I [24/f] inherited a lot of money from my grandparents. My cousins [20s/30s] are demanding I split it with them. I’m risking losing my family if I keep all of it.

A 24-year-old woman inherited $45,000 from her grandparents, who were extremely close to her. While her aunts, uncles, and cousins are demanding that she splits the money with them, she feels that she deserves it due to her close relationship with her grandparents. The situation is putting a strain on her family, and she is struggling with whether to keep the money for herself or share it to preserve family harmony. Her fiancé encourages her to keep it, but she feels torn about choosing the money over her family.

‘ I [24/f] inherited a lot of money from my grandparents. My cousins [20s/30s] are demanding I split it with them. I’m risking losing my family if I keep all of it.’

Backstory: My grandparents have always been a big part of my life, as well as, the rest of my family. They had five kids (including my dad) and have 13 grandchildren- 6 great-grandchildren. My grandparents are pretty wealthy. They owned three businesses up until last year when my grandpa passed away. I’m the “baby” of the grandchildren and have always been really close with them.

My grandma babysat me until I was able to go to Kindergarten, I wrap her Christmas presents for every one every year, I decorate their house, and I’ve worked at their bar on Friday night’s throughout college (without pay) as they got too old to do these things themselves. All of these things were offered to my cousins but they never helped out.

My grandparents ran a horse training farm for show horses for over 40 years. This was something my dad took up with them and I quickly started to love. I rode every weekend with my grandma up until high school when I started to get busy. Even though I don’t ride much anymore, my dad and I go out and clean the stalls every week and take care of the horses when my grandparents went on trips (usually every other month). My grandparents were a huge part of my life.. The problem:

My grandma passed away 4 weeks ago. It was devastating. My grandma left my aunts/uncles/dad about $85,000 each. Money that her and my grandpa worked very very hard for. This was expected. What wasn’t expected was for them to leave me a little over $45,000 along with some other things of value. I was honestly shocked. My cousins all got about $2,000 each and some knick-knacks. Obviously, you can see where this was going. My aunts and uncles were in the reading when I was told so they told their kids.

Everyone besides my parents are furious. My cousins (who are adults) are demanding I split it evenly with them. I don’t feel that I have to. I was very close with my grandparents and did a lot for them but this is hard. My family is very tight and we do annual vacations together/monthly parties/dinners/etc. I never expected money would tear us apart. This money could change a lot for me. I could pay off my $10,000 student loan and put the rest toward my upcoming wedding/future children/a savings account.

A small part of me wants to divide it evenly just to keep everyone together. BUT there was a reason they left me this. They didn’t do it to hurt anyone. I was the ONLY one to visit them and help them out (none of them took the time to see them aside from family get-togethers) but no one understands that aside from my parents. I feel like I’m single-handedly tearing the family apart. My aunts and uncles won’t talk to my dad unless I split the money and my cousins won’t talk to me.

I only have a student loan and car payment so I don’t have much debt but this could set me up for a comfortable future. They all keep throwing in my face that they have families, house payments, college to pay for, etc. They keep saying I’ve been planning this for a long time but I truly haven’t. I loved my grandparents.

My fiancé is telling me to forget about them and to do what’s best for me but I’m a huge family person. I don’t want to split the money (it could really help me) but I feel that they could be playing me by making me choose between them and it. My parents also want me to keep the money as they feel my family members are being ridiculous by demanding this.

Is it right for me to keep this much? I feel like I deserve it. Is it right for me to put this money over my family? Or are the people who I’ve been so close with my entire life taking advantage of me? $45,000 vs $2,000 is a huge difference.. So, advice??

