I (27F) can’t get my husband (28M) to help with our kid because he feels like it’s not his responsibility.

A 27-year-old woman opens up about her struggles with an unhelpful husband who refuses to participate in parenting their two-year-old daughter, claiming that his role as the “provider” absolves him of household and childcare duties—even though she works full-time and contributes equally to their finances. The situation reached a breaking point when he suggested having another child. Read her story below.

‘ I (27F) can’t get my husband (28M) to help with our kid because he feels like it’s not his responsibility.’

We’ve been together for 9 years, and married for 4 of them. We have a 2 year old daughter. Throughout the 2 years I can’t get him to help whatsoever. He’s never even changed a diaper, or even put her to bed. I have to do EVERYTHING.

I’ve brought it up plenty of times but last week he mentioned wanting to have another kid and I lost my chill. I told him I did not want any more kids just due to the fact that I have to do everything while he gets to do whatever.

He told me that having kids is my duty as a woman and that since he is the “provider” he is not supposed to help out at all since he helps out money wise. I would agree to this, expect for the part that I also work 40 hrs a week. I make about 85K a year and he makes around 115K.

We have split finances, and we split the bills nearly 50/50. After bringing this up he still said he’s the main provider so it doesn’t matter. I don’t know what to do. He was an amazing boyfriend and a husband but I feel like I’m drowning in my own life everyday.

TL;DR my husband doesn’t help at all with our baby because he is the “main provider” yet I still work 40 hours a week. He believes this is how a marriage should be. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

AnOutrageousCloud −  Get a divorce. This is who he is. Reality doesn’t matter. As long as he has you, he isn’t going to parent.

deadletter −  When you divorce he’s gonna learn what ‘half time parenting’ really is.

JuWoolfie −  Call his bluff. Tell him you’re quitting your job so he can be ‘the provider’ and then take a week off to go find a divorce lawyer.. You cant fix stupid.

goodbye-toilet-cat −  So his job is his work hours, and because you’re a woman and your salary is a statistically borderline meaningless percentage less than his, your job is your work hours plus 24/7 child rearing.

Lmao at him claiming to be the provider when you both work and make almost the same amount of money and pay the same amount of bills. What about any of this misogyny and selfishness and straight up LYING (he’s NOT “the main provider” by a long shot) is “amazing?”. Leave this man. Seriously.

AnythingButOlives −  So…you work full time AND take care of your kid and house?? Leave this l**er! You’d be better off as it sounds like you’re already a single parent.

Edit: just noticed this gem “***that since he is the “provider” he is not supposed to help out at all since he helps out money wise***.” So he’s stupid too bc a provider means he’s fully funding the household. Don’t raise a kid with this dude.

delphine1041 −  This man literally told you that he thinks he’s inherently worth more than you, and you’re just gonna try to work past that. Ew.

Extreme_Mixture_8702 −  You are a single married mother. Please leave him, at least then you’ll get a break during his custodial time with your child.

redditlurker1981 −  He’s not an amazing husband or partner. He needs a wake up call, instead of holding you to 80 year outdated b**lshit gender roles. If he brings up more kids remind him you already have two toddlers to raise, yours and the one his mother failed to properly raise. Or tell him if he’s the “provider” then you should get to quit your job and be a SAHM.

bullzeye1983 −  It amazes me people write full paragraphs about the ridiculous behavior or attitude of a partner and then say how amazing they are as a spouse. No, not they aren’t. You literally just outlined why. Please reread your own post.

c8ball −  So he wants a slave. Got it. Hey just a reminder, you don’t have to sacrifice your life to be with someone who won’t be a team with you. A marriage is a team, a partnership, and if he isn’t playing, neither should you.

How would you approach this kind of imbalance in a marriage? What advice or resources could help her address this issue effectively? Share your insights in the comments.