Husband (31M) refuses to let me (23F) have a day off from the kids

A Redditor shared her frustration about her husband refusing to give her a much-needed break from parenting, despite her being a stay-at-home mom with no local support system. As she prepares to meet an old friend, his response leaves her questioning if her feelings are valid. Read the full story below to learn more.

‘ Husband (31M) refuses to let me (23F) have a day off from the kids’

Me and my husband have been married for 4 years and we have 2 kids together (3 yr old and a 7 month old). I’ve been a SAHM ever since we had our first kid and things have been going well for us.

I moved away from home to be with him and I don’t know anyone here. All of my outings have been with my husband.

This weekend, a friend of mine is visiting and I told my husband I would love to have some time off so that I can meet up with her. He flat out said no and that he refuses to use his weekend to take care of the kids and the house.

His reasoning is that he works hard all week and expects me to stay home or take the kids with me. Am I wrong to be upset over his reaction?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Gryffindor85 −  I’m more worried that you moved away from home, have made no friends there, and only go out with your husband. Does he prevent you from from talking with family as well or joining a mommy/kid play group? He sounds controlling and like an a**hole for not willing to spend at least one day alone with his kids.

jk10021 −  Your husband is being an a**hole here. It’s not watching the kids. They’re his kids. It’s spending time with the kids. He should be excited about that.. Edit: typo.

[Reddit User] −  Simple as this, they are his children also. He got the fun in making them, he bares as much responsibility as you do for looking after them. Yes he works, but you don’t spend your days laying around doing nothing. You take care of the children you both share together. It’s a red flag. You’re separated from your family and friends. Your husbands an ass.

-purple-is-a-fruit- −  Lot of red flags here. He’s older. Married you super young. He moved you away where you don’t know anyone. You’re a SAHM of 2 kids at a young age with no income and he won’t let you see friends. It feels like he’s trying to isolate you, and this reads like the set up for an abusive relationship. It could just be he’s an insensitive d**bass, but it could also be he’s a controlling person who’s trying to keep you cut off from potential support networks so you can’t leave. It’s hard to tell just from what you have told us here.

Here’s a test: do you have access to money? Do you have joint accounts that you can both access? Can you take out money as needed? Or does he control all of the finances? If you wanted to leave, could you?

Giving him the benefit of the doubt that he’s not controlling or abusive, you should break it down for him. Be like look, “I moved here for you. I know no one. I have no friends or family here. I watch your 2 young children all day every day. I don’t get breaks from that. Ever. All I am asking for is one weekend to see my friend. I don’t think that is too much to ask.” And if he can’t give it to you without being a total shithead about it, I think you need to take a real hard look at your relationship.

centeredsis −  One problem is that he doesn’t see your efforts at keeping up the house, meal prep, and child care as “work”. You have a very demanding job and you deserve time off. Not just for the weekend you mentioned but regularly. You can’t make him want to spend time with the kids (sad) so your only option is to arrange childcare.

TheMeatClown −  No, you’re not wrong and your husband is a d**k.

StonedRamblings −  Why does a 27 year old marry a 19 year old? How long was he grooming you… er… dating you before you got married?

MasterPip −  My wife is a SAHM and I practically beg her to get out while I watch our daughter. We all need adult time away from kids, regardless of who works and who stays at home. Sacrificing a weekend now and again to let you have some time to yourself is entirely within reason. Hes being an a**hole. Now if he had made plans prior and told you about them, then that would be a little different.

Syncrinity −  I don’t like his reaction at all. That’s just wrong on so many levels.

madevilfish −  I know this isn’t the point but you were 19 and he was 27 when you got married? How long were you dating for? BUT your husband is a huge d**k. Okay, so he works all week. You know what else is work? Taking care of two kids! suggest you two switch for a week and see how that goes. You NEED time off, you deserve time off. You need time to be an adult.