He learned the grass isn’t greener….now what? (35f dating 40m)?

A Reddit user shares their struggle after reconciling with their boyfriend following a brief breakup. During their 11-day separation, he hooked up with a neighbor the user knows and even took her on a trip with his family.

While he claims to be fully committed now, the user feels betrayed and uneasy about continuing the relationship, especially with the neighbor living nearby. Read the full story below and share your advice on rebuilding trust or deciding when to move on.

‘ He learned the grass isn’t greener….now what? (35f dating 40m)?’

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue. It was a “I can’t do this right now but it might work in the future” reason and was a break up, not a break, but we agreed the door wasn’t closed.

7 days later I reached out and asked if he wanted to join me at tennis, which he quickly agreed to, even asking me to get a drink after, where he said we should start hanging out again. A few days later, we officially got back together, so we were *broken up for total of 11 days.*

Since then, I’ve learned that during those 11 days, he hooked up with his neighbor and even took her on a weekend trip with his family. The worst part is that she and I have a casual relationship, so I know her. We’ve all hung out together and it’s a very social neighborhood so I’m going to see her a lot.

He came right back to me and says he’s all in on me/us but while he \*technically\* didn’t cheat, he had an emotional and physical connection with someone else. I’ve always been so secure with this relationship and he’s never given me a reason to not trust him, but now I can’t trust when he’s home alone since she lives downstairs.

I’m so grossed out and never want to go to his place again because of it. We were at the point where marriage was in the near future, so it feels like he had to get something out of his system or see if the grass is greener elsewhere, so I mean….I get it….but I’m really struggling with this. Any advice?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

dllimport −  He broke up with you to try getting with her. So that connection started before you broke up. I would honestly not want to spend my life with someone who left me because he wanted to try getting with the neighbor he has a crush on. Sure he says he’s all in now but he said that before and he changed his mind. I think you deserve someone better.

Perfect_Delivery_509 −  Broke up with and immediatley had s** with his neighbor… and you want to marry that? Girl, come sit, we need to talk about the dating bar and how to lift it higher, you sleep with clowns dont be surprised when your life becomes a circus.

LighthouseonSaturn −  Yeah, you got it right on the nose. He thinks he found a loophole, where got to have fun with the girl he was interested and ‘get it out of his system’, while it not technically being cheating.

**It might not have been physical cheating, but it was emotional manipulation at best. At worst, it’s most likely emotional cheating to begin with, as he was able to get her to go away with him right away.**

He purposely had a talk with you were he said that he wanted to ‘leave the door open.’ He knew it would give him a chance to have a nice getaway with this other girl, while you were mourning the relationship and he knew you wouldn’t be in the headspace to date anyone else right away. He set it up perfectly for himself.

Also, for him to have convinced this other woman to go away with him for the weekend, means they had been talking and flirting beforehand most likely. So yeah, he probably WAS emotionally cheating on you before the break up.

If I were you, I would break up with him. He manipulated you so he could get a free pass. Not only did he manipulate you, God knows what he said to this other women and then up and dumped her after using her for s**.

He is icky and gross. He tried to have everything, and thinks he can get away with it because you guys were ‘broken up.’ plus, the fact that he introduced her to his family??? This is just gross all around. Of course you feel bad about it. He emotionally manipulated everyone in this situation.

tenebrasocculta −  It was a “I can’t do this right now but it might work in the future” reason and was a break up, not a break, but we agreed the door wasn’t closed. In other words, he wanted to shoot his shot with this other woman without losing the safety net of his relationship with you.

The fact that he gamed out how he could have his cake and eat it too implies that he had already taken an inappropriate interest in her while still in a supposedly monogamous, committed relationship with you.

I think you’d be badly disrespecting yourself by taking him back, and also sending him the message that you’ll tolerate infidelity as long as he finds a technicality that lets him call it something else.

TroublesomeTurnip −  Have some self respect, don’t stay with him. He’s a scrub.

DMmeNiceTitties −  You can do so much better.

Artneedsmorefloof −  Are you sure there is no ongoing relationship with the neighbour? A weekend trip seems a bit more intimate than a one and done h**kup. How did you find out about the neighbour?. Slow it down.

Seriously, slow it down. Make him get an STD check, you get an STD check. While you are waiting to make sure you are clean. You need to do some thinking whether or not you can get past the neighbour. Some people could, some people could not, neither way is wrong nor right but if you can’t get past it, you need to end the relationship.

scarydinocat −  He’s 40 and pulling that crap? I think you know what you need to do here..

OkLocksmith2064 −  \- We are at the point where marriage is in the near future … Sorry, what? You don’t marry him. Period. If there’s any dignity left in you, you don’t go to his family. Are you aware how they see you now??? You’re the rebound girl, the one he is settling for. What if next time he has a new co-worker? Girl, don’t do this to yourself, have some self respect.

StormMysterious3851 −  I don’t think this is a “he learned the grass isnt greener” situation, I think this is very much a, “he wants the other chick but she doesn’t want him so you’re the next best option” situation. If he just hooked up, that’s one thing. But weekend trips with the family is telling me, he has deeper feelings for her. Sorry girl but …..

Do you think the boyfriend’s actions during the breakup are a red flag for the future, or is it possible to move forward and rebuild trust after this situation? How would you handle being in a relationship where proximity to past mistakes causes lingering discomfort? Share your thoughts and advice in the comments below!