I (17m) just found out that my sister (35) is actually my mother.

A 17-year-old boy discovered that the woman he grew up thinking was his sister is actually his biological mother. The revelation came out during a tense dinner, and now he’s grappling with feelings of betrayal and confusion.

His parents, who raised him as their own, have assured him that things don’t need to change, but he’s torn between staying with them or trying to form a relationship with his biological mother. Read the full story below.

‘ I (17m) just found out that my sister (35) is actually my mother.’

My sister wasn’t around much when I was growing up because she was in college then medical school. She’d visit on holidays and the weekends if she wasn’t busy. Whenever she’d visit she would spend a lot of time with me and she’d take me places, buy me things and give me advice when I needed it.

I always felt like I could tell her anything and she wouldn’t judge me for it. She never really got along with our parents and I never knew what it was about but they would argue often and there was always a lot of tension around them. My parents were very loving and we get along so no issues there.

When she started dating her now husband she spent less time with me and she would come over less often. 5 years ago she got married to the guy. I don’t like him at all. He’s like an overgrown frat guy and he’s always teasing me or saying dumb s**t, he can never read the room.

I’ve spoken to my sister about it but she says that it’s just his way of bonding with people and that he means well and is a nice guy. He’s been a pain in the ass for 5 years and just when I was going to give him a chance he fucked it up.

My sister and her husband came over for dinner two nights ago and were going to sleep over because they live 2 hours away. He took that as an opportunity to drink as much as he wanted. He’s already insufferable when sober so drunk him is even worse.

My sister and I were catching up because it’s been a while and I was telling her how I would like to go into the medical field like her. J**kass husband then comes in saying that it’s great that I want to follow in my mom’s footsteps.

My mom has never worked in the medical field so I was confused and thought he was just being dumb but my sister’s face went so pale and my parents were very quiet. I just looked at my sister and could tell that it wasn’t just a dumb comment. I locked myself in my room and didn’t come out until the next day.

There was a lot of yelling and I just learned something huge so I didn’ want to deal with it. When I finally decided to leave the room I saw that my sister was sitting right outside the door and that j**k was gone. I asked her wtf was going on and told her not to lie to me or I’ll never speak to her again.

She told me that she got pregnant in her senior year of high school and the guy cut all contact with her. She wanted to keep me and our parents were fully supportive of her. She found out that she got into her dream school but she would have to either give up the school or give me up. She couldn’t choose so she decided to keep both.

She spoke to our parents about it and the plan was to have them take care of me while she’s in school and when can she will take me back. I was supposed to grow up knowing that she is my mom but because she was so busy and stressed out she didn’t think that she could handle motherhood.

Our parents noticed that she was pulling away so they adopted me and raised me as theirs. She said that she was young and dumb at the time so she agreed with the adoption. She said that she thought of dropping out and taking me back so many times but thought I was better off without her as a mom.

As the years went by she saw less reason to tell me since I was doing good and was being well taken care of. She started crying and telling me that she regrets her decision and wants to be my mom even though I’m almost an adult she wants us to start over as mother and son. I told her I’d think about it and then she left. I went to speak to my parents.

They told me that they did everything for me because they love me and I’m not obligated to leave now that I know. They said that things don’t have to change if I don’t want them to. It seemed more like they didn’t want things to change. I feel like my whole life is a lie. I know that I was well taken care of and I don’t want to seem ungrateful but I was lied to my whole life.

I don’t see myself calling my sister “mom” and living life as if everything is ok. My parents are the ones who raised me so how could I just leave them like that. On the other hand if I don’t decide to go with my sister she might feel like I’m rejecting her or that I hate her and after 17 years she might really give up on me. I’m so torn and feel betrayed.

I can’t believe that I found out from that a**hole. That makes me even more mad. I feel like I have to pick a side I don’t know how to do that. I kinda just wanna run away and forget about all of this. Everyone is kinda leaving it up to me and I don’t even know what I want for breakfast on a good day. How do I approach this without everyone getting hurt?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

thisisforyall −  You don’t have to pick a side. I’m fairly sure your sister will understand that you can’t “start over”, you’re about to be an adult. She watched you grow up, be it from the sidelines, so she didn’t completely miss anything. And of course your parents don’t want things to change, they raised you as their own so they see you as such!

