I (24M) discovered my girlfriend (23F) is a serial cheater. She’s with me in a foreign country. How do I approach this?

A 24-year-old man recently discovered that his girlfriend of three years, whom he’s been in a long-distance relationship with for most of the year, has been cheating on him multiple times while in her home country. He found disturbing evidence, including conversations about needing emergency contraceptives and possibly an abortion.

While the relationship is clearly over, he is conflicted about how to approach the situation—whether to confront her now or wait until she leaves for home tomorrow. He is grappling with feelings of rage, betrayal, and confusion.

‘ I (24M) discovered my girlfriend (23F) is a serial cheater. She’s with me in a foreign country. How do I approach this?’

So it’s exactly as the title says. I’m currently seated on the couch typing this while she’s sound asleep in my bed. I feel lost. I’m (24M) and I’ve been with my girlfriend (23F) for 3 years now. She’s an international student who I met while enrolled at a university in my home country. We clicked and started dating soon thereafter.

We dated until I ultimately graduated and moved to a different city. Meanwhile, she returned home for further studies and we were in a long distance relationship for a significant portion of this year. While long distance, we would talk daily, have a phone call almost every night and there were constant mutual assurances of love and commitment.

I’d help her with her studies, talk with her family occasionally, and everything went smoothly for the most part. For the holidays, I flew her to my city so we could reunite for a bit before she returned to her studies. I’ve taken her on dates, taken her shopping, explored the city with her and have a full itinerary of fun activities we can do.

It’s been pretty much what you’d expect the typical young couple to do. I thought we were wildly in love and aiming to build a future together. Of course it all came crashing down spectacularly. I woke up this morning to a barrage of messages and screenshots from an unfamiliar number. It’s all damning.

It confirms that she’s cheated on me multiple times while in her home country. There were texts talking about her needing to take emergency contraceptives, missing her period, possibly needing an a**rtion, and so much more. Some of it is so sickening I can’t even believe that this is the same woman I’ve come to know for years.

It makes me question whether I ever even really knew her, or if I only knew the parts of her that she wanted me to know. I don’t even know what I feel right now. It feels like I’m lucid dreaming. Part of me is furious, incandescent with rage, really. Another part of me is just dead.

Her flight for home leaves tomorrow, and I’m torn between waking her up and confronting her now, or just waiting until she’s departed before blocking her and forgetting her existence. I don’t know. It just perplexes me that after all this time of being committed and loyal to her, this is how she chooses to behave.

Reddit, I don’t even know why I’ve posted here. The relationship is over, that’s a certainty. I just don’t know exactly how to approach it and I’m torn.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

cockman690 −  Be happy you found it before marriage and kids

cockman690 −  Just wait till she leaves and text her that you know everything it’s over don’t talk to you ever again.

Constant_Humor181 −  Print out the messages, drop them in an envelope, give it to her at the airport and ask her not to open it until the seatbelt signs are off. Then go home and block her everywhere.

BlackcatLucifer −  Don’t do anything dramatic. It is trashy and never plays out like you think it will. Personally, I’d be polite and civil and see her on her way. Wait until she is home, and then let her know the relationship is over. If she argues or fights or makes any demands, forward the evidence to her and say it is drama you are not prepared to be involved in. Then you can block her.

rv0celot −  “I woke up this morning to a barrage of messages and screenshots from an unfamiliar number.” The messages were sent to your number? Did the sender identify themself?

scotswaehey −  I just want to throw it out there, but how can you trust this information from someone who wont identify themselves? Are you sure it’s not someone hoping you ghost her so they can swoop in?

JustMMlurkingMM −  Talk to her. Anyone can send a text. How do you know any of this is true? It may be a jealous guy at home who wants to break you up so he can shoot his shot. It may be a member of her family who wants to break you up because they don’t want her marrying a foreigner.

She may actually be cheating, but if you are basing this just on text messages you could be making a life changing decision based on lies.

ubutako −  Her flight is tomorrow so just wait till then. You don’t need drama if she leaves tomorrow. After that send her some message with some clue and block her on everything. You will be alright.

Maenad_Muse −  Do you believe an unknown number is more trustworthy than your girlfriend? Sit her down after she wakes up and go through the texts together. Literally anything can be faked. You’ll know immediately from her reaction if it’s true. Communication is key to your happiness long term.

Don’t wonder if you made a mistake. If she is cheating, then she needs the life lesson. If she’s not, then yall need to figure out why someone doesn’t want yall together. Love and hate makes people do wild stuff. Be an adult and use your words.

Jen5872 −  Put her on the plane. Text her while she’s in the air that you’re ending the relationship. She’ll see it when she lands.