How Do I (M18) Ask My Girlfriend (F18) to Be More Affectionate?

An 18-year-old man seeks advice on how to ask his girlfriend, also 18, to be more affectionate. While their year-long relationship is strong, he feels a lack of physical and verbal affection from her, which contrasts with his own expressive love language.

He doesn’t want to appear needy or critical but feels more affection would enhance their bond. He’s unsure how to communicate this without making her uncomfortable. read the original story below…

‘ How Do I (M18) Ask My Girlfriend (F18) to Be More Affectionate?’

My girlfriend (F18) and I (M18) have been together for about a year, and I genuinely love her. She’s an amazing person, and our relationship is solid overall. But there’s one thing that’s been on my mind lately—I wish she were more affectionate.

It’s not that she doesn’t care about me; I know she does in her own way. But she’s never been the type to give compliments, initiate hugs, hold hands, or even tell me how much I mean to her. Meanwhile, I’m always showering her with compliments, affection, and words of affirmation because that’s how I express love.

I want to emphasize that this isn’t about keeping score or expecting her to mirror my exact behavior. I just feel like I’d be happier and more secure in our relationship if she expressed her feelings more openly and physically. It’s hard because I don’t want to come across as needy or make her feel like she’s doing something wrong.

Our relationship is great otherwise, and I do believe we both love each other deeply. I just don’t know how to bring this up without making it awkward or risking her feeling criticized.

So, how do I approach this? How can I let her know that I’d love more affection in our relationship while still being mindful of her comfort level and personality?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

CafeteriaMonitor −  “I really like holding hands and hugging you and stuff, but I noticed that you don’t really tend to initiate physical affection like that, and it’s usually me who has to start it.

It would make me feel really great if you initiated physical affection more often, and it would be nice to hear some compliments once in a while.” If she is open to it, you should see an improvement. If there is no change, then maybe this is not the sort of relationship you want to be in.

laserox −  “I would appreciate receiving more affection in the forms of ______, ______ and/or _____. Is this something you’d be okay with?” One common mistake a lot of people make is that they are trying to be more affectionate when they want more affection.

It’s unreasonable to simply expect your partner to match whatever you are doing. Instead, just talk openly about what you want and need. Don’t tell them how they feel, don’t tell them what to do. Just explain what you need to feel happy and fulfilled.

After that it is up to you both to find a common ground or decide if you’re incompatible. Everyone has different ideas about the right amount of physical affection. So don’t assume, discuss how you both feel about expressing physical affection and compliments etc.

Previous-Special-716 −  Honestly my brother… I tried dating a girl like this. I don’t think it’s going to work out for you. Unless something extraordinarily bad happened to her in childhood or something, girls will very much let you know physically and verbally that they like you a lot.

Especially if it’s been a freaking year. Like especially now our generation has weird bonding issues and sometimes it’s hard to be intimate with each other, but this just sounds like a problem and/or she doesn’t know what she wants. (I’m 23).

SignificanceNo5081 −  The first thing I’d suggest is to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. People express love and affection in different ways, and she might not realize that you’re craving more physical or verbal affection.

When you talk to her, try framing it in a way that focuses on *your* feelings, not what she’s doing wrong. For example, you could say something like, “I’ve been feeling like I need a little more affection in our relationship like more hugs or compliments.

I really enjoy when you do those things, and it makes me feel closer to you. I want to make sure we’re both feeling loved in the way we need.” This way, you’re opening up about your needs without making her feel like she’s doing something wrong.

It’s also a good idea to ask her about how she shows affection and whether there’s a way you can meet in the middle. Maybe she has different love languages and talking about it might help you both understand each other better. It’s all about finding a balance, and as long as you’re patient and open with each other, I’m sure you can figure it out together 🙂

Turbulent-Ease-1126 −  She may have a heart wall of trapped emotions holding her back!

lordofunivers −  What about the intimate moment in the bedroom? You can discust it with her but expect it return like it was before after a few days/weeks. If it does, it will not improve and you force someone. You can decide if it is a deal breaker since it bother you

Effective communication is key to any healthy relationship. Sharing your feelings openly and kindly, while respecting her comfort level, can lead to mutual understanding. How would you approach this situation? Share your thoughts below!