If you are okay with the way things are, your birth mother being your sister and your grandparents being your parents, then tell them just that. This is going to take time to adjust to and your relationship with your sister is going to be a little different simply bc you now know who she really is to you,

but that doesn’t mean that time won’t get you back to where you were or to where you want to be with her. Take some time, as much as you need, and think about what you want to change if you want anything to change at all.

Nobody says you have to know right now and nobody in their right mind would expect you to. They all love you, but do what you think is best for you. Everyone made their decisions, now it’s time for you to take your time making yours.

UltimateStrenergy −  It doesn’t sound like either your parents or your sister/bio mother are going to judge you or forget about you for making either choice. You’re clearly very important to all of them and it’s not reasonable to treat you like you’re picking one over the other. Especially after a huge revelation.

Just keep in mind if you choose your bio mom to live with then you’ll essentially have the husband you don’t like as a stepfather. But there are pros and cons to every choice. You’re almost at a point where you can move out and even then I’m sure you won’t be rejected if you change your mind later.. Good luck, take it easy.

Healthy_Platypus −  Hey dude. A couple of things you are probably going to discover in the next couple of years anyway, but it might help for someone to tell you now.

1) When you become an adult (basically where you are now) grandparents, parents and sibling or whoever basically become interchangable. As an adult I seek guidance from sister at least as often as my parents. It’s not like being a kid where you parent is your first port of call for everything. Your parents become your peers rather than your minders.

2) Adults f**k all kinds of s**t up. There isn’t an age where you get it all figured out. They didn’t hide this from you to f**k with you, they did it because they really thought this was the best way. Maybe they were wrong, but don’t be too hard on them and don’t be too hard on yourself when you f**k s**t up.

anicole_ −  I know you have a lot of advice here, and I do not have the same story as yours, but it does remind me of my own life. My mom had me when she was 15. Of course she was just a kid herself and still lived with my grandparents, hence I lived with them as well.

Long life story short, my mom has always been a – (as much as it pains me to say this because I do love her dearly, she just has alwayyysssss seemed to make decisions I could never comprehend, and still can’t to this day. ugh so frustrating this woman is lol) -fuckup.

When she was old enough to move on her own, she was like 23 I think, she did, and me and my 3 year old sister stayed with my grandparents. Now I never have called my grandma and grandpa mom and dad, they have always been our nana and papa; but as I’m older I realize how much they do deserve the titles of mom and dad- and they know it.

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are always particularly emotional as we have these amazing grandparents who really are the main stable, mature, parental figures in our lives that we all know deserve these titles, but we just still stick with nana and papa.

They have been there every step of the way- not to say my mom hasn’t, as she has been there for the majority of the big events in my life, but not the ones like parents do, where they have to drag you to school, every soccer practice, dentist appointment, etc.

I know my mom is my mom but my grandparents are really parents and I don’t know what I would’ve done without them. When my mom was stable enough to finally get us and take care of us on her own, I was 15.

I stayed with her until I was about 19 until I realized I wanted to be home and moved back in at my grandparents house while my sister stayed with my mom. So yeah now I’m 21 back at home, and of course I will always love my mom and she knows that,

but she also knows it was best for me to be back at home with my grandparents. Honestly I just say do what your heart desires. I can’t imagine the pain you felt to know you were lied to, but I know there is so much love in your story and don’t worry about who you may hurt,

in the end do what you think is best for you and I’m sure (or at least I hope) your family will support you in whatever decision you make. Just know that your parents love you and wanted to give you a life that they thought would’ve been better than what your mom could’ve!

EclecticVictuals −  First of all, give yourself time. Second, your sister was expressing her deeply held love and regrets. She so deeply cares about you.
You don’t have to decide anything and really you and your sister should do some family counseling as should you and your parents.

