Husband M/61 and me F/55 in elevator with two M/30s – hubby tells me I’m flirting because I cracked a joke and made them laugh. Am I the problem?

A woman shared her frustration after her husband accused her of flirting with two younger men in an elevator because she cracked a joke that made them laugh. She sees herself as a naturally friendly person, especially given their long-standing self-employed business.

However, her husband believes her behavior reflects poorly on him, claiming she should “represent him” better. Now she’s questioning whether she’s being insensitive to his insecurities or if his reaction stems from jealousy. Read on for the full story and share your thoughts.

‘ Husband M/61 and me F/55 in elevator with two M/30s – hubby tells me I’m flirting because I cracked a joke and made them laugh. Am I the problem?’

To add context to this, we entering a building where we own a condo unit. We work out of this location every day so people are generally familiar with each other. I saw the two guys running for the elevator so I held it, my husband had already walked into the elevator.

I joked with the first guy that he didn’t even hold the elevator for his friend. Then the first guy cracked a joke with his friend about the sandals he was wearing (with the toes out in below freezing weather). So the friend claimed he was repping Kanye (with those u**y Kanye sandals – my opinion).

So I said Yuk! We all laughed and he replied “I’m going to give you that today” meaning let me win that argument. All this was within a less than 1 minute conversation in the elevator. We all got off on the same floor (one of the guys was our neighbor).

When we got in our unit, my husband immediate said “it needed to be bought to my attention that the young guys thought I was flirting with them.” I asked how was that flirting. He said because I was laughing with them.

I asked if he was assuming that they interpreted it that way because HE interpreted it that way. He got upset with me and told me that until I “understand that I am representing HIM”, we were going to continue to have problems. I don’t feel that I should have to change that I am a friendly person.

We have been together over 20 years and have run a business together for nearly as long. Being friendly comes with the business when you are self-employed. Am I the problem? Is laughing flirting? Am I being insensitive to my husband’s “manhood”? Or am I potentially giving in to jealousy or insecurities? Help!

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

lizzyote −  I bet your husband thinks the cashier is flirting with him when she smiles at him lol

A-R-U −  Wow. Talk about being insecure.

BackgroundGate3 −  Crikey, I must be the world’s biggest flirt because I laugh and joke with younger guys all the time. It’s called being sociable and your husband is a d**k.

Wise_woman_1 −  You’ve been married for 20 years. Was his comment out of character? Does he regularly accuse you of flirting/cheating? How often has he told you that you “represent” him? (A really disturbing comment imo unless his stance is that you both represent yourselves and one another).

WTF does he mean you’re going to “continue to have problems”? Speaking with or laughing with someone is not flirting. I have a few friends that are unintentional flirts, they are interested in people and are unaware of their prolonged eye contact, reaching out to physically touch someone while interacting,

turning their body to directly face them (especially in an enclosed space like an elevator) can all be perceived as flirting by both the person they are speaking with and to those witnessing the interaction. Whether this is the case with you or not would require video or another, impartial, witness.

girlwhaaat −  Don’t let him talk you into believing you did something wrong. You didn’t. And the fact he is avoiding meeting up with other couples out of concern you might be attracted to them as you stated in a comment makes me feel like this is tapping controlling territory.

Don’t let him isolate you in making you believe you can never even laugh with another man again.

Dry-Crab7998 −  “understand that you are representing him”? Crikey! Insecure much? You are definitely not the problem.

LincolnHawkHauling −  I HATE when people use the word “insecure” with reckless abandon on Reddit…but ma’am, your husband is insecure.

Far-Office7551 −  Would he have thought you were flirting if you behaved in the exact same way with two women? If the answer is no, then the problem here isn’t your behaviour.

panic_bread −  If your husband thinks that women and men can’t laugh together without it being flirting, then he doesn’t think that women and men can be friends, which is sexist nonsense.

CinnamonPumpkin13 −  So if a waitress smiles and asks your husband what she can get for him, does he think she wants to s**k his d**k?