go jogging in the morning, we would take turns making lunch and dinner or doing it together. After work we would play games, TV, etc. She constantly reassured me that i wasn’t being a pest and she constantly insisted that i come over. I was getting butterflies when i would see her like a teenager, and i felt depressed when i was not around her.

For the last few months, i have been struggling with my feelings, i don’t really know. I still find men attractive, but at the same time Laura makes me feel the same way. I will be honest there have been times where i have thought about kissing her.

But i am terrified and confused, i am terrified that if she rejects me it is going to destroy our friendship. My other issue is that at work she has seniority over me and i am terrified if i am just reading into everything too much.

This weekend we went to her family’s cottage, just the two of us. We shared a bed, and she asked me if i had ever considered being in a relationship with a woman. I hesitated a lot and then she immediately changed the subject.

Since then i have been panicking, i took today off saying i was sick (she pretty much insisted on marching over and taking care of me, but i asked her not to) to try and figure out my thoughts. But i don’t know.

I talked to my Mom today who gave me a completely different perspective, and told me that i am not gay and i am just becoming overly attached because of what i went through, and i am terrified of losing my close bond with Laura if she starts seeing someone.

I guess what i am asking is what do i do? I don’t really have anyone else to ask right now.

**Thank you all. I am going to go tell her now, i pray it goes the way i hope it will.**

**Update** I told her I would be open to a relationship with a woman, and we kissed and it was fine? However she wants to take things very slowly, we are going to have a date this week. She also wants me to sort out of my feelings, and make sure this is really what i want. She also told me that dating a woman is completely different then being with a man.

She told me she doesn’t want to rush into anything, as i am confused by dating someone of my same gender. She also told me to think long and hard about this, she pointed out that she knows my family is quite religious and asked what would i do if they rejected the idea of me dating a woman.

She also said for now we need to keep this quiet. During work hours we need to be 100% professional, and focus on work among other things. Which i agreed with.

She also said if i am unable/uncomfortable with things like intimacy, being seen with another woman, etc would be deal breakers. However she said if i do realize i am not bi, then we can stay friends and just keep doing what we have been doing for awhile and it would be fine with her. I am a big mess of different emotions right now. So thank you reddit for giving me the final push to confess.

TL;DR; I have feelings for my gay single coworker, and after basically living with her for the last \~6 months or so i don’t know what i am supposed to do. I am terrified.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

rmoss7 −  So you are sleeping together in the same bed, on a weekend getaway to her family’s cottage and she asks you if you’ve considered a relationship with a woman and you’re still confused about if she likes you back?

My aunt dated men all her life and fell in love with a female coworker. Once her wife passed, she went back to men.

My uncle (different side of family) was married to a woman before divorcing, moving to California, and dating men. We love who we love. History doesn’t dictate the future.

musicdandy −  it sounds like she is a very trustworthy friend. i think if she rejects you, as you say, y’all might still be able to be friends. the fact that she has asked you if you have ever considered being with a woman might mean she’s gauging your interest? honestly, i know it’s hard, but i think you should share how you feel with her and see what happens. best of luck

Overall_Panic7108 −  Shes openly gay and asked if you would ever consider dating a woman?!? I think she maybe into you but also doesn’t want to push to hard. I think you should tell her how you feel and see how it goes. Also, you could just be pansexual. If you feel a connection with this person, romantically, the gender doesn’t matter.

fanaticboredom −  Would you feel miserable if she started dating someone else? If the answer is yes, I’d definitely tell her. If she likes you back, you can explore this kind of relationship more. If she doesn’t, she’ll probably find someone else, which would also happen if you didn’t tell her.

She sounds like a good friend, and I’d think she’d be very understanding of your feelings and help you to better understand them. Regardless of what you decide to do, I wish you luck!

succubus_in_a_fuss −  I am really hoping for a happy ending to this. I became ridiculously invested in this. Rooting for y’all!

seedypete −  This weekend we went to her family’s cottage, just the two of us. We shared a bed, and she asked me if i had ever considered being in a relationship with a woman. I hesitated a lot and then she immediately changed the subject.

I’m pretty sure this is a signal. She sounds like she’s been thinking of you in a romantic way, and frankly you two already sound like you have a very close relationship that goes somewhere past just being friends. I think you should trust your instincts and go for it, and don’t worry about what your mom said.

You know better than she does who you’re attracted to, and from the way you describe Laura it’s pretty clear that you’re attracted to her. Don’t overthink the labels, just trust your instincts.

sadcapricorn99 −  OP I hope telling her goes well but I think you should really work on growing your life beyond Laura if you end up dating. You’re her inferior at work, you don’t have other friends/support network and aren’t as financially secure as her.

I’m worried that you could fall into the same trap of being very reliant on a partner as with your ex, and end up in another relationship where if it doesn’t work out you’re left high and dry with all your cards are on the table.

resqw_ −  I’m best friends with people I have a past with, a guy and a woman. They’ve been my pillar and my support for the last eight years and we never thought to throw our friendship out of the window because of a failed confession (in one case), or because we almost had s** (the other one).

Real, ever lasting friendships won’t get broken over unreciprocated feelings. Maybe, for a short while, things could get awkward, but a good friendship can definitely end up standing after the storm.

Regarding your mom, it sounded like she has a very narrow view of sexuality. You’re not a lesbian if you still like men, you might be bisexual, or even pansexual, which are concepts that overlap but are not quite the same.

If you’re bisexual, you can have a tendency towards certain genders, if you’re pansexual, you can fall in love with people regardless of gender because of the emotional bond you build with them, which *might* be the case here.

With that said, she still has a point, and I think you need to go to a therapist. Don’t address the issues with your roommate firsthand, but ask what you should do to have a healthy, functional and happy relationship in the future, regardless of your partner’s gender.

Sit down, make yourself some linen tea (or whichever calming herbal tea you can get access to), and ask yourself: “Will I be able to be intimate with this person?, Present them as my partner? Spend my life with them?”.

My culture is quite different from american culture, but unless we just want hookups, we always enter a relationship with the intent for it to be a forever thing, and if you don’t see yourself with someone, or at least don’t see how you could build a future on the long run, pursuing them is not worth it.

I can perfectly understand why you’re so confused, especially because it’s the first time in your life you’ve fallen for someone of the same gender, but rest assured, you’re one in thousands of people who discovered their sexuality in their 30s.

It’s a spectrum, so, if your feelings keep escalating, it seems like you just needed to find the right woman to discover that side of yourself. All the luck to you! I wish you the best.

Sensitive_Wheel9203 −  Dude. She’s dropping ANVILS. Go for it!! I fell for a girl and it was so fun. Didn’t work out, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

MyCupOfJo −  Idk, I don’t normally think about kissing my close male friends. Perhaps since she asked you about how you feel about dating in the same s** you can revisit it. She could have a good insight on what it is to actually like women and maybe she can help you figure out your inner turmoil.

Taking the first step toward exploring a new aspect of yourself can be both thrilling and daunting. What advice would you give to someone grappling with their feelings of confusion and fear in a new relationship? Share your thoughts below!