Maybe part of this decision was how well you were doing and maybe part was that your parents didn’t want to give you up. Either way, it would have been very difficult for your sister and disruptive for you.

Call your sister and tell her how much you love her and how much she means to you. She was sitting on the floor outside your room, for how long, she loves you so much it hurts. Tell her you want to keep working on your relationship and can’t define it right now. You want to keep seeing her and get some therapy alone and with her.

(Realistically, it would be difficult and not necessary to move for the final year of school, two hours away. If your parents were no longer around it would be different.) I would tell your parents how much you love and appreciate them and the life they have afforded you. Tell them you aren’t making any decisions.

You want to stay home and finish school. You want therapy and family counseling to process this and keep everyone healthy. I am worried about your sister! Give her all the love you can spare. She did the best she could, and if your parents weren’t so awesome she may have made a different choice.
I do wonder what happened with her husband.

I feel bad for her (and you) it was revealed this way. You are here now. Be grateful for the cup that runs over with so many people that love, take care of, and want YOU. Things may feel like they have changed, but also nothing has changed.

Be compassionate to yourself and your sister. Be loving and kind. No decision is necessary just because she asked – it was an emotional plea. So express love – she needs it – stay put for now. Get therapy. ❤️

gobias_bees −  There’s a lot of love in this dogshit sandwich of a situation you’re in. Take some time and talk to someone objective, like a therapist, before you communicate with any of them.

dontlicklemons −  I created an account just to respond to this. It sounds like you have an amazing family that is supportive of you. You don’t have to pick sides and I don’t think your parents or sister would want you to feel like you’re picking sides.

Your grandma is your mom that raised you and there is nothing wrong with seeing her as your mom and not your sister/bio mom. While it is true your relationship with your sister is forever changed, I don’t think it is for the worse. But Let’s recognize how much it sucked that you had to find out the way you did.

I can tell you are an amazing young man who truly cares about not hurting the people that love you. I assure you, they are proud of you and they love you no matter what. It’s not your responsibility to manage their feelings, you need to take care of your own feelings even if you don’t know what they are. It is ok to say you don’t know.

It is ok to make whatever choice makes sense for you. I can say with almost complete certainty that neither your parents or sister/bio mom will take any decisions personally. From everything you wrote, it’s clear they all love you so much. How do I know this? Well I am a 35f with a 17f daughter that I had my senior year of high school.

I decided to skip traditional college to raise my daughter (without her bio dad) while working full time and going to a local college at night. It was hard. But I wasn’t totally alone because my parents helped me so much.

They watched her while I was in school, let me crash at their place whenever I needed or wanted, they were there for me and encouraged me to excel when the odds were against me. They love her as if she was their daughter too. I feel lucky to have family that was there for both of us. You and your family have that too and it’s so special.

mayorofslamdunkcity −  You have three people in your life who love and care about you. It seems like they want to do whatever it takes to make you happy. It doesn’t seem like they’re going to feel mad or betrayed. You aren’t giving anything up. You’ll still have them all in your life.

[Reddit User] −  This is exactly why parents should NEVER withhold where their child is from and who their real parents are if they are adopted. Telling them as soon as they’re able to speak is how you avoid hurting people like this young man.

Now he’s going to feel betrayed for the rest of his life and have resentment that all the therapy in the world couldn’t fix. I’m sorry this happened to you OP. No one should have this thrown on them like that.

Oh_Pun_Says_Me −  I’m sorry, dude. I know you didn’t ask for any of this. But this *is* your story. I say you take all the time you need to process and make any decisions that might need to be made.

Do what you feel is right for yourself. If you start thinking that your choice may hurt this person or that person, reel it back in–i feel they owe you one after they all made a choice that ended up hurting you. Anything *you* decide is the right choice.

This situation is incredibly complex and emotional. What would be the best approach for him to navigate this relationship with both his parents and his biological mother? Should he try to start fresh with his mother or stay with the parents who raised him? How would you approach the balance between truth and loyalty in such a delicate situation? Share your thoughts below.

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/MKgBn