How the hell do I (34F) recover from my husband (35M) attacking my appearance during an u**y argument?
A Reddit user shared a deeply hurtful argument with their husband over household thermostat settings, which escalated into personal attacks on their appearance and character. After cruel remarks about their weight and attractiveness, the user is left devastated and questioning if they are overreacting. Read the full story below to consider if this behavior is acceptable in a marriage and how such issues should be addressed.
‘ How the hell do I (34F) recover from my husband (35M) attacking my appearance during an u**y argument?’
Winter is here, and my husband (35M) and I (34M) are having serious disagreements about the thermostat. I like to keep the house warm, around 75F, because I get cold really easily. He works from home and says it’s “too suffocating” for him, even at 72F.
He’s always hot and insists he can’t focus on his work if the heat is blasting. I get that, but our space heater broke last week, and his solution? Telling me to wear a sweater or a jacket IN OUR OWN HOUSE.
I refused because, honestly, I should be comfortable in my own home. I asked him to open windows. We’ve been going back and forth for over a week now. Every time I turn up the thermostat, he turns it back down. Yesterday, things escalated.
I walked into the living room to find that HE’D PUT A DIGITAL LOCK ON THE THERMOSTAT. I couldn’t believe he’d gone that far without even talking to me first. When I confronted him, we got into a huge fight. I told him he was being selfish and controlling, and that I’m tired of being cold all the time. He shot back that I just need to s**k it up.
Then he said something I can’t get out of my head. He told me, “Fat bodies are supposed to keep warm better, so why are YOU always complaining about the cold?” I felt my heart break. He chooses to attack self esteem where it would hurt the most, even though he knows how conscious I am of my weight.
FYI I had our daughter just a few months ago and haven’t really bounced back. I was never really modelesque but was okay looking. I feel huge because I am huge. I have confided in him and he has always reassured me and comforted me, only to turn it back on me and be extra cruel. It was honestly so unnecessarily cruel.
I was so hurt over his comment I asked him why did he say something like that to his wife. But I wasn’t prepared for what he said next. “You’d be a lot easier to swallow if you were at least physically attractive. But when you’re u**y inside and outside, I don’t even want to be gentle with you.
Feel free to take this personally” I think he crossed a major line with that comment, but was I being too sensitive? I’ve been crying thinking about this, I feel devastated.
Here’s what the community had to contribute:
nopingmywayout − Yeah, there’s no coming back from this. Holy s**t.
OkNewspaper7432 − You can’t possibly imagine that anybody is going to advise you to continue with this relationship. If my grown son spoke to his wife like that, I would not be speaking to him for a while holy s**t
perthguy999 − I mean, how can you think you are being too sensitive when he told you that hurting you was the goal?!
huminous − I was initially having some sympathy with him having to WFH in a too warm house, I was going to say you really need to find a compromise, but that last comment completely flipped my opinion. Basically he told you you were u**y inside and out, and to know it was intended as a very personal insult.
That is not a person who loves you OP. Please, please know that when you said he crossed a major line, you were right. Consider if this is a marriage you want to continue. It’s hard to say how you can have a genuine relationship with someone who thinks of you that way and is fine with devastating you.
Opposite-Exam-7435 − 75 is really really warm for average, ya’ll should have compromised somewhere in the middle a while ago but what he said was unforgivable. I wouldn’t ever be able to let him touch me again if i were you.
Visual_Composer_9336 − Why would you want to have a relationship with someone who would talk to you like this after you had a child with them?
TimeShareOnMars − Yup..I was like “I’m a big guy who is usually hot. I’d much prefer a lower temp on my heat and air settings (but keep them where my wife wants them, so that should show you a difference already)… But then I read what he said and thought “some one getting stabbed tonight!!”
He would never get a milligram of kindness from me ever again if I were his partner. I’d be at the divorce attorney’s office the next day. No cooking. No cleaning. No kind words… no shopping for him… I would forward to every family member and friend a direct quote of what he said.
[Reddit User] − Truly hope this is rage bait
quish − The way your husband spoke to you is not ok. I would not stay married to someone who spoke to me in that way. Obviously, as others have said, there seem to be issues with communication and a compromise is needed but the way he reacted in that moment is disgusting and unacceptable.
cressidacole − 75 is ridiculous, but the level of targeted vitriol in his comment can’t simply be because you want to live in a hot house.. What else is going?. Edit: Going on?
Do you think the husband’s remarks were an unforgivable crossing of boundaries, or can such comments be resolved through communication and counseling? How would you handle such an emotionally charged situation in your relationship? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!