How do I (23M) approach my girlfriend (21F) of 3 years about what I heard?

A 23-year-old man is struggling with a painful revelation after overhearing his girlfriend of three years speaking to a friend about their relationship. In the conversation, she expressed dissatisfaction, mentioning her attraction to a coworker and how she views him as a convenience, not someone she is deeply in love with.

She also shared unflattering opinions about his habits and doubts about their future together. The user is heartbroken and unsure how to confront his girlfriend, torn between confronting her or ending the relationship.

‘ How do I (23M) approach my girlfriend (21F) of 3 years about what I heard?’

Hi, I overheard my girlfriend talking with her friend (F) about me, so I stopped and listened. I shouldn’t have, but I did. The things I heard broke my heart. My gf mentioned a coworked she has never mentioned to me before, saying how he is insanely attractive and how she would f**k him even in a bathroom at work.

Then she talked about getting a drivers license so she won’t be so dependent on me. She said that she’s with me because it’s convenient. She mentioned how she doesn’t think she will be able to love just one man her whole life and that she probably can find “something better”.

She then extensively talked about all my “icks”, like how I eat and so on. I am so torn apart, because I envisioned a life together with this girl. We planned a life together. Where we’ll work, live, how many kids we’ll have and so on. We’ve been together for almost 3 years now and she has always been so sweet.

Even today, we cuddled, she climbed on top of me and embraced me. And then she turned around and said all of that. I literally cannot make sense of it. On one hand I feel like I have to break up with her now, but this life I imagined has been ripped away from me in literally the last 20 minutes.

I still hope it’s a nightmare or something. How do I approach this situation????

These are the responses from Reddit users:

How-u-doingg −  People are weird OP, you never know their true intentions, my girl cried to me about the way her ex dumped her horribly some years ago. And she literally ended things with me in the same manner, much worse though, literally a day after she said not to give up on us in the most vulnerable emotional state.

So, chin up, process it and believe that the fault is not yours.. Also, please d**p her!

MckittenMan −  She is two faced. You know what she really thinks about you behind your back. She said a lot of hurtful things about you as a person. The comment about the co-worker would have been enough for me to end a relationship. You should break up with her and don’t buy into the crocodile tears.

She probably is going cry like they always do, crying because they got caught. I didn’t mean it. I am sorry! blah blah blah… Don’t fall for it. I would leave with my head held high knowing that I deserve someone who actually respects and cares for me.

wackotheinsane −  Just break up with her now. Don’t give her the opportunity to explain or apologize. She’s not the person you thought she was and you will never truly be able to trust her again. Just focus with all your resolve on moving forward and do not look back.

It will s**k, but whether or not you feel this way at the moment, you are young and have PLENTY of time to grow and find someone you CAN trust. I’m so sorry you’re going through this – protect yourself and be kind to yourself – it’s not at all your fault. Good luck.

SkepticMaster −  Love can’t survive contempt. If she has all these “icks” with you, then she’s just with you out of convenience. She WILL leave once something “better” comes along. Have some pride and self respect. Kick her out, and find someone who appreciates you. If she says she didn’t mean it, just know she’s lying.

RobsonSweets −  Tell her you heard the conversation she had with her friend, you didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but it was necessary when you heard what she was saying. Tell her you have no wish to be in a relationship with someone who talks like that about the person they are *choosing* to date and she has 30 days to find somewhere to live and move out.

Until then, she will be sleeping on the sofa (or spare bed if you have one) because this relationship is over. Don’t stay with someone who has openly said they’re using you. As much as you love her, she doesn’t actually like you.

Specialist-Host-4707 −  You approach it by telling her what you overheard, that you can no longer see her the way you did in the past, and you need to each gather your belongings and end things. Naturally, she’ll never admit to what she told her friend and you can’t un hear what you heard so it’s over at any rate.

Understand these are the words of a silly and immature girl that is an out for or into anyone but herself. It’s really not you, it is her so walk away, regroup, and try again with someone else.

AdIll8377 −  You are being played.. You now know her true feelings.. Send her off.

living_ghost358 −  At this point brother you ditch her. Vanish and become a ghost. If that’s how she really feels she can get with the co worker and see how life gets when it’s no longer your need to care for her. Block her and leave no trace.

you deserve a woman who boasts about you to others like “he got me this little charm and it’s so adorable!” Or “he drives me all over and I’m gonna try to get my license. I’ve been watching him and how he drives so I can be better.” Not “Oh he’s just my taxi driver and I force myself to do x with him” Drop her like the hot trash she is and focus on yourself.

Miso-7 −  She’ll stay with you until she meets someone she finds more convenient. Maybe it’s the coworker, maybe someone else. All I know, is the relationship is over and she’s not making it official because she’s dependent on you. Confront her about it. Tell her you overheard her talking s**ually about her coworker, how she’s with you because it’s convenient, and she doesn’t think she can only love one man.

Tell her that these aren’t the qualities you’re looking for in a partner and you were hurt hearing these things she said about you. You deserve better and the relationship is over. Don’t you dare wait for her to leave you. Keep your dignity and end it with your head held high knowing you did the right thing.

perdosenior −  You know exactly what you have to do. It won’t be easy, but I hope you’ll muster the strength required to do it. All the best!