Got into a verbal argument with my (30F) SIL (38F), went to bed, woke up to her cutting my hair

After an argument with her sister-in-law during a visit, the situation took a shocking turn. While she was asleep in the guest room, her SIL cut her hair. When confronted, both her husband and brother-in-law brushed it off as “immature behavior,” leaving her feeling unheard and disrespected. Now, she’s unsure how to handle this breach of trust and her husband’s dismissive attitude.

‘ Got into a verbal argument with my (30F) SIL (38F), went to bed, woke up to her cutting my hair’

She has been my sister-in-law for a year and we have never gotten along. She has always been rude and condescending to me. My husband wanted to visit his sister the day (Monday), and I reluctantly agreed. I tried my best to be civil, but she kept picking fights. She eventually started a verbal disagreement about how my husband could have done better than me etc. I tried to keep my cool and ignore her, but she eventually started screaming and my husband had to tell her to calm down and intervene.

I ended up going to bed (their guest room) and my husband and her husband stayed downstairs watching TV while SIL did the dishes. I dozed off and was awoken a while later by someone touching my hair. I sleepily thought it was my husband and rolled around and saw SIL snipping my hair with scissors. I immediately pushed her away and she ran out of the room. I went downstairs and informed my husband and his brother and showed them the cut strand. They both said that SIL “is immature and not let her get on your nerves”.

I do not understand how they can be so passive and not think this is a big deal?!?!?! Am I overreacting? This is NOT normal behaviour for someone who is nearly 40 and I am so angry that she cut my hair while I was sleeping. I told my husband that I no longer want to visit her and he told me that I was acting like a d**ma queen and sinking to her level. What do I do?? TL;DR: Got into argument with SIL, woke up to her cutting my hair. Husband thinks I am being a d**ma queen.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

half_dozen_cats −  What. The. Ever loving. F**k?. Am I overreacting?. No. I told my husband that I no longer want to visit her and he told me that I was acting like a d**ma queen and sinking to her level. He’s an i**ot. What the hell kind of passive doormat lets a person get away with disrespecting their wife like that? I can’t even imagine the shades of red I would see if my sister did that to my wife. All the rage. Forget the wife thing but just basic personhood. Whats next is she going to sneak ex-lax in you food and you just need to get over it? I’d be in a f**king hotel by now.

[Reddit User] −  You SIL needs professional mental health help and your brother and husband are complete morons for enabling her behavior by telling you not to let her get on your nerves. Your husband is spineless and unsupportive and a total a**hole for calling you the d**ma queen.

pienoceros −  Your husband is out of his f**king mind if he thinks you’re the one being a d**ma queen. What she did is technically a**ault and battery. Does it rise to the level of a reportable offense? Probably not, but it’s a pretty solid indicator that she’s not afraid to physically escalate a dispute.. Edit for the pedagogues.

[Reddit User] −  That might be considered a**ault and I’d call the cops. If your husband won’t stand up for you, I’d tell him marriage counseling is required if he wants to continue to be married.. And NEVER speak to SIL again.

PurplePlurple −  Your husband and her husband are certainly enabling her, if not completely ignoring a serious mental health issue. She has the power in those relationships. They won’t confront her about her behavioral issues, they instead tell the victim to not let it get on their nerves.

I know hair can be a materialistic thing, but I would just not feel that safe around this woman. What limits does her hysteria and lack of responsibility know? Cutting your hair, to me, is disconcerting. It is a personal attack – it is a form of violence, it’s serious s**t. I no longer want to visit her and he told me that I was acting like a d**ma queen

F**king, really? This might be a sign of just how much he does not want to confront the issue. Your concern *for your personal safety* is not being a f**king d**ma queen, it’s being a mindful god damned adult about the situations you find yourself in. You’re being completely reasonable.

If she’s not going to do anything about her behavior; and the two men who have some of the most potential to get her attention about it are resigned to do nothing, then it makes sense to remove yourself from it all. They won’t defend you, and your husband even invalidates you, you’re the only person looking out for you and I wouldn’t back down. I’d rather go through a divorce than be married to someone who’s, well, committed to enabling this much deficient mental health and behavior.

Hereibe −  Time to screencap all these comments, print them out, and shove them at him because he’s so used to her demented behavior that he can no longer tell when she’s being COMPLETELY INSANE.

If you do that, let me just take the time to say: Mr. “Husband”, this is not normal. This is not healthy. This is not something people do. And if you can’t see that, then your wife has EVERY reason to disengage herself from both your sister AND YOU. Because this is unhealthy and dangerous. And if you have, or want to have, children, what sort of message does this send that nearly **40 year old** Auntie is “normal” and “reasonable” for going after another women with scissors while she slept.

autumnx −  It’s a big deal. I think it’s more concerning that your husband thinks you’re the one being a d**ma queen when his middle aged sister decided to take it out on your hair. Be firm, explain how it’s not okay, and I’d highly suggest ignoring your SIL. It’s apparent that she’s not mature enough to handle any adult relationship.

[Reddit User] −  What if next time she takes the scissors to a different part of you? This is not the works of a stable person. I can see if she were a child. Not an adult. She needs help, and your husband needs to open his eyes and grow a pair, sorry to be blunt.

Ninjacherry −  I told my husband that I no longer want to visit her and he told me that I was acting like a d**ma queen and sinking to her level. This dismissive attitude is very likely an enormous contributor to this woman feeling like it’s OK for her to do whatever the hell she wants. No one bats an eye at her atrocious behavior, she’s getting away with no consequences.

You should refuse to be anywhere near her, as she might escalate the aggression and actually hurt you. No exceptions made, no christmas, no birthdays, nothing; if she is to be at a place, then you’re not going. If she shows up, you leave. Make it clear to your husband that you’ve had enough. Show him this thread, there will be plenty of people outlining exactly how harmful it is for him to be so dismissive of her action and how he should have your back. Good luck.

[Reddit User] −  That’s a**ault and you should call the cops. Your husband should be supporting you on this. He should also have your back when she starts on how he could do better than you, what the hell is that?