How to deal with my dad (50/M) moving his GF (48/F) in as a 16/F teenager?

A 16-year-old is struggling with the sudden and unexpected move of their dad’s girlfriend into the family home, creating awkwardness, discomfort, and emotional strain. Their younger siblings are also feeling uneasy, and the teen doesn’t know how to navigate the situation, particularly with feelings of depression, social isolation, and difficulty forming relationships with new people.

‘ How to deal with my dad (50/M) moving his GF (48/F) in as a 16/F teenager?’

My dad recently moved his partner in without asking me or my siblings if it was ok. This has created a lot of awkwardness for us, and my 2 younger siblings keep telling me they are uncomfortable living with her because it’s like having a stranger in our house. I feel the same way. I don’t really know how to cope so I’ve just not really talked to her beyond saying hi and good night and how was your day to her.

Recently, my dad has asked me why I haven’t talked to her more and I told him that I’m not that outgoing or talkative with strangers. He said that she wasn’t a stranger and I said she felt like one. I asked why it wasn’t ok for me to just coexist with her in the house and to just only exchange small pleasantries, and he got angry at me and said I needed to make her feel welcome.

I just don’t know how. She seems nice, but I’ve been feeling depressed about not seeing my friends, and so I’m tired and run-down a lot. I have a bad relationship with my mom, too, so I’m wary of older women and women who are in a position to be maternal. Tl;dr: I’m looking for advice on how to deal with my dad’s girlfriend moving in.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

[Reddit User] −  Honestly? Sounds like you were doing fine. Be polite. Be pleasant. Maybe periodically try to engage with her. It’s not on you, the kid, to develop a relationship with this older adult. And if you aren’t there yet, that’s fine. Maybe ask your dad why this is such an issue for them. What do they want to happen? What do they view as wrong here?

tangerine-trees- −  Did any of you meet her before he moved her in? It is so bizarre to me that some parents pull stunts like this.

gabatme −  This is not on you – it’s 100% on your dad. If he is someone you can talk to, sit him down and tell him how it made you feel that he didn’t give you any input into moving someone into your home. Tell him you don’t feel like you know his GF at all, and that you feel uncomfortable with the situation. If he can listen and own up to his messup, then you can go from there in figuring out ways to get along with GF.

Coexisting with a roommate (essentially what she is now) is perfectly fine – be polite, don’t leave a big mess, etc. Kind of prepares you for college life, in a way. But if you can, it might make things easier to be open to getting to know her, once the shock wears off. Your dad should be putting forth a majority of the effort in making that happen, since this was his decision.

Hebden_Herbivore −  Your dad is expecting you to do the emotional labour of building a relationship with his girlfriend, which is a really s**tty thing to do. It is his girlfriend and his children so he needs to act as the bridge not you. Tell him this.

CSI_IJssel −  I am so sorry you have to go through this, it is a very unpleasant experience and I completely get where you’re coming from. If I may ask, how long have your father and his GF been together? Have you spend time with her before she moved in? And has she made an effort to get to know you and your siblings or is she just there? Would you mind helping us paint the picture?

majere616 −  Your dad screwed up here. He should have given you and your siblings much more of an opportunity to develop some kind of relationship with her (be it parental or not) before moving her into your home. That was a selfish decision on his part and it’s not your fault you view this stranger as stranger. Your dad wanted to skip the hard part of actually letting his kids get to know his new partner and go right to the part where you’re all a family and that’s just not how this works.

lexy-plexy −  I dont think your dad should have “asked” you, but he should have discussed it with you first. Efforts should have been made to ensure that everyone was comfortable and the transition smoother. I would suggest talking to your dad and expressing your concerns.

Being in a blended family is difficult. For all people. Starting with being polite/friendly is a good start. And something everyone should do for roommates. Hopefully your dad sees where he went wrong and makes efforts to help everyone get to know one another more.
But also I think some empathy could go a long way. Being a step parent is difficult. So your understanding that and trying your best would be awesome. And being a step kid is difficult. So their understanding that and trying their best would be awesome. Everyone has to give a little here if you all expect to move forward.

whitewave610 −  As a step mom this seems so weird to me! My stepdaughter was younger than you when I moved in, she was 11, but it was definitely a conversation and I had been around for years. I was not a stranger. It’s definitely not fair to you or your siblings. Is there another adult you can talk to? Therapist, aunt, uncle?

My parents are still married but I could see my dad doing this. Well my house, I want her to move in so she’s in. Kids will adjust. Is there anyway you and your dad can talk privately and say something about how you want him to be happy etc but you and your siblings are still adjusting? Good luck.

Orion8719 −  Why is the job of a minor to make adults feel comfortable? Your dad is out of touch.

WolfsBane00799 −  I wasn’t asked for permission for my parents to move someone I’m when I was a teenager. Nor did I meet my mom’s boyfriend before he moved in. However, that was on her. My dad however, has allow d us to meet and get to know his girlfriend before he gets a house with her for me to live in during the summer while I’m in college. This is not on you, this is on him to make her feel welcome. Especially since he didnt introduce her beforehand.