Husband gave me an ultimatum, what do I do?
A Reddit user (27F) shares that her husband (26M) has given her an ultimatum regarding starting a family. She’s dealing with several health issues, including breathing problems, fibromyalgia, and severe anxiety, and is focused on her health before considering having children.
However, her husband insists they start trying in January, claiming he wants a child before his father passes away. He threatened that if she doesn’t agree, their relationship could end.
She’s unsure how to proceed, especially after his hurtful comment about her age and finding a new partner. She’s set to attend couples counseling but feels emotionally drained by the situation. Read the full story below to explore the challenges and tough decisions she’s facing.
‘ Husband gave me an ultimatum, what do I do?’
My(27f) Husband (26m) told me he wants to start trying for children in January. I have multiple health problems I’m trying to get under control; breathing issues, possible fibromyalgia, thyroid condition, and severe anxiety, so my first focus is primarily on myself rather than growing a tiny human at the moment.
I’ve been seeing doctors the past few months to try and figure out my breathing issues and I’ve told him that I really don’t think I’m ready for this yet. Our relationship has been pretty rocky too so I want to make sure we’re in a healthy enough relationship for kids.
The thing is, he told me that I have until January to agree, or thats that. He said that we aren’t getting any younger and he doesn’t want to spend this time with me when he could be spending it with someone else who could give him a child.
His reasoning is that his father isn’t well and he wants his dad to have a grandkid before he passes, which as of now, he’ll likely be around for a little while yet. He said this to me two nights ago and I’m still at a loss.
He has told me in the past too that if we do separate, it’s harder for someone my age to find a partner then it is for him, because statistically older women have a hard time. I’m 27? That’s not too old right???
I just don’t know what to do. Do I just call it? We’re set to do couples counseling in 2 weeks but I don’t know if I have any fight in me after that remark. I’m afraid to be alone again since I met him right after a really a**sive relationship.
Check out how the community responded:
CafeteriaMonitor − I would take him up on the divorce offer. Somebody who doesn’t care that you are having health problems is not the right person to have a kid with, especially when your relationship has been rocky already in other ways.
In terms of meeting somebody who wants to have kids, lots of people start having kids in their 30s, and you still have a couple years before you even reach that point.
tartcherryjam − Let him go. You are not healthy enough for a child, nor is your relationship healthy enough for a child. He’s an a**hole. And 27 is young!
RabbitMouseGem − it’s harder for someone my age to find a partner then it is for him, because statistically older women have a hard time. He wants to lower your self-esteem and self-worth so you will stay with him. “No one else will want you.” Don’t fall for that m**ipulative b**lshit.
not_falling_down − ***27*** is *not* an “older woman.”
Chorazin − Get out of there OP. Your husband is willing to let you suffer major medical complications or die to get his kid. S**ew all that. Not to mention you’re still so YOUNG!! I bet dollars to donuts if you look at his other behaviors objectively, this isn’t the first time he’s tried to pull some m**ipulative s**t.
BeltalowdaOPA22 − Why would you ever consider having children with a man who threatens to leave you if you don’t do what he says?
TheLittleAngels − He’s 27? I didn’t have my first kid until I was 33…. It’s not like you’re both going to dry up at 30. Tell him to touch grass, let you get your health concerns under control and then you’ll talk kids. What a d**che. I never met him and already I don’t like him. Threatening divorce when you don’t pump out kids when HE’S ready?
tinaxbelcher − He wants an incubator, not a wife. What do you want to be?
belhambone − Call it. This is just a different kind of abuse. Health comes first.
TinkerBell9617 − Call it. This is a form of manipulation and you have every reason to want to have a stable relationship first. I’m 28, was with my partner 8 years and we planned our child. I thought our relationship was going great but I guess I was wrong.
Only after having my baby did I notice they were cheating on me threw a video game. Needless to say I’m a single mom now and guess what? I still have people lined up to sleep with me/be with me 😅😂 I’m the one who wants none of it lol you focus on yourself and your health.
You need a healthy mama to make a healthy baby and to be able to care for that baby. It sounds like you’ve got some great reasoning behind your decision and it sounds like you’ll go far in life no matter what you do
Do you think the Reddit user should stand firm and prioritize her health and well-being, or is it important to compromise for the sake of her husband’s wishes? How would you approach a relationship where an ultimatum is given regarding such a big life decision? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!