I (23f) called cps on my Mother (~50f) to check on the welfare of my younger siblings. My eldest sister(30f) freaked out and says I was out of line.

A 24-year-old woman struggles with guilt after contacting CPS about her younger siblings still living in the abusive and neglectful environment she endured as a child. Despite support from her husband and some siblings, her eldest sister, who wasn’t present for the abuse, condemns the decision, arguing it wasn’t her place to interfere.

The woman grapples with whether she did the right thing in advocating for her siblings’ welfare or if she overstepped by reporting their mother and stepfather. For the full story and to see how others responded, read below…

‘ I (23f) called cps on my Mother (~50f) to check on the welfare of my younger siblings. My eldest sister(30f) freaked out and says I was out of line. ‘

I dont want to go into a ton of detail. The “need to know” is I have been out of the home the last 7 years, and during this time my two siblings have lived there still. While I was in the home, we were mentally and physically abused by our stepfather. We lived in trashy houses that were covered in actual garbage, including animal feces, and just stuff EVERYWHERE.

I havent heard from my youngest sister since May. I am pretty sure she has been told to cut contact with all of us (us being her older siblings). My second to youngest sister is overweight with spinal issues and is supposed to be dieting and seeing a specialist that they do not take her to see.

I told the social worker that I wanted a check up on them because if previous deplorable conditions, and because I am not sure about any physical or mental abuse still happening in the home. It genuinely concerns me. I told them what happened with us (slammed into walls, things thrown at us, cussing, belittling our character… etc….)

And told them repeatedly I really just want to know my little siblings dont have the same living conditions we had. My husband supported me through the call, and agreed it was the right thing to do. My siblings all discussed it ahead of time with the exception of my eldest sister who moved out before things got bad and the two who live in the house.

We all agreed it would at the very extreme least let them know that they were being watched and we didnt just give up on them… and maybe my Mother and SD would keep a clean house, clean nose etc.. CPS contacted my mother very quickly. Much faster than I anticipated. I mean within 3 hours.

Following this my eldest sister who lives states away and hasnt contacted me in months calls and shes freaking out on me because she “knows Im the one who called”. I denied nothing and simply said, “If they have nothing to hide, then they dont need to worry. Itll be over and done with pretty quickly ” to which she replied “And if it isnt?

If theyre taken away?” I said “Hopefully it doesnt come to that, and if it does it isnt on me. I didnt maltreat them. I didnt spread animal feces through the house. If they are clearly neglecting them, why should they have to stay in the house?” I asked “Would you let your children live like we did?” She didnt answer. I asked again, and she said “No.

Id keep a decent house but its not your job to tell someone else how to parent”. I said “Okay. So if this is all you called about, I think we’re done here”. She told me we all needed to “Get over what happened to us and move on with our lives!” (She moved out long before the abuse started and wasnt around for any of it) Regardless of my personal experience,

I can’t help but feel like I did something wrong. I have limited to no contact with my Mother because of her husband, and she denies any abuse ever happened to any of us… My sister asked “Why dont you just pop in and see the conditions?” I told her “I cant be around (my stepfather). I refuse to subject myself to that negativity again”

While by husband and siblings agree it was the right thing to do… I still can’t help feeling wrong for it…. like it “wasnt my place”. But if it wasnt my place, whose was it? I really would like a third party outside opinion about what I did. Am wrong for reporting my family? Honestly, should I of just kept my mouth shut?

I don’t mind having no contact with my Mother or eldest sister. They dont even know Im nearly 4 months pregnant because of how very very little we talk as it is. So the potential of never really having a relationship doesnt bug me really. What bugs me is not knowing if I was in the right.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

[Reddit User] −  Your sister has to believe that it wasn’t your responsibility or purvue to call CPS on your mother, because otherwise she would have to confront the fact that she never did this to protect you, when you were abused. She has to believe that it wasn’t so bad for you after she left, because otherwise she abandoned you and your siblings.

And she can’t face that guilt. You have to be the bad one to her, so she can preserve her sense of self and innocence. Thank you and a hug from an anonymous internet stranger. You are a great person for taking action!. Edit: Thank you 🙂

[Reddit User] −  Girl I just feel like I want to shake your hand or give you a hug or something! I feel like applauding. What you did was right, it was courageous and it was necessary. Good on you for following your gut and doing what you needed to do. I’m sorry you experienced abuse,and I’m glad to see that you’ve gotten free from it and created a great family life for yourself. All the best

BigTasty09 −  I’d rather feel like s**t for calling the cops than feeling like s**t if I didn’t call the cops and thebl worse happened

IAmEnough −  It is EVERYONE’s place to ensure the safety of children. Your sister is 100% in the wrong. The role of CPS isn’t to just remove kids willy-nilly, it is to keep them safe from abuse and n**lect. If the kids aren’t being abused and neglected, that’s great. If they are being abused or neglected, then something needs to change.

purplepluppy −  Yeah, I called CPS on my aunt and that side of my family freaked out at me for it. Unfortunately, nothing came from it because she does a very good job of making everything look ok, and my grandparents believe her when she says it’s her kids who are the problem. Yeah, sure Dee Dee. All 8 of your kids are just naturally fucked up, has nothing to do with your parenting.

Plus, none of the kids trust adults (I’m the only one as far as I know, and that’s just because I’m closer to their age) so when CPS interviewed them, they didn’t share anything. But now my poor mom gets verbally assaulted by my aunt about how she raised such a terrible daughter who would turn her back on family yada yada yada…

I don’t regret calling. Now when something obvious does happen, they’ll have my repirt on file. I just wish they could have done something sooner.

Livingontherock −  You did what you needed. F**k your sister

cakerton −  I worked in an elementary school and was mandated to call CPS if I suspected abuse or n**lect. I called CPS at least a dozen times. I know it’s very different when it’s your family, but I’ve seen what CPS does, and they’re not this evil monster agency people make them out to be because of a few stories that are bad enough that you hear about them in the media.

They are there to help. They’re not there to take kids away and ruin lives. They’re there to protect children and get families the resources they need. You 100% did the right thing and of course your sister is going to make you feel bad about it because she’s enabling the bad behavior of your mother. Ironically, she’s the one who hasn’t moved on with her life. She’s still stuck there, telling herself what happened wasn’t that bad.

ILove2Ride2Wheels −  It seems to me that you did what you did out of love for your siblings. Nothing wrong with that. Your older sister’s opinion is just one you should ignore. I would suggest you talk to your husband again. Mostly to talk about taking your siblings in if CPS takes the children away from your parents.

If you can support them properly. If he’s on board with that as an option. There generally is some kind of financial support from the state should that occur and you could keep them out of the foster care system.

survivingcbeebies −  You definitely did the right thing. Don’t second guess yourself, as you said to your older sister if there are no issues then there’s no problem. If however there are some issues, your mum will get support to change and it can only benefit your sisters lives. If it is severe enough to consider removal, then again, it can only benefit your sisters lives… x

tinkerbclla −  Also, depending on what kind of faeces you would be exposed to on just “popping in”, you could potentially harm yourself and the baby. I believe cat faeces are harmful, I don’t know about other animal types.. You did the right thing.