How do I[33M] handle losing myself in my relationship [34F]? It’s great but I’m not fulfilled

A man (33M) finds himself struggling to stay fulfilled in a relationship with his partner (34F), despite deeply caring for her and her 4-year-old son, whom he’s helping to raise. While their bond is strong, he’s grappling with the loss of personal identity, solitude, and the passions that once gave his life purpose

Feeling trapped in a routine that leaves little room for individuality, he questions whether staying is the right decision. Read his story below.

‘ How do I[33M] handle losing myself in my relationship [34F]? It’s great but I’m not fulfilled ‘

My partner and I have been together for 2.5 years, cohabitating for 1.5 years. She has a 4 year old son and we’re raising him together, as his father unexpectedly passed away recently. There have been ups and downs, as parenting is incredibly difficult and exhausting, but I love them dearly.

My only problem is I’m not sure that I’m fulfilled in my relationship, and I don’t know if I can see myself being in it **for the rest of my life**. Like just the thought of not having alone time, solitude, silence, being by myself or sleeping alone anymore just sounds horrifying honestly.

Being alone is so fundamental to who I am and not having it has kind of driven me a little crazy. I feel like every moment of my life is planned out- I know when I’m waking up, going to work, coming home, making and eating dinner, then there’s bath and bed time for the little one, and bed time for ourselves… and that’s it.

And my job is not fulfilling in the slightest. And the weekends is cleaning and errands and maybe an event to go to, but honestly
I don’t know that I enjoy being home with them- like I just need to be away from them and do my own thing but my partner wants family time.

And this just focuses on recharging my battery. Not to mention my hobbies and passions. Prior to our relationship I was training to compete in a sport on a national level. Granted I got sick and haven’t been able to train since, but even if I felt better I don’t have the time to do it.

And I used to play music. With Grammy award winning musicians. I was good. I haven’t picked up my instrument in years. It’s like there’s no reason to live, honestly. This is just not enough for me, but I don’t know what to do.

I feel compelled to stay together for her son, and I’m doing my best to be happy and positive but I think it’s really a facade over top of my true feelings. I do know if I could I would go back and undo this relationship.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Ace786ace −  First you need to talk about it with your partner. As long as she’s a good partner and everything else is fine I would look to talk to her about sometimes needing alone time to go and do your own thing or charge your battery.

Talking about it and seeing if you guys can come up with a plan or something that gives you both free time to do what you want would be good.

However, if you’re not happy in the relationship and want to be single irrespective of having the free time then you need to be honest with her. It’s gonna s**k cause it’s never easy telling your partner it’s not gonna work but she deserves to know the truth and be happy just as you do.

GoodHeart01 −  Parenting is not for everyone.

sweadle −  You never wanted to have kids and didn’t date women who had kids but made an exception for her. That wasn’t a risk you were taking it was a risk that she and her son had to suffer the consequences of.

You were selfish and now you’re seeing the consequences. You need to leave sooner rather than later for the sake of the kid. Don’t date people wirh kids again. Get a vasectomy. Probably don’t date seriously or towards marriage again. It sounds like your happiness is linked to being single.

ZeroWhiplash −  It sounds like you got into parenthood unexpectedly, is that true? Because these sound more like parenting issues than relationship ones. No hobbies, no time for yourself, all that stuff tends to get put on pause with young kids.

Kids are young temporarily, so you will eventually have more time again for yourself, but that can be a long time off. That being said, something has got to give.

You could end the whole relationship, sure, but you might also want to look into changing your job into something more fulfilling, or talking to your partner and carving out more time for yourself. Depending on your financial status, hiring a cleaner might be worth it, just in terms of time saved.

Secret-Employ1733 −  things will be rocky sometimes but don’t hold it in. definitely talk to your partner.. I’m sure there’s things she would like to enjoy too… is there any family you both trust to help take the kid for a few hours every so often? no reason to stay unhappy . it will take a toll on you and worse things could transpire from built-in misery.

anyway you both can plan ahead to get some things done so it won’t be in the way later? plan a family day or something.. regain control of your happiness. have that mustard seed of faith things will get better before you know it and it’ll get there. I hope you both have a better time after the discussion.

If things are too much, please don’t just leave high and dry let her know that you need space.. I hope it doesn’t come to that since there’s so much love there still. But to me this sounds like there could be some saving things. Best wishes to you both friend.

Balancing love, personal fulfillment, and responsibility can be incredibly challenging. How would you navigate such a crossroads in life? Should he stay for the family he loves or seek to reclaim his individuality? Share your insights below!