I (25F) agreed to be a surrogate for my sister and her husband (late 30s), but am regretting it now

A 25-year-old woman shared her growing discomfort after agreeing to be a surrogate for her sister and brother-in-law. While initially expecting a clinical process like IUI, she was shocked when they requested natural conception, citing cost, safety, and health reasons.

The user feels conflicted between backing out due to the “ick factor” and accepting the significant financial benefits tied to the arrangement. Her immediate family supports the couple’s plan, adding to her dilemma.

‘ I (25F) agreed to be a surrogate for my sister and her husband (late 30s), but am regretting it now ‘

For most of my life my sister Alice has been wanting kids but has been unable to carry a baby to full term, in part due to endometriosis. She was in a lot of pain and had to have a h*ster*ct*my. Alice and her husband Ben has fostered 5 children and have adopted 2 children with autism, and are great parents.

They have a good home environment and are financially very well off. But recently Ben and after a while Alice was bitten by the urge to have a kid biologically related to them because they wanted a chance to “do things right” and “provide the best start in life” (their views, not mine).

So they asked me to be their (traditional) surrogate and said that they would cover all costs (legal, medical etc) associated with it. They would be also be paying off my student dent, renting a 2 bedroom apartment for 3 years plus giving me a substantial amount of cash.

I said sure – it’ll be 9 months of my life in exchange for being set up for quite some time, and my immediate family thinks it is a great idea. However, when I said “sure”, I was expecting something along the lines of IUI, where we go to the doctor to get Ben’s sp**m prepped, me getting shots etc. basically the whole artificial ins*min*tion package.

But Alice & Ben have asked me to well, get pregnant the traditional way. Their rationale is that 1. it is the cheapest way 2. they don’t want to go to the hospital given the corona pandemic and 3. they think babies conceived naturally are healthier/the pregnancy would be safer without the chemicals, but I just can’t get over the extreme ick factor.

And even IF this was going to take place at home I think a syringe would work fine. Am I going loony for thinking of going back on my word? Is their request reasonable? My immediate family doesn’t see anything wrong with it and has been congratulating my sister on her impending baby.

On the other hand, if I do give it up am I also mad for passing up what is essentially 200k, especially in this economy now?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Limerick-Leprechaun −  This is just wrong in so many ways. Who can support this method of getting you pregnant? It could take multiple attempts. How many times does Ben want to h*ve s** with you? Is Alice really okay with her husband h*ving s** with you?

TophlikeTOUGH −  You’re a loony for deciding to be a surrogate on a smile and a handshake! If you were going to do this, there SHOULD be doctors involved. And a contract. And lawyers. Pull out now.

[Reddit User] −  My guess is they want to do it this way because no reputable clinic or Dr would allow you to be a surrogate if you have never given birth.

MsB0x −  This is totally unreasonable of them to ask. You’re not the one in the wrong here.

LastResortsSuck −  This is insane. She thinks she’s okay with it but her stomach will turn when she realizes you *slept together*. Even if she doesn’t, there’s no guarantee you get pregnant on the first try. How many times until she DOES have a problem with it?

How many nights of your life are you willing to devote to having what will most likely be pleasureless s** because it’s not meant to be about fun or enjoyment it’s purely practical?

What happens when you fall pregnant and she flips out and they decide they don’t want the baby anymore, or worse, she gets jealous enough that it breaks the marriage?. Don’t do this.

[Reddit User] −  talk to your sister privately. She’s excited about having a baby but is she going to resent you the rest of your life for h*ving s** with her husband and giving birth to the child? That’s something I would think through And with what they are paying you have they thought of using the money for adoption?

[Reddit User] −  Have you got their offer in writing, checked by a lawyer?. No?. Thought not.. Run.

[Reddit User] −  What is this? The Handmaid’s Tale? My wife and I have been trying for over 2 years. This would not be a one and done thing. Does your sister not realize this? You are committing to h*ving s** with her husband dozens or even hundreds of times. But even once?

Uh, sounds like you need to lay out some ground rules, like artificial insemination only.

[Reddit User] −  Not remotely reasonable. Surrogacy is one thing, prostitution is quite another.