I (23f) am days away from giving birth and my (37m) boyfriend just decided to tell me that he can’t be at the birth–because he’s married

A Reddit user is grappling with a major shock just days before giving birth. After being led to believe her partner was divorced, she discovered that he is still married and hasn’t even informed his wife about their relationship.

This revelation came just when the user was preparing to become a mother, and now she feels betrayed and uncertain of what to do next. While she is capable of handling the baby on her own, she is devastated by the emotional impact of this betrayal and is seeking advice on how to move forward.

‘ I (23f) am days away from giving birth and my (37m) boyfriend just decided to tell me that he can’t be at the birth–because he’s married ‘

I’m just in shock right now. Like I almost feel numb, but I really appreciate everyone here for your help. I was really happy and looking forward to baby and I just feel really sad right now so I need to take a breather. Everything is ready for the baby and I’m still excited to meet them, but Jesus.

So first off I know the age gap probably should’ve been a red flag but I was stupid. We’ve been together for two years but he lives in a different city. When I got pregnant, he said he was going to move to my city and we would move in together, he just needed to finalize some things with his ex wife.

He told me he was divorced when we met and I never had any reason to question it. I knew that he had 2 kids with her as well, he told me the truth about that, just not that he wasn’t divorced (or even separated).

So fast forward, I’m 39 weeks and he suddenly got uncommunicative which is less than ideal when you’re literally about to give birth. Bear in mind that he was supposed to have been fully moved in here a month ago (blamed covid).

Today I found out I am going to be induced on Monday unless baby decides to come out over the weekend so I contacted him and I was like okay what’s going on? And that’s when he told me that he isn’t actually separated or divorced, he never told his wife about anything, and now he felt like he was backed into a corner.

I don’t feel sorry for him for that because that’s his own fault, but obviously literally four days before giving birth isn’t the time you want to get this news and I have no idea what to do now. Tell him to f**k off, obviously, but what else?

I feel like I mean I CAN take care of the baby but I was preparing to have a partner to take care of it with me, you know? I don’t even know what I’m asking for in terms of advice but any advice for moving forward and handling this is appreciated.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

[Reddit User] −  OP, lawyer here. Do not take it upon yourself to tell his wife or start anything that might be later deemed “drama.” Yes, I’m aware it’s easy for me to say this laying here on my couch compared to what you’re going through. Find a family lawyer immediately upon returning from the hospital. Do exactly as they say. Good luck in this s**tty situation.

RollingKatamari −  This is absolutely awful, does his wife know about this? You have your baby, you give that baby your last name and you get yourself a lawyer!

twep_dwep −  Don’t worry about his wife right now. Worry about having a safe pregnancy. Do not delete any texts or emails from him, since they may eventually help you in court. Once you’ve obtained an attorney you can figure out how you’ll get child support.

dabulls508 −  Sounds like suing for child support is a good idea. I would gut his ass.

LucienBloodmarch −  Lawyer the F**K up. Get dna tests, make sure he PAYS YOU what he owes you. This is horrible and I am so, so sorry he did this crap. He had no right. Do you have angbody else that can be there with you? Mom, friend, support?

[Reddit User] −  OP I wouldn’t take on the responsability of telling his wife. That’s rage directed at you in a vunerable time & you don’t need that noise. That is his mess let him deal with it…f**k him. Lawyer up post haste, like today & have all further communication go through them.

solidorange87 −  It’s Thursday, you’ve got time to contact a lawyer before the birth. Can you do that today or tomorrow? Best wishes!!!

kindness-prevails −  Echoing what a lawyer said here… DO NOT CONTACT HIS WIFE. It would feel GREAT and he deserves all the pain he’s about to get, but that just gives her time to lawyer up and s**ew you over. Get a lawyer first and serve him (and her) the child support payments. You have the power here, don’t give it up by playing your cards too early.

P__Squared −  Oh man, every negative belief I have about relationships with large age gaps gets confirmed once again. Re: what to do, other than getting child support from him there’s not much else you can do. Do you really want this guy in your life any more than absolutely necessary?