I [18 M] found out a number of my relationships were sabotaged/being sabotaged by my closest friends [18-19 M&F].

A Reddit user (18M) shares how his closest friends, whom he’s known for most of his life, sabotaged his attempts to form new friendships and relationships. They accessed his private messages, used insider knowledge to orchestrate pranks and drama, and justified their actions by claiming they were targeting relationships that wouldn’t last.

This betrayal deeply hurt him and made him feel hesitant to trust new people. While he feels conflicted about cutting ties due to their long history and past positive experiences, he’s unsure how to proceed. Read the full story below:

‘ I [18 M] found out a number of my relationships were sabotaged/being sabotaged by my closest friends [18-19 M&F].’

I consider myself as being happy that I can maintain a small number of circles of friends with some overlap between them. I’m even more extremely grateful to have this core group that I’ve grown up with for most of my life that stays mostly separate from the rest of the circles because it gives me the chance to speak *in confidence* about other people without any bias in the opinions that they give to me.

Recently I found out that said closer circle of friends had been playing pranks on me for the greater part of this year, and had been getting a kick out of watching my frustration with new friends I had made this year decide to cut contact with me.

I only found out as in a group chat I’m in someone accidentally referenced an event I had not told them about in a way that could only be described as them being orchestrators behind the drama. Turns out this insider knowledge came from my closest friend who had been actively reading my messages on numerous social media on my devices and with the help of the others in the group,

began thinking and acting out ways to subtly mess with these newly-formed friendships and relationships. They’ve told me that they only went after specific people that they deemed that my relationships with them won’t last, and I had to agree to disagree because it was as a result of their interference with them that they didn’t.

And it hurts me deeply because I tried to be a more open person this year and I wanted these new relationships I made to work but negative experience after negative experience led me to returning to being defensive and overly-cautious with making genuine lasting friendships and relationships.

I’m not sure how I’m to make a decision to address this. One part of me tells me to cut these people out of my life but I had known them for so long that to do so would leave a big hole where the mostly positive experiences I’ve had with them would be. What do you guys think I should do?

See what others had to share with OP:

[Reddit User] −  These are not “pranks.” This is bullying and isolation. This isn’t funny or well intentioned, it’s cruel. However well you got along with these people in the past, they are not your friends now. Cut them off, every single person who was in on it. If your budding relationships are salvageable, go for it; also be on the lookout for a new friend group who won’t treat you this way.

Tricklev −  With friends like these I can’t even imagine what the word enemy would mean. These people are s**t, why would friends actively try to make you unhappy and laugh about it behind your back?

SaucySaboteuse −  You’re going to get eleventy messages that say, “d**p them”, and that is, in fact, what you should do. However, if you don’t want this to happen again in the future, you need to figure out a) why “d**p them” was not the obvious, only, and mandatory solution to you, to the point that you had to ask strangers what to do and b) what criteria you use to choose friends. These two questions are related.

codeverity −  but I had known them for so long that to do so would leave a big hole where the mostly positive experiences I’ve had with them would be. Sometimes it’s better to cut your losses before the negative experiences start to far outnumber the positive ones. Your friends don’t respect you.

They ‘deemed the relationships won’t last’? Of course they didn’t once they interfered! They betrayed your trust in them by messing with your life and from the sounds of it, snooping through your phone as well. They show no remorse from what you’ve said,

and their behaviour is that of people who feel superior to you because they think they know better than you do. I would cut them off and move on. Maybe reach out to those people whose friendships you lost and see if you can make amends, otherwise make new friends. You deserve better than this crap.

Babu_the_Ocelot −  Obviously cut them. Like seriously? It’s not up for debate, that’s some mental s**t. I have a really insular group of friends who are definitely NOT the norm (we’re all intense, not drink orientated, highly sociable yet antisocial, intensely loyal and private humans),

but I can’t imagine any of them (or myself) doing something to negatively interfere with my friends’ other relationships, and certainly not to the vindictive degree they’ll clearly been doing it. I can ALMOST see pulling a prank and at the end fessing up for all to have a laugh about it, but this s**t is dark man. These people aren’t your friends; you’re their guinea pig.

Either they’re jealous and want to keep you for themselves, which is unhealthy and untenable, or they’re purely malicious and don’t give a f**k about you, which is also unhealthy and untenable. Time to move on; maybe you can reach out to these spurned friends and explain to them what happened? Might help kick-start your new social circle.

tiger1296 −  You sure they’re your “Friends”? You sound more like a toy for them to play with. You don’t need them

[Reddit User] −  “Oh, so you think being cut off by friends is funny? Well start laughing, I’m out”. Mic drop and walk away. But then actually cut contact, don’t let them weasel their way back into your life just because you’ve known them for so long, or whatever other BS reason they’ll try to manipulate you with.

reallynomaybe −  I’m not sure how I’m to make a decision to address this. One part of me tells me to cut these people out of my life but I had known them for so long that to do so would leave a big hole where the mostly positive experiences I’ve had with them would be. What do you guys think I should do?

I think you should let them go before their toxicity erases any fond memories you have of them. What they did is not okay to do to an enemy, let alone someone they claim as a “friend”. It reveals a m**ipulative, rather evil side to them that I don’t see how you can ignore now that you’re aware of it.

smileycat −  Cut them out. You are nothing more than a play thing to them. Believe me I know how you feel. I had a very close group of friends from middle school – through high school. We all survived different colleges and remained tight. But sooner or later, when you’re dealing with toxic people, everything falls apart. I learned this lesson the hard way and had to cut all my friends out in my early 30’s.

Starting over is hard and as an adult making new friends seems impossible. Making new friends is difficult enough with out your so called friends sabotaging you. Cutting them out will be painful, it will be lonely and it will mess with your head.

But it’s still better in the end. At least by doing this early on in your life you’ll have the opportunity to really take advantage of new opportunities to meet new people and the right kind of people. I am sorry this is happening to you. I know first hand just how painful this can be.

d00m5day −  These people are manipulating you and are not your friends OP. Find better friends, you are still very young! All my closest friends now, I have happened to meet after I turned 20, so never too late to find real friends.

Trust, once broken, can be hard to rebuild, especially when the betrayal comes from those closest to us. Should he work through this with his friends or move on to protect his well-being? How would you handle such a situation? Share your thoughts below.