How do I (23F) deal with feeling like I’m more of a mom than a partner to my boyfriend (23M)?

A young woman feels trapped in a dynamic with her boyfriend where she feels more like his mother than his partner. His habits and lack of initiative frustrate her, leaving her feeling drained and unappreciated.

Despite almost breaking up, the couple has opted to try couples therapy to address these issues. She loves him deeply but struggles with the imbalance in their relationship. Read the full context below to understand her dilemma.

‘ How do I (23F) deal with feeling like I’m more of a mom than a partner to my boyfriend (23M)?’

Everything my boyfriend does lately just annoys me, and I find myself cringing so often. Even small things, like the way he cashes out at the grocery store, feel awkward and frustrating. It’s like he doesn’t understand what to do or pick up on social cues, and that gives me so much stress.

We don’t think the same way, especially when we’re driving. I know I sound like a backseat driver, but I can’t help it—his decisions frustrate me so much. He complicates things unnecessarily because it makes sense to him, and I end up feeling o**rwhelmed and impatient, almost like I’m dealing with a child.

What makes it worse is that I feel like I’m constantly reminding him to do things, sometimes over and over again, because he’s too distracted on his phone playing games. I have to get upset before he finally does what I asked, and then he says, “I was going to do it.” It’s exhausting.

I feel more like his mother than his partner, and it’s making me love him less. I still care about him deeply, and I know I love him—but I’m so tired of being the one who’s always responsible. I can’t even ask him to buy me something without feeling guilty because he constantly talks about saving money or complains about spending.

It’s left me feeling drained and depressed because all I want is to feel loved and cared for—for someone to take the weight off my shoulders for once.
We’ve decided to start couples therapy because I almost broke up with him last week for these exact reasons.

I know I should leave, but I can’t seem to stay away from him. I love him too much, even though I feel like I’m losing myself in the process. I don’t know what to do..

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Verity41 −  Just find a new one. You’re way too young to have to deal with that crap! Return to sender. ETA – thanks for the award u/littleoldlady71 🩶we gotta look out for these kiddos amirite! Solidarity 💁🏻‍♀️✊🏼

mikegt_98 −  You.. date someone that doesn’t need this. There’s like four billion males on the planet.

lit-lln −  You are both still young. The thing that people don’t say often out loud is that love isn’t enough. A good relationship also requires respect, trust, and mutual understanding. It sounds like you aren’t on the same page about your expectations and needs/wants.

Unfortunately just saying this out loud often doesn’t fix it. You can hold on for hope that he will change into what you want (knowing that from his side he may end up loosing himself in the way you mentioned) and you can try to make it work but you run the risk of ending up resenting each other and hating him in the end.

If you have found your lives don’t line up it’s perfectly ok to end it knowing that even though you love each other it just isn’t working. I hope you can figure things out. Good luck

flirtydeviant −  Couples therapy . Jesus christ. Just end it

mimic-man77 −  Love alone can’t save a relationship. I’m not saying you should break up with him because I don’t see specific info other than you not feeling like you’re taken care of, but staying because you love someone is a bad idea.

Many people who are bad for each other love each, and they’d be better off with someone else. PS: You’re in couples therapy so maybe that will help you two understand each other. Let therapist handle this. Hopefully they’re better at giving advice than most of the people on Reddit.

bippityboppitynope −  You end it because you aren’t compatible.

Negative-Sea-8745 −  This sounds like something that’s rooted in him, and what someone said up there, he also doesn’t deserve to be with someone that cringes at him for doing everyday things

leelee90210 −  I guess you deal with by continuing to be his second mum. Then you can lose yourself. Tons of women do it so you won’t be alone waking up in 20 years and wondering where all the time has gone

invictus21083 −  He’s not going to change.

revenya_1 −  OP the moment you start cringing is the  moment you leave, it leads to resentment and hate.  And by the way you don’t love him, you love the idea of him, the fallacy of true love that you meet and were meant to be coz if you are cringing  you are over it.