I (23F) think my boyfriend (24M) is controlling after he called me over 200 times during a family birthday dinner… any advice if I should run?
A woman (26F) is questioning whether she’s overreacting about her fiancé’s (27M) behavior with a female friend. At a recent team event, her fiancé showed her special attention, including buying her drinks, making physical jokes, and inviting her to stay at their house.
His actions, along with his continued involvement with her in other activities, have left her feeling uncomfortable and uncertain. Her fiancé insists that she’s just being jealous, but she’s unsure how to approach the situation.
‘ I (23F) think my boyfriend (24M) is controlling after he called me over 200 times during a family birthday dinner… any advice if I should run?’
I’m 23, and my boyfriend is 24. We’ve been together for a while, and things have been good, but recently, I’ve started to notice some very controlling and obsessive behavior from him. Two days ago, it was my younger brother’s 18th birthday, and I had planned to spend the day with him.
I had told my boyfriend the day before, and he was fine with it. However, when he decided not to go to work that day, he expected me to cancel my plans and stay with him instead. I told him I was still going to spend the day with my brother, because it was important to me, and I didn’t want to let him down.
Later that evening, my brother asked if my boyfriend would be joining us for dinner, and I wasn’t sure because my boyfriend was being vague about it. When I asked him directly, he gave me a “hmm” reply, which left me frustrated.
I told him that since he didn’t give a clear answer, I assumed he didn’t want to come. That upset him, and we argued. During the argument, he threatened to harm himself, and then kept calling me repeatedly. To avoid ruining dinner with my family, I decided to turn off my phone.
I knew he would keep calling, and I didn’t want to let him disrupt something important to me. When I got home about an hour and a half later, I turned my phone back on, and immediately he started calling again. I answered, and he told me we were over because I turned my phone off.
I didn’t care anymore, so I agreed. But then we fought again, and he said he was going to pick me up. He even arranged for an Uber to come get me, without asking if it was okay. I told him to cancel it, but he refused.
The worst part is that he called me over 200 times in about five hours. He was blaming me for playing with his feelings and making him feel confused. He even took his mom’s car to pick me up but decided not to drive when he got to my house.
Now, my family, who used to like him, is starting to turn against him because of how possessive and emotionally abusive he’s been. I’m feeling trapped and suffocated. His behavior is draining, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m stuck in a relationship that’s slowly destroying me, and I’m really unsure if I should stay or leave.
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Aussiealterego − You have yet to experience the ABSOLUTE RELIEF you will feel when you realise you don’t have to step on eggshells managing this manbaby’s moods any more.. Take the out. D**p and block.
aLunaticIsOnTheGrass − Listen to your family. Your bf is a**sive, controlling and m**ipulative. He is trying to isolate you from your family. Leave now, things are going to escalate. If he threatens to unalive himself again, call the police to check on him.
Kragg_hack − Run and block. This is not just the “normal” a**sive controlling behaviour that you should leave for anyways. This is mentally ill behaviour that is signs of a dangerous man. 200 calls? That is probably more than I do a year in total…
CatCharacter848 − You already know the answer to this. Deep down you just don’t want to admit it to yourself. If your brother had a girlfriend like this what would you say.
Mysterious_Insect821 − He’s really not worth the energy. I’m exhausted just reading this. Just break up with him. You don’t need someone as controlling and m**ipulative as he is. In 20 years, my partner has never spam called or texted me whenever I go out with whoever I go out with. Vice versa.
We tell each other our plans, say our goodbyes, and see you laters, and that’s that. That’s how it should be. Not this mess you just wrote.
savagetwonkfuckery − He sounds horrendous
AuntieKC − Google “power and control wheel”. We went through this exact thing with my daughter’s l**atic ex. He refused to allow her around her family or close friends because we all saw through him. She’s safe now. But it was a long road. Run, babe. Run for your life.
Anniemarsh69 − Girl! Your man took a whole day off work to try and manipulate you. He ain’t the one.
bloodofachillies − Holy crap. What did I just read. He doesn’t want you with family because he wants to isolate you. Separate your money. Move back to your parents. Get a new number and run AS FAST AS YOU CAN. This will only end one way and it won’t be a happy ending.
NFT_fud − calls in 6 hours:. 1-2 normal. 3-5 annoying. 5-10 j**k. 10-15 controlling. 15-20 obsessive. 20-30 break up over the phone
30-40 block. why is your phone turned on ?. 40-50 call the police. 200 ? off the charts, some kind of record
How should she address her concerns with her fiancé? How can she express her feelings without sounding accusatory? Share your thoughts and advice below.