I [26M] upset a woman [20sF] and my friends are acting like I’m in the wrong.

A Reddit user shared a tense clubbing experience where a drunk woman threw her drink in his face after he rejected her advances out of loyalty to his girlfriend. In retaliation, he poured his beer on her head, leading to their group being kicked out of the club and his friends turning against him. Now, he’s seeking advice on how to handle the situation maturely. Read the original story below.

‘ I [26M] upset a woman [20sF] and my friends are acting like I’m in the wrong.’

I went out clubbing last night with my friends. There were seven of us, three guys including me and four girls. My girlfriend Hannah was meant to come too but she was feeling ill. I offered to stay in with her but she insisted I go out and have a good time. At the club my friends got talking to a group of women who apparently work in finance.

They were here for some kind of conference and were checking out the local places in their spare time. One of them, Lauren, started trying to chat to me and ask for my number. She was pretty but I was not interested as I have a girlfriend. I told her this but she then started asking for pics of Hannah. I showed her and she said that I ”could do better than that”.

I was very annoyed and told her to leave me alone. Later me and my friends were dancing, and Lauren and her group came up to us and she started trying to dance with me. I gave her the brushoff once again and moved away from her and she gave me a dirty look. A while later she came back and by that point was very drunk.

She smirked at me and threw her drink in my face. I was absolutely fuming and in response I poured my beer on her head. She started crying and ran to the bouncer who got us all kicked out. Everyone then proceeded to have a go at me.

I understand they were annoyed that we were kicked out, but everyone was acting like I was wrong to pour my drink on her. They all saw her splash her drink in my face, but everyone was saying it was n**ty to do that to a girl.

The ladies in our group were talking about how upset they’d be if someone ruined their dress/hair/makeup by doing that, but when I pointed out she did the same to me everyone said that it isn’t the same. Nobody said goodbye to me last night and I made my own way home.

I told Hannah what happened and she agrees that I didn’t do anything wrong. I tried explaining myself again over the groupchat but everybody ignored me. How do I sort this out in a mature way?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

ARightThere −  GET. NEW. FRIENDS.

PM_M3_RAND0M_STUFF −  Your friends are stupid. They were only saying that to justify their anger towards you, since you were “the reason” their night of fun ended. If you want to handle this maturely, show them this reddit post so they can see what this situation looks like from a third person’s perspective. Then, maybe if they’re not complete idiots, they’ll change their stance.

[Reddit User] −  Your friends f**king s**k. If some broad did that to my buddy, my beer would have been on her head before yours. Show your friends this post. They f**king s**k. As far as sorting this out in a mature way, I have no idea, I am not a mature person.

sleepingflower −  If I’m out with my friends and some random girl who I didn’t know well threw a drink at my friend I would have been in her face in a minute. Your friends should have been there for you from the minute she crossed the line.

I don’t really think you should have thrown your drink in her but do you i would have backed you up if you were my friend either way. She cane at you first and none of your female friends tried to intercept that? They aren’t your friends, get new ones.

longcatcsw −  I dont think it is ever adviseable to pour your drink on anyone. That being said, your friends are being awful. You had to turn her down multiple times. They should have been protecting you from her harassment, not berating you for getting fed up.. ETA: fixed my spelling.

[Reddit User] −  Gender does not change fair treatment. As a women I can say if I slap you, I whole heartedly expect you to do the same. Does it hurt because I’m “more sensititve”? Hell yes. Does that mean that my slap didn’t hurt the person I hit? Hell no.

[Reddit User] −  You definitely weren’t in the wrong… she was harassing you. Your friend are misinterpreting the situation, I think they’ll come around.

Ssabrisa −  The only thing I’d do differently (well I can’t imagine pouring a drink on anyone that’s because I’m timid and freeze, you were kind of self defending so meh) is I wouldn’t have shown her the photo. She didn’t have a right to cross that boundary.

People who hit on you within minutes (going further than getting to know you politely) are probably crazy and to be avoided and don’t deserve excuses or to see your photo. Just say no thanks and turn away. Leave if your group is enabling her or unable to defend you.

I’m mentioning it because it took me so long to learn that I don’t have to give a reason or debate when someone’s hitting on me or even asking things I don’t need to share. Silence is an answer too. Sorry your friends aren’t being very reasonable, I think you’ve done what you could by explaining it in a group chat.

SplintersApprentice −  As a woman and a feminist I say: equal rights equal fights. This b**ch didn’t respect your saying no, she then made the childish choice to splash her drink on you, and you retaliated. She had it coming and this “you can’t throw a drink on a woman” line your friends are pulling is b**lshit

beckyyall −  Wow I don’t think you were in the wrong at all. I’m 20sF and that’s a bs double standard. She was acting disgusting and you didn’t lead her on and sounded very clear with your lack of interest from the beginning. Not sure what’s your friend’s problems are- perhaps they have issue with your gf and are annoyed you weren’t just « going » with it? Idk.

That’s bizarre. She literally asked for it and deserved it. Sorry that happened. I would ask my friends why I should have handled it differently given the length of time of her continually degrading behavior and explain to them she was disrespecting your gf and yourself,

through her words and her literal action. It’s fine they don’t see it that way but you do and that’s all that matters. It’s none of their business to begin with, they got kicked out of a club one night. They’ll live.

Do you think the Redditor’s reaction was justified after being disrespected, or was it an overreaction that escalated the conflict? How would you handle a similar scenario in a public setting? Share your thoughts below!