I 25M am having trouble dealing with my GF’s 25F overprotective father

A Redditor finds himself in a challenging relationship with his girlfriend of three years due to her overprotective and controlling father. Navigating secret meetups, hidden texts, and long periods apart, he shares his struggle to balance love and patience while feeling the strain of the situation. Read his story below.

‘ I 25M am having trouble dealing with my GF’s 25F overprotective father ‘

I 25M have been with my gf 25F for almost 3 years now. She was a babysitter for my younger brothers. After a while of accompanying them to the park I had grown to like her after a short while (4-5 months) we became a couple. Problem is her dad is overprotective and that’s an understatement.

We’ve been dating secretly and it was fine until she would try to slowly mention me here and there to her dad. He hates the idea of her dating anyone including me he believes I’d get in the way of her career. He pays for her school and owns a property that he says he would give to her once she’s done with college.

I want her to have these things and I don’t say things like “it’s me or your education/property” because long term these would be good for her to have and for me to get in the way of that would only prove her dad right.

She dislikes her dad but feels he owes her for all the bs he put her through so she’s just playing along until he gives her the property and keeps paying for school before she dates me without hiding it.

Her previous relationships were like this as well and she ended them because they became too much for her but she says she loves me and isn’t going anywhere. Im currently her longest relationship and she asked me if I wanted to continue our relationship even though it was going to be difficult.

I said I wanted to continue it because I love her too and despite this not being a normal relationship for young adults I understand relationships aren’t always easy. We see each other maybe once or twice every 2 months now (it used to be more often but her dad caught wind and threatened to kick her out and cut her off)

but we talk through a secret text chat every day. We use this because they have some iPhone thing where they share messages and contacts and their location. He even has access to her social media.

It’s pretty intense and controlling imo he set this up ofc. But the secret chat doesn’t seem to show or alert his phone. She believes she’ll move out next year so we can have a normal relationship without her dad interfering too much

(I say that because end of the day that’s her dad he might grow to like me eventually now that she’s almost done with college but he’ll definitely be a hard ass I know he just wants what’s best for her but it comes off very controlling and extreme to put it nicely which isn’t good for a young girl who might think this is normal in a relationship).

It gets me pretty depressed but I try to keep my mind preoccupied with work but I just feel a bit hopeless about the whole thing. We both had a hard time communicating our feelings but I came up with the idea of expressing ourselves through writing letters and we’d send them to each other via the secret chat.

I don’t want to break up with her because I love her but I do think about it sometimes. He eventually forced her to leave the babysitting job. She’s now a caregiver for an older lady and we meet in a local park to talk sometimes but her dad works nearby and picks her up so I can’t always be there.

I’ve thought about confronting him but she said it would make everything worse which I can see a few ways that it would. We’ve had great times when she managed to sneak away for a date or just us meeting up somewhere to catch up and talk but we’re too damn old to be doing this teenager crap.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

catharticargument −  Why doesn’t he want her dating anyone? Just curious. My main advice as this: if she is *25 years old* she should not be controlled so insanely by her father. Are the economic benefits he’s bringing to the table really worth the insane amount of control he has over her life?

I mean this would be a lot of control for a dad to have over his 18 year old daughter. This is just not tenable at all. If she is t going to make a change in the insane situation in her life, I wouldn’t stick it out tbh. But that’s your call.

JMLegend22 −  She’s an adult. She needs to make her own decisions.

decaturbob −  – this is more of a girlfriend problem than her dad…as a 25yr OLD WOMAN, you have to start controlling your LIFE. Being blackmailed is clear cohersive action and she can end that any time by walking away

greenblue703 −  What does she think about her father? It sounds like emotional/financial abuse, TBH

Balancing love and external pressures can be incredibly taxing, especially when family dynamics complicate the relationship. How would you handle a situation like this? Should he continue being patient or consider a different path for his well-being? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!