I (26F) told my ex (25M) he can no longer be part of my pregnancy ?

A 26-year-old pregnant woman shared her decision to cut her ex-partner (25M) out of her pregnancy and their child’s life. The decision stems from his abusive behavior, including threats and physical harm, as well as his lack of emotional or financial support.

Living with her parents, who are unaware of her pregnancy, she is navigating the situation alone and prioritizing her mental health and the safety of her unborn child. The user is seeking validation for her decision and wondering about financial support options, such as child support, during her pregnancy.

‘ I (26F) told my ex (25M) he can no longer be part of my pregnancy ?’

Hey everyone ! I’m currently 10 weeks pregnant , and ultimately decided that the father of my baby should not and could not see us. For background , I made this decision based on the fact that he does not support me in any way, shape, or form. I currently live with my parents and am coping with my pregnancy alone.

worst part is , my parents are unaware I am pregnant (mostly due to me being unsure of my decision ultimately on what I plan on doing). My ex lives in a house shared with other roommates , so our child could not live there anyways. There have been multiple occasions where he has made threats of harming my child ; and has actually kicked me in the stomach prior.

Police were called , but no charges placed since he claims it was “self defense” since both of us were fighting and arguing with one another. I felt terrible after that situation because I was tired of feeling disrespected , and feeling like I was treated like crap while I was pregnant. I wanted to stand up for myself.

But I obviously made the situation way worse by letting it progress to that. I cried for days and he tried to apologize saying it was an accident. But I’m at the point that since I feel like my mental health has been declining more and I feel more distressed by keeping someone like this around , that he shouldn’t be involved anymore.

because I was already informed by many people that this abuse will continue. and I refuse to further endanger my child than they already have been. A lot of things have already happened , but I can’t control the past and can only control the future. But I just can’t handle being disrespected, being treated poorly, as well as threats being said toward my unborn child.

But the point of this post is to ask , am I a bad mother for not letting the father see their child in this circumstance? And is there any benefits I could receive like child support prior to my child being born ? I’m taking care of everything all by myself with no support or help. I am not currently working because of another illness. but the father is working two jobs.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

plastic_venus −  I’m going to preface this by saying I’m a DV social worker and have worked with women in your situation all the time. One of the most common causes of death in pregnant women is h**icide at the hands of their partners. He’s shown you he’s capable of this – stay away from him and keep reporting any threat he makes. If you have this baby you’re going to need it to stop him from pursuing custody to manipulate you. Which he absolutely will.

justbffr −  Are you sure you want to have a baby with this guy? You getting far away from him and starting over fresh (with no baby) sounds like a way better option for you. (To me.)

thewineyourewith −  If you have this child then the father will have equal rights to the child. You cannot unilaterally decide to not have anything to do with him. You will have to get his rights terminated by the court, which will be a long, expensive, and likely fruitless endeavor.

Even convicted rapists have been known to get access to the child born from the rape. You are still early enough to decide to not have this child. Think carefully.

Creepy_Push8629 −  If you’re still considering, I would strongly suggest you don’t have this baby. This is going to be extremely difficult for you and will keep him in your life forever. You don’t need to be subjected to his abuse and neither does a child.

SheketBevakaSTFU −  You’re going to be legally tied to him for the next 18 years. I wouldn’t have that baby if possible.

scatteredloops −  He’s abusive and you’re about to be tied to him for 18 years. That’s 18 years of manipulation, control, abuse, abandonment, fighting for any kind of support, and always always having him in your thoughts. I would consider a**rtion. Do you want to inflict this hell on a child? Because that’s what you’re doing.

Taylor5 −  Not to be negative, but is a**rtion not an option for you? personally i would do thi option now if it is, as you are still very early on. Not sure what your country is like, but mine, nobody would care here, its whatever your believe is the best decision for you. This is however, a decision that ties you to a person you do not want to be tied to, and appears to be more of a danger to you both going forward.

Acrobatic_Ear6773 −  If you have this baby, you’ll be tied to this guy for life.

Huge_Security7835 −  You need to understand that if you decide to have this baby the dad is in your life forever. You don’t get to say he can’t be in the child’s life. If requested he will likely have the child 50% of the time. He is not required to support you.

After the baby is born you can request a custody and child support order. However, the judge will expect you to work and pay for the child as well. If the dad gets 50/50 custody there may be no child support ordered.

Neonpinx −  Keeping the pregnancy will keep you connected to that s**iopath forever. He will abuse you and that child for the rest of your lives. You are in danger and this pregnancy is only 10 weeks along. It will only get worse for you and the fetus. You are young and choosing suffering when you don’t have to. The likelyhood of the man who has attempted to m**der you and the fetus leaving you alone is slim to none.