How do I (30F) set boundaries in response to my husband’s (35M) restrictions on me?

A 30-year-old woman is struggling with the aftermath of cheating on her husband 10 months ago during a difficult period in their marriage. After confessing, her husband imposed strict terms, including isolating her and having her repeat a degrading message daily.

While she understands his need for time to heal, the woman is struggling with the ongoing emotional toll and wants to set boundaries to protect her mental health without further harming their relationship.

‘ How do I (30F) set boundaries in response to my husband’s (35M) restrictions on me? ?’

I (30F) cheated on my husband (35M) 10 months ago, during a rough period in our marriage. He was unsupportive of my master’s program and made me give up my cat, which built up resentment. I lacked the tools to handle my feelings and ended up cheating with a coworker.

Afterward, I immediately realized it was a mistake and confessed to my husband. His anger was overwhelming, but I felt guilty for not addressing the issues before cheating. For months, I accepted his terms for me: I became a stay-at-home mom, couldn’t go out alone, and had to FaceTime him every 30 minutes when I did.

He even made me record a daily alarm message saying: “I am a horrible person who deserves no respect,” which I hear every morning. This is severely affecting my mental health, but he insists it’s a “punishment” for the affair.

He refuses counseling because he doesn’t want a therapist to lessen the consequences. While I understand he needs time to heal, I can’t handle the alarm for another 2.5 years. How do I set boundaries and communicate my needs without further damaging our relationship? This is hurting me, and I don’t know what to do.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Chehairazode −  He hasn’t forgiven you, he’s punishing you. The marriage is over. Leave..

AppropriateAd1677 −  Oh for the love of God. Is anybody actually happy in this relationship? Leave and move on.

A2ronMS24 −  See normally my thought in this is you live by the terms of the partner who’s trust you need to regain. But almost none of this is productive toward that goal. The alarm is stupid and punitive. It doesn’t serve a purpose. These aren’t rules designed to make your husband feel safe and secure again. They’re just punishment with no end goal. I don’t think he wants a healthy marriage, he just wants to make your life s**k.

No_Magician_6457 −  The price of cheating is not being abused OP. Leave and divorce this man. The relationship ended when you decided to cheat. He’s never going to forgive you and you seem to lack the self-respect to notice that he’s abusing you

thriftydelegate −  Divorce is the best option for you, is there any way you can get your cat back?

AdDramatic8568 −  While what you did was bad, your husband sounds a**sive. If he’s not willing to take actual, reasonable steps to heal your relationship then you need to get a divorce.

Never, under any circumstances, trust a partner that never wants you to leave the house, or be with other people without him present. That’s abuse. Your cheating has just given him an excuse to be the person he’s always wanted to be without consequences.

shanghai-blonde −  DIVORCE NOW. The alarm thing makes me physically sick.

Good-Internet-7500 −  Wasn’t there a very similar story but from the husband perspective? Same facetime every 30 min?

Saigon2391 −  This relationship is a lost cause. Divorce and move on. You guys both deserve better.

How would you approach setting boundaries in a situation like this, where both partners are hurting? Is it possible to rebuild trust while protecting your own well-being? Share your thoughts on how to navigate healing and balance in relationships.