I (25F) overheard my (27M) boyfriend say that he chose the wrong girl

A Redditor shared the emotional story of overhearing her boyfriend of eight years confess that he still longed for a mutual friend and felt trapped in their relationship. Torn between her feelings for him and the hurtful revelations, she questions whether she should fight for his love or let go. Read her story below for the heartfelt details.

‘ I (25F) overheard my (27M) boyfriend say that he chose the wrong girl’

For context, me and my boyfriend have been together for in total 8 years. We met between mutual friends while I was still in school and he had just moved to my town to go to college. We were friends for 2 years before we started dating. The reason for this was because 1,I was too scared to make a move and secondly, he was in love with one of our mutual friends.

After she got a boyfriend, he moved on to liking me and we have been dating ever since. Last Saturday was his birthday and he told me he has never been thrown a surprise birthday party and would like to experience one. I worked all week before Saturday (his birthday), planning and inviting people, getting reservations, buying a cake, etc.

I asked his best friend to hang out with him for most of the day so that I could set up and get everyone to get here and hide for the surprise. The birthday party was a success and he was smiling the whole time. He had snuck off with his best friend somewhere and I wanted to find him so that we could sing happy birthday and cut the cake.

As I was walking down the hallway I heard him and his friend talking so I kept walking towards their voices. I heard him tell his friend that he should have kept trying with our mutual friend. He told him that he should have been the man that was engaged to her and not her now fiancé.

He said that he hated waking up to me and that he wished that our mutual friend was the one that threw him his first surprise party. He said that he felt disgusted every time he had to kiss me or hold me because he knew that our mutual friend should be in his arms instead.He said that he felt like he was stuck in our relationship and that he would end up “having” to marry me.

He said that our mutual friend was better than me in looks from head to toe, he said that “she was the most gorgeous girl i’ve ever seen”. I went back to the party and told everyone that I couldn’t find him and that we would have to wait for him to come back. When he came back, he gave me a hug and a kiss on the head and told me he loved me.

I didn’t want to ruin his party so I went along with it. He doesn’t know that I know he doesn’t honestly love me, I’ve just been going along with everything. I honestly don’t want to break up with him, I just want to know how I can make him fall in love with me.

I don’t know what I did to make him feel so unhappy so I would like to know how do I make my boyfriend fall in love with me or should I just give up on our relationship? He is the first boyfriend I’ve ever had and I’m scared to start dating again at my age.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

BabY_pot4to −  I’m going to say this very bluntly. Please have some self-respect. This guy that supposedly loves you, doesn’t want you, finds being with you disgusting and you want to stay with this person, who feels stuck in a relationship with you? Get higher standards. Your boyfriend is a really bad person, like who the f**k does this to someone?

Jokubatis −  That guy doesn’t love you and there is nothing you can do to make him. Unless you transform yourself into the other girl. You are young at 25, you’ll meet someone quick enough. Take sometime to process the feelings that are going to flood you when you realize it’s over.

That guy is a moron. He never had a chance with the other girl, because otherwise as he says “she would throw him that party”. But he does have a girl that cares about him deeply and he’s trash talking her to his best friend. Moron.. Leave him ASAP.

Glittering_Bottle706 −  Short answer: you can’t. And it’s nothing wrong with you, you are sound like an amazing partner and deserve the same level of appreciation that you give. But he will never be able to do that. Because this girl is not even a real person anymore, it’s a dream about “perfect girl” that he is in love with.

You already spent 8 years competing with impossible mirage. Dream girl doesn’t get headaches, become frustrated or has a bad day. Please choose yourself. Give yourself chance to be loved and cared by someone else. And until you end this relationship you will never be free to do that.

weepycrybaby −  Oh girl. If I stayed with the dropkick I was with at 25 I’d be freaking miserable. 25 is not too late to start dating again. You deserve way more than this disrespect. Call him out on it. Watch his face. Then leave. You cannot make someone love you and someone who loves you will NEVER say the things you heard.

LightsAlwaysOn-715 −  Although he didn’t tell you; never let a man tell you twice that he doesn’t want you. If you try to force this relationship he is going to start resenting you because he feels stuck with you. You seem like a wonderful person and you deserve much better than this guy. Cut your emotional losses and move on. It may hurt for a while , but you’ll get thru this.

[Reddit User] −  “At my age”. Bruh you’re 25 not 85

Medical_Ad_7548 −  Oh man, sorry it had been so long. Honey, if he has said these things, you should not stay with him. A woman not loved is horrible. I’m sorry for your heart. But living in a lie is horrible. He never got over the other girl. If someone said they hated waking up to me, and then.. came back in the room and said they loved me…! What a fat liar. I could not live with that. Don’t be afraid to leave, you will be fine. I don’t know if you will if you married him.

Any_Time3277 −  Start dating at your age? Dude you’re 25, you have your whole life in front of you. Why tf would you waste it on a person who disrespects you to such a degree. Wtf. Why do you want to make him fall in love with you when he said that he felt disgusted after having kissed you. No offence and im saying this with all the love in my heart but do you have any self respect? Leave that man, very obviously!

chincheater −  i’m sorry, after 8 years of being together he talks in the most disgusting way possible about you behind your back and you still want to be in a relationship with him? he’s trash and you are too (to yourself), if you stay with him

Revolutionary-Help68 −  **You can’t make him love you. He doesn’t, and he won’t. You need to break up. You are still young. You will find the guy for you. Don’t waste more time on him now you know the truth!**

**You have now heard his truth**. His truth, spoken behind your back. He doesn’t love or want you. You cannot unhear this. **You deserve someone who loves you. He is not the one for you**.

One day he will leave you, it’s just a matter of time. Either she will become available, or someone like her will enter his life, and you will be tossed aside. Imagine being 35 or 45 and he tells you – sorry, I’ve met the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Don’t be that 45-year old woman (possible with kids)wondering how to get yourself back on your feet on your own, while he happily skips into the sunset with another woman.

Please pack your things and d**p him. Just tell him you heard him – you deserve and will find someone who will love you. Don’t argue, don’t accept his lies. If necessary, leave him a note saying you heard. Tell him not to contact you, it’s over. Then block him from your phone, your social media, unfollow and unfriend him.

Keep in mind the following:

1. It’s not you. He doesn’t love you. **You’ve done nothing wrong**. He is just in love with someone else. **You can’t do anything to make him love you.**

2. **D**p him**. Any guy who would use you and say you disgust him – that man is trash. Even worse – he lies to your face and talks rubbish about you to his friends. D**p him. You need to treat him like the rubbish human he is – we don’t keep trash, we don’t treasure it, we throw it out.

3. **You deserve better. Way better.** Someone will love and value you. It is not this lying, self-centred piece of rubbish pretending to be your boyfriend.

Should she confront her boyfriend about what she overheard, or is it time for her to prioritize her own happiness and self-respect? What advice would you give her as she navigates this difficult situation? Share your thoughts in the comments below.