How long is too long to expect your partner to hold off on intimacy? 27F 25M

A woman (age undisclosed) recently lost her father the day before her baby was born, and due to the timing, she couldn’t attend his funeral. As she navigates both grieving and caring for a newborn, her partner has been persistently asking for intimacy.

Despite her emotional and physical exhaustion, she feels pressured to be intimate but struggles with guilt as she doesn’t feel ready. She’s wondering if her lack of desire for intimacy is concerning and if it’s reasonable for her to not be interested given the challenges she’s facing.

‘ How long is too long to expect your partner to hold off on intimacy? 27F 25M’

The day before she was born, my father passed away. Due to how far along I was, we weren’t able to attend the funeral. The doctor advised against traveling, and my family lives hundreds of miles away, so I couldn’t be there.

Since we’ve reached the six-week mark, my partner has been asking for intimacy. Between grieving my father and caring for a newborn, I haven’t felt ready for any kind of physical connection. We’ve only been intimate once since the baby was born, and it was uncomfortable. Right now, I’m not interested in being intimate at all.

From morning to night, it feels like he’s constantly trying to initiate intimacy. He’ll make comments like, “Couldn’t you at least give me or*l attention?” But if I’m not in the mood, I feel like I shouldn’t have to.

How long is it reasonable for a partner to go without intimacy? Should I be concerned that I have no desire for s*x? I’ve always thought this was normal, given the emotional and physical challenges I’m facing right now. But I’m starting to feel guilty because I can tell it bothers him that I’m not interested.

Often, after I decline, he’ll either go quiet or leave the room, which makes me feel worse. I’ve tried explaining that I just don’t feel like it, but I’m starting to feel like a bad partner. I don’t feel like I should be pressured into intimacy when I’m not ready for it.

See what others had to share with OP:

No-Tie4522 −  The reasonable amount of time is however long it takes for you to feel comfortable having s** again. Try explaining to him how you feel and why you don’t want to have s** if he doesn’t accept it then you know exactly what type of person he really is.

rapt2right −  He’s being an insensitive and deeply selfish j**k. I cared for my dying mother during her last few months and then pretty much fell apart after she passed….all told, it was about 7 months where the only form of intimacy I could even think about was spooning and even then,

I had to be the “big spoon” because I couldn’t even let myself be held without feeling claustrophobic and panicky or falling into a hysterical crying fit. My husband, bless his heart, never once complained. He was just sad that he couldn’t fix it for me.

S** was mostly off the table for him when his dad took ill and for a while after his d**th. When I had an itch that wouldn’t go away, I knew perfectly well how manage my own needs while he healed.

Fishghoulriot −  Yikes. You lost your father and just pushed a baby out. He can use a cock sleeve. What an insensitive f**k

WithLove_Always −  Honestly, I would’ve yelled at him for being THAT insensitive. I didnt have s** for like 4-5 months. I’m allowed to heal and feel like a human again.

trilliumsummer −  6 weeks is the minimum. That’s just the point where your huge gaping internal wound (where the placenta attached) is healed enough that you won’t be bleeding, risk reopening it, or risk things entering right through the wound.  By no means are you fully healed at 6 weeks from child birth and pregnancy.

It clearly bothers him that you don’t want to have s**? Well it should clearly bother you that you have a freaking newborn and all he can think about is s** and what you can do for him. You just had a baby for him! 9 months of pregnancy and then child birth! He should be thinking what he can do for you.

Clearly this man isn’t caring for his newborn enough if he has time and energy to ask so much and then go pout. Sounds like he needs to do more solo care of his baby. 

Sultan_Slayer −  Ask him if he would want to be intimate after losing his father and a rubber egg being squeezed through his penis and buy him a flashlight or something 😊

Piilootus −  You don’t owe him s**, he doesn’t need s** to stay alive. You’re grieving and gave birth less than two months ago. Just because the doctor said you CAN have s** doesn’t mean you NEED TO. Your partner should be refocusing his energy into his new child and caring for his partner who recently lost her parent. What he’s doing is not okay.

[Reddit User] −  There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You don’t need a doctor, you need a partner who loves you rather than treats you as a malfunctioning s** machine.

Inside-Particular-63 −  Dude knows he can use his hands, right?

EarthBelcher −  You suffered a major loss *and* gave birth. Your husband needs to grow the f**k up and be a better person.

How would you approach a situation where emotional and physical exhaustion from grief and parenthood affects intimacy in a relationship? Do you think it’s fair to ask for patience, or should there be more communication between partners in these circumstances? Share your thoughts below!