I [23 F] caught my boyfriend [26 M; 1 year] on tinder. He swears it’s not true. I’m going to lose my mind.

A Redditor discovered her boyfriend’s Tinder profile, indicating activity while they were in a committed relationship. Despite confronting him with evidence, he continuously denied it, offering inconsistent excuses. Realizing the relationship is over, she seeks advice on how to end things without self-doubt and with confidence. Read the full story below.

‘ I [23 F] caught my boyfriend [26 M; 1 year] on tinder. He swears it’s not true. I’m going to lose my mind.’

My friend came to me yesterday at lunch with screenshots of my boyfriend’s tinder profile. The pictures were all old photos so I confronted him immediately expecting to hear something like “Yeah, haha I forgot to delete that.” which is cool.

He denied being on tinder at all and my friend suggested that she make an account, set it to his specifications, and see if he turns up. and there’s his profile. So, this means that my boyfriend has been active on tinder within the past two weeks. I confronted him with this and he changed his story.

Now he’s saying that his friend has been using his account. He shows me his phone and says, “Look, I have nothing to hide.” and of course the app is deleted. So I take his phone, download tinder, log in with his facebook and see that he has been active, albeit infrequently.

There was one girl that he tried to meet up with back in May when I was out of town. The girl gave him her phone number and even though he deleted whatever messages they exchanged, I still saw that he had her saved in his contacts. So that’s about everything that I know.

He either cheated on me or planned on cheating on me while I went out of town, and I’m sure this isn’t the only time it’s happened. This relationship is pretty much over. He is swearing up and down that it’s not true. He doesn’t use tinder and he doesn’t know this girl. I’m going crazy with how much he’s outright lying.

He seems so sincere, but I KNOW what I saw. I can’t listen to him deny this one more time. I know that this is the end, I guess I’m looking for advice on how to end it in a way that doesn’t leave me second guessing myself. and moral support.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

TheMassINeverHad −  Don’t let him make you question yourself. Thats g**lighting 101. Look at the facts and trust yourself, make a decison and stick to it.

CertainCynic −  G**lighting. That’s what this is. And this is exactly what my boyfriend did to me when I caught him cheating. I was literally logged into his POF account looking at the messages and he was trying to deny it, and trying to make me seem crazy for believing it.

You are not crazy, he is a c**ater. You are not crazy. One more time for good measure: YOU ARE NOT CRAZY no matter how he makes you feel about this.

[Reddit User] −  You want him to shut up and tell you the truth because you think you deserve it. He is never going to admit to it. Maybe when you d**p him, he’ll finally sack up and tell you but that’s him being m**ipulative.

Hes dug himself into a hole and he’s gonna keep on digging. Leave now or you’ll feel like an i**ot for staying. Youre not going to get any closure from him. Take a deep breath and walk away. You’re done with him.

[Reddit User] −  If you really need to know exactly what happened, message the girl.. If not, get tested and move on.. 2 things are undeniable though:. – she’s in his phone. – you were out of town. That’s a smoking gun.

belgiantwatwaffles −  Break up with him. He’s already cheated.

ShirwillJack −  I guess I’m looking for advice on how to end it in a way that doesn’t leave me second guessing myself. Save this post. Something made you write this post and this post will remind you of it. It doesn’t matter how you end up breaking up. You don’t have to say more than “I’m breaking up with you.”

You don’t need to justify your action of breaking up. You don’t need his approval or permission.. ​. and moral support. This sucks. There’s nothing to be said that will make it s**k less. It’s not okay what he did, but it’s okay however you feel about it.

Feeling anger, denial, confusion, desperation, sadness, everything at once or even nothing is all okay. Even missing him or the good times sometimes is okay, because you got used to him and now you have to get used to not being with him. Not missing him or wanting to rip him apart is okay too.

You feel whatever you feel. It may be unpleasant, but feelings aren’t wrong. Certain actions can be wrong, though. (For example, as long as you’re not planning on actually doing it, feeling like hurting him is okay.) Take good care of yourself. Eat, shower, get dressed, rest, and exercise.

You need to process a break up and how things ended. That takes time and take that time. Limit or avoid contact with him for now as that will reopen wounds before you’re properly healed..

It may not be much, but downloading the deleted app and logging with his FB account was pretty smart. You can take care of yourself. It won’t make this s**k any less, but you can take care of yourself.

lick_me_where_I_fart −  Lol “my friend was using it”. He was/is trying to cheat on you, just hasn’t been successful.

VacationBarbie-x −  If he’s lying about tinder and how he doesn’t know this girl what other things has he lied about/ will lie about in future. Plus if he’s willing to cheat when your out of town that just pulls it all together for me. He’s clearly not able to be trusted! I’d just confront him and lay it out to him wanting the whole truth or your gone.

[Reddit User] −  He’s lying, you know he’s lying. He was trying to hook up with someone 3 months ago. Why are you still questioning things?

[Reddit User] −  I was with someone for a very long time who was like this, would lie about s**t and continue to deny it even when there is direct proof otherwise. This kind of s**t makes you crazy – i mean that in a serious, non-exaggerative way, it impacted my mental and emotional health in a way i wish i had not had to deal with.

they hold on to their lies \*because it makes you doubt yourself\*, because how could they continue to lie when you have f**king proof, right? your post is why, because it makes you doubt yourself. please run far and fast in the other direction from this dude.

How would you handle discovering such betrayal? Do you think the Redditor’s decision to end the relationship is justified, and what advice would you give her to move forward confidently? Share your thoughts and experiences below!