How do I (31f) tell my close friend (35f) that her “adult only” parties are offending people?

A Redditor shared their frustration with a close friend who repeatedly hosts “adults-only” parties that unexpectedly revolve around her children. Despite the invitation’s promise of an adult evening, guests find themselves entertaining her kids, leaving many feeling disrespected, especially after hiring babysitters.

The Redditor is now wondering how to address the situation without upsetting their friend or seeming dismissive of her children. Read the original story below.

‘ How do I (31f) tell my close friend (35f) that her “adult only” parties are offending people? ‘

First of all I would love a REAL adult only party where adults can talk and have conversations without kids interfering. She ain’t doing that. She is having a whole party for everyone to focus on HER kids only. I need to know how to address this with her. This happened 2 times so far.

The first time, we pretty much all assumed that she had to have planned for childcare that must have backed out or something, but since we weren’t sure, we didn’t ask her. I think everyone felt awkward believing they were paying babysitters for an adult night and then having to have her kids at the dinner table,

and them very actively part of the evening needing to be entertained (2 young kids). Then, it happened again. She sent out events for a dinner party in the evening with adults only on the invitation. Then, when we got there, she had set up all these kids games everywhere.

She arranged the night around everyone kind of playing with her kids and I could tell everyone felt awkward because people just wanted to have an adult night talking, but she had promised the kids that everyone would participate in the games they had set up and asked everyone if they wouldn’t mind playing with the kids.

I know that several people who attended the last event were very bothered by having to do this. People were whispering on the side about how they had to pay a babysitter for the night and would have rathered bring their kid along and the kids could have just played games together if it’s a family event.

We barely ever pay a sitter, so I was kind of confused about why I had to spend my very limited babysitter funds on a night that I didn’t even get to talk much with other adults because the kids were for sure the center of the evening.

She even stopped everyone to gather around to look at the kids recent art projects and tell stories and sing.. Is this normal in other circles? What would you do if this was your friend? If I do say something, how would you explain this so that the person isn’t mad or feels like you just don’t like their kid?

She was mad because everyone left early and she had catered the event but I think people didn’t want to stay and preferred to just go back to their kids because they felt a little disrespected by the way things went. People are saying they don’t want to hang out with her anymore. Idk what to do.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

blippity-blah-dah −  Absolutely not normal. This isn’t an adult only party, this a group babysitting gig where everyone paid for their own babysitter fees and she gets it for free. There’s no way she doesn’t know what she’s doing unless she’s really that deluded

DarwinRuthord −  Just tell her you’ll bring the kids next time to play with her kids. See her response. If she responds with “but it’s an adults party” then just call it out that it isn’t with her kids there and wanting everyone to play with her kids. If she accepts it, then tell her to not call it an adults party next time.

princessofperky −  And no one straight up said hey I thought this was adults only? One of you needs to just ask

CatScratchEther −  I read your comments about being worried to offend her, so why not flip the script? “Hey, my feelings are hurt after the second party that my children were not invited to. I know you said adults only but since your kids were there both times, why not mine?

I got a sitter but meanwhile our kids would’ve loved to play games together, sing, and exchange phone numbers. It felt patronizing to fill the role of peer for your kids. Especially when my kids could’ve been there and I don’t understand why they werent invited to play. So, is there an explanation for why my kids are excluded from your parties?”

gringaellie −  This is delulu. Why would anyone want to go to an adult only night to play games with the hosts young children?

pl487 −  Doesn’t she already know? People left early enough to make her mad. That’s pretty much the universal signal that the guests aren’t happy. She can throw whatever kind of parties she likes. People are free to attend or not attend as they please. No need for anyone to be offended, at least not more than once.

juniperberrie28 −  What the f#ck

NoxWild −  That’s extremely bizarre. How uncomfortable for everyone, probably including her kids who probably sensed how weird it was. Is there anything wrong with her thinking processes in other matters? Does she have a spouse/partner?

Do you think she honestly believes her children are so fascinating and captivating, that a group of adults would enjoy playing kiddie games with them at an evening “adults-only” party?

[Reddit User] −  Just stop going to her parties. Hold parties at your place or someone else’s house. No, it’s not normal. Why hasn’t anyone else called her out? I’d call that person out immediately. 

Jen5872 −  All you have to do is not accept anymore invitations. “Sorry, I have a prior engagement that evening.”

How would you handle this situation if a close friend blurred the lines between adult-only events and family-focused gatherings? Would you confront the friend about the miscommunication, or let it slide to avoid conflict? Share your thoughts and experiences below!