I (27F) Don’t Want My Brother (29M) To Give Me Special Treatment For His Wedding. How Do I Tell Him Without Upsetting Him?

A woman (27F) finds herself at the center of her brother’s (29M) wedding planning as he makes special accommodations to ensure her comfort. Though touched by his efforts to shield her from a problematic cousin and provide her with a plus one despite his “no plus ones” rule.

She feels uncomfortable with the attention and wants to encourage him to plan his wedding his way. How can she express this without offending him? Read the full story below.

‘ I (27F) Don’t Want My Brother (29M) To Give Me Special Treatment For His Wedding. How Do I Tell Him Without Upsetting Him?’

My brother just got engaged last month to his girlfriend of two years. Despite the wedding not happening till 2027, my brother has began breaking down the guest list for our side. My brother’s list was simple: No kids under 10 with the exception of his three (10F, 8F, and 6M), no plus ones, and only first cousins (That’s still up in the air).

Yesterday, my brother said that the no plus one rule has an exception. Me. He also refuses to invite my uncle (59M) and his kids. My uncle’s son, Neuro (36M), has a history of ruining family events.

Neuro also bullies the s**t out of me for no reason other than me being an easy target. My brother could care less about that family, but he knows if I have to walk around egg shells to avoid Neuro and not enjoy the wedding, it will be bad for both of us.

I told my brother he didn’t have to make exceptions or plan his wedding around my comfort. However, he insisted on it. How do I tell him it’s his wedding without offending him? It’s his wedding, not mine, so he shouldn’t have to makes rules for me.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

razzledazzle626 −  I’m sorry, but why do you think this is about you….? That guy has a history of ruining events. This isn’t just about you lol

Top-Werewolf-6087 −  Fun fact: he knows it’s his wedding, and that’s why they’re not invited. If you had been begging and begging him not to invite them, then that would be different. However, he made the choice not to invite him because you are more important for him to have at the wedding.

As your brother, he knows the situation, and he wants you to enjoy the wedding and actually come. His wedding means that he can not invite whomever he wants for whatever reason. He doesn’t want them there. Accept that and be grateful.

OscillatingFox −  How do I tell him it’s his wedding without offending him? He knows it’s his wedding. That’s why he’s ruling the guest list with an iron hand. It’s his wedding, not mine, so he shouldn’t have to makes rules for me.

It’s not about you. It’s about who he wants at his wedding. He wants you to have a plus one and he doesn’t want that j**k uncle and his crappy kids. He is allowed to do those things! His reasons for inviting / not inviting people are just that: his reasons.

You would be a huge AH to demand your brother invite this awful person who ruins events when it is, as you keep saying, *his wedding*. Keep your nose out of his guest list, and if anyone asks you about it, just repeat that his guest list is his business.

AITA476510719 −  In my opinion: He’s not doing it for you, he’s doing it for himself. You’re just benefiting. I personally wouldn’t want that person at my wedding either. Not only that, even if it was for you. You state he could care less about him and that family.

So it wouldn’t be a bother and an incredibly easy decision just to not invite him so his sister, whom he does care about, doesn’t get s**t on at his wedding.

Outside-Ad-1677 −  Little bit of main character syndrome here. Neuro is an a**hole and isn’t invited to the wedding. You just happen to benefit from that. Calm down.

Predd1tor −  This isn’t a problem. Why are you making it one?

lookthepenguins −  However, he insisted on it. How do I tell him it’s his wedding without offending him? It’s his wedding, not mine, so he shouldn’t have to makes rules for me.

He knows it’s his wedding that’s why he’s making decisions and “rules” about it. Stop trying to tell him what to do, accept his decisions and enjoy his lovely wedding. Without the nightmare b**ly that nobody wants around. It’s not all about you.

Trasht79 −  It’s not ACTUALLY about you. He’s not doing it because he’s worried about your comfort. He knows it’s his wedding and he doesn’t want to be worrying about you on his day so he is doing what needs to be done so that he can have his most important people there without the drama.. Let him do what he needs to do.

MegGrriffin −  This isn’t about you baby girl!

aacexo −  almost everyone in the comments saying it’s not about you 😭

Balancing personal comfort with someone else’s big day can be challenging, especially when family dynamics are involved. Should she graciously accept her brother’s gestures, or is it better to insist he stick to his original vision? How would you navigate a situation like this? Share your thoughts below!