How to become better at talking with wife?
A Redditor (30M) shares that, despite being happily married to his wife (32F) for three years and having a child together, he struggles with communication. He is naturally shy, tends to overthink conversations, and often finds himself at a loss for words.
While he and his wife share responsibilities and rarely argue, their main conflict arises from his lack of daily communication. He seeks advice on how to become a better communicator, overcome his overthinking, and talk more openly in his marriage. Read the original story below for insights into his journey.
‘ How to become better at talking with wife? ‘
Self confessed, Husband(30M) bad at talking with wife(32F). I wanna start with that I love my wife more than anything else after being married for 3 years (1kid) and living together for 6 years. We are couple that never fights for a small thing or for some stupid childish reason.
We both have spread our responsibilities evenly and thats not the problem. I love cooking, going to the market, waking up to take kid to school etc… she is invested a lot with our child, she will put her into bed, read stories, dress up etc… so we are good on that part.
Our fights always end up because I’m not talking to her daily. Im a person that shares too much. All of my life I would think a lot before I say or do something how would that affect the other person no matter who it is.
Im very shy and I don’t have much to talk about with strangers or colleagues (when I talk to someone I always think beforehand like… what should I say next, oh no we will sit in silence, his grandma died why did I say this stupid joke about old people… etc).
I really like keeping thing to myself but I also have a very bad habit of not correcting people if I think they do something wrong. If you debate me and I think I’m right I really wouldn’t bother.
I think this is because of my childhood, I was never close with my dad (he is like me he never shares anything), and my mother would always support me no matter what (this is just my assumption I want to go to therapist and smooth things out but thats another story).
Sorry probably I vented too much :)). My question here is how I become a better communicator, talk about everything in the marriage and not overthinking anything? I also end I in a situations where I don’t have anything to say, really I don’t know what to talk about, and when those thoughts come to me Im totally blocked.
Anyway, does anyone have similar situation and has some advice? I’m really trying to work this out because I love my wife so much but Im hitting walls that I don’t know how to overcome. Sorry for bad English, it’s not my native 🙂
These are the responses from Reddit users:
Lunoko − Definitely set up that appointment with a therapist. It will help you in more areas than this. Try journaling. Practice talking in the mirror. Read dialogue heavy books. These things will help, I promise.
Come up with a small goal per day (e.g. ask your wife how work/her day went and then actively listen and ask a follow-up question). Start small and gradually work your way up. Accept that you will make mistakes — this is how you learn.
Eventually, it will be natural. Perhaps, you will get to the point of constant and natural witty banter like you’re a character in a Jane Austin novel. But start with baby steps first. You don’t want to burn yourself out. Good luck!
breeleigh101 − Hey there! So my husband is the same way, withdrawn and quiet. I have also been on him to talk more and share more. It helps with intimacy and growth as a couple when you talk and communicate. My husband and I are in the process of repairing our relationship currently, and therapy has helped.
All I can tell you to do is trust her. Trust her to not judge you for things you say or do. And if you say something or do something that might hurt her or offend her, then she needs to be able to communicate that to you. You have to learn boundaries with the things you say.
Overthinking usually indicates trauma, I urge you to go to therapy. If your wife really wants you to open up and communicate then all you can do is trust that she will help you in the process. One big thing that I’ve learned, when you feel yourself getting heated, communicate that you need a moment to cool down and go calm down.
Come back tho and finish the discussion. Y’all are a team, you should be able to express your concerns and communicate with each other when something comes up instead of bottling it up until it explodes into a fight.
Idk if this is helpful, it’s just what I’ve learned these past few months and I know that everyone is different in their relationships, so just take what resonates with you.
blumoon138 − Have you told your wife about this pattern in your head? That you struggle with feeling like you might say something stupid and that those worries often block you when you try to have a conversation?
OkAtmosphere1705 − 1) Don’t talk. 2) Nod. 3) Grunt. 4) Enjoy happy life
Communication is the backbone of a strong relationship, yet it can be one of the most difficult aspects to navigate. What steps do you think would help this husband overcome his communication struggles? How can someone move past the anxiety of overthinking conversations? Share your thoughts and suggestions below!