Husband (49M) always grumpy, I (50 f) can’t live with it anymore?

A woman (50F) shares her struggles with her husband’s (49M) persistent grumpiness and abrasive behavior, which has led her to feel like she’s constantly walking on eggshells. She confronts him after an outburst involving her son and expresses her desperation for a peaceful life, but she doubts his capacity to change without her taking on the burden of managing his emotions. She seeks advice on whether change is possible and how to move forward.

 

‘ Husband (49M) always grumpy, I (50 f) can’t live with it anymore?’

My husband (49m) is grumpy and abrasive a lot of the time. Subconsciously, I find myself tiptoeing around him, trying not to set off a temper tantrum. I have spoken to him about it numerous times and earlier in our marriage I have told him.if it continues I will leave him.
Yesterday he blew up because one of our animals did something and he would have to fix it.

He started swearing and stomping around, fair enough whatever, but then he started on my son because he had taken something he needed. For me that was the final straw. I told him then and there to never speak to my child like that and that if he didn’t stop with this I would leave him.

Later I explained the effect his moods have on me and he apologised, but I just don’t think he has the emotional intelligence to understand that there really is an issue there, secretly I think he thinks I am over reacting. I.explained to him that it effects my feelings for him because I see him as an immature child.

I am desperate to live a peaceful and happy second half of my life, after the pain and hardship of the first half. What are the chances of him changing without me taking responsibility for managing his moods and behaviour because I have zero interest in doing this?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Hot-Lawfulness-311 −  This is going to seriously impact your child’s mental wellbeing (more than it already has) if you don’t do something.

sakinota −  You can’t change a 50 year old. If you have “enabled” him for 25 years then he won’t change now. You need to set a clear boundary. I am not saying you need to get a divorce. But remove yourself from him and the situation until he seeks help 🙂 and then I would recommend counseling for both of you. There must be a reason why he is so moody and you have been affected by it as well. It is like a 4 year old that you threaten to give a consequence but you never do. You need to make the boundary very clear

PrincessPlastilina −  This stuff usually gets worse with age. He will get worse.

koryglenn −  As a 48 year old man, I’d say to get your husband’s hormone levels checked. Mine started to drop and really affected my mood and temperament. I had been deficient for a pretty long time and am finally starting to feel like myself again.

CatCharacter848 −  Is he like this with everyone else or just you. If it’s just you, then he can clearly stop this behaviour when he wants. If you’ve let him get away with it for years. Then, you will have to follow through with your ultimatum. Or he will just continue. Maybe some space will make you realise that you don’t have to live like this.

plastic_venus −  This man is almost half a century old. If he lacks emotional regulation and consideration for others now he’s not suddenly about to gain it.

yagot2bekidding −  Could it be he’s better at being the person that is needed, the one that holds you up during the hard times? Now that things are better, it sounds like you don’t need him as much, and that might be difficult for him. And he might not even realize it. I’ve heard personalities can change when a partner is not needed as much for support, like with cancer patients that go into remission. Just a thought…

insomnia1144 −  Is there a chance he’s depressed? Depression can present this way in men. It definitely did in my husband. I so relate to the walking on eggshells around him.

Livid_Refrigerator69 −  Tell him you expect him to see your GP to rule out a psychological cause. Then Off to Anger Management he goes. Make it clear that if he refuses to get treatment, medication, therapy or a combination , you’re done, you refuse to spend the rest of your life in a verbally abusive relationship.

PTSSuperFunTimeVet −  Holy crap. This is so incredibly bad. OP, you are living in an abusive relationship. Verbal abuse and emotional distress is not okay in any relationship. Please leave. He will never change. You know this.