EDIT: there’s more in the will than I explained (houses, classic cars, horses, the farm, land, CD’s, etc). The cash/checking accounts that were given to me are the only things that seem to be the problem with everyone. Tl;dr: inherited more money than my cousins. They’re demanding I split it evenly between then or neve talk to them again.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

panic_bread −  Absolutely keep all the money. Your cousins think they are entitled just because of lineage. They’re not. Your grandparents gave you the money because you were good to them and spent time with them. You deserve the money. They don’t. Also, like you said, this money can positively change your life and give you the good start you need. That’s what your grandparents intended. If you split it, it’s not going to be enough to help anyone.

Honor what your grandparents wanted and keep the money. Use that line with your family, in fact. “Our grandparents wanted me to have this money. I’m going to honor their wishes. I won’t be discussing this further. If you want to let something like this tear the family apart, that’s your choice.” Honesty, you see these people a couple of times a year. They might be blood, but they are not your chosen family, and you’ll probably find they matter to you less and less as you get older. Don’t let their butthurt ruin your chance for a good life.

FlightyTwilighty −  Your cousins are showing you who they are through their actions. They are the ones willing to put money over family, not you. The appropriate reaction to your getting the inheritance would have been, “Well, OP was very close with g’ma and it was g’ma’s money so it’s not any of my business.” NOT “gimme some.” You are totally in the right here and if they are going to behave like this, perhaps they are not the family that you thought they were in the first place.

IDontFuckingThinkSo −  First of all, $45,000 split 13 ways isn’t going very far at all. I don’t think your cousins have really thought it through, but if your 12 cousins got $2000 each and you got $45000, then there was a total of $69000 given to the grandchildren. That’s a little over $5000 each. They’re seriously going to throw a huge fit about $3000? Assholes. But anyway, f**k them, they’re not entitled to your money, and it’s a s**tty thing for them to do to be greedy bitches about it. Your fiance and your parents are right, it’s your money, and you shouldn’t be guilted into giving it away.

[Reddit User] −  They keep saying I’ve been planning this for a long time. “If by ‘planning this a long time,’ you mean building a relationship with Grandma and Grandpa by spending time with them and helping them out, then yes, I have. I understand you have other priorities, but if you’d taken the time to explain that to them while they were still here, perhaps they would have taken it into account. As it is, these are their wishes, and I’ll be honoring them as they were expressed.” Your grandma didn’t have to leave her money to anyone. She chose you. The rest of your family is acting entitled (and perhaps a bit guilty), and they need to get over it.

addywoot −  “We were all blessed to receive these unexpected gifts from our grandparents. This is what grandpa and grandma wanted for me and I intend to respect their wishes. By threatening to never speak to me again if I don’t pay you, you are telling me that the money is more important to you than I am. That is entirely your choice if you go that route and I wish you well in your future.”

rolloquarters −  My grandma left my aunts/uncles/dad about $85,000 each. Sooo… Why aren’t your cousins hitting up their parents for more cash? Or have your aunts/uncles, in their moral outrage, conveniently forgotten to mention their *nearly double* inheritance to their own oh-so entitled spawn?

dinosaur_train −  My fiancé is telling me to forget about them and to do what’s best for me but I’m a huge family person. These members of the family are not huge family people. So, that’s always going to be a problem. If you gave them the money then some other s**t drama would present itself later. One buys a car, wrecks it, then somehow it’ll be your fault, ya dig? You need to listen to your partner. He’s been telling you the right thing all along. Trust him.

XxhumanguineapigxX −  Keep the money. Your cousins are being absolutely ridiculous. Their grandmother has died and all they care about is who gets the most money from her. I say s**ew them, they’re not the kind of “family” you want to have around. I’m glad your parents are supporting you keeping the money too.

dbhammel −  You aren’t splitting up the family. Your cousins already split the family by makings these demands. Even if you gave them the money the damage has already been done to your relationships.

truenorth −  YOU aren’t doing anything to them. Your grandmother left her instructions and HER wishes in the will. Follow them. You have no need to explain her rationale to your family. If they were close to her they would know why she chose as she did. In time, either they will drop the drama, or they won’t. If they don’t, then you and your parents are better off having less contact with them.