Got Drunk and Exposed My Boyfriend’s Friend’s Affair – How Do I Fix This Mess?

A Reddit user opened up about a drunken mistake that caused tension with their boyfriend and his circle of friends. During a gathering, the user revealed that one of the boyfriend’s long-time friends was unfaithful to his wife, a topic they had previously discussed in private.

The confession led to a fight between the friend and his wife, as well as friction in the user’s relationship. Now, they’re grappling with guilt, embarrassment, and trust issues, along with unresolved trauma about infidelity from a prior relationship. For the full story and details on how they’re working through this, read below.

‘ Got Drunk and Exposed My Boyfriend’s Friend’s Affair – How Do I Fix This Mess?’

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half, and he recently bought a ring but hasn’t proposed. I think that might now be out the window because this weekend I got very drunk, and – stupidly and carelessly – and I cannot believe I did this – said to the friend’s wife that the friend isn’t faithful to her.

Ugh.This man does cheat on his wife constantly, as does his other friend who was there with us that night (with his pregnant wife). I have a lot of issues surrounding all of this – and I’ve talked to my boyfriend about how much it bothers me a ton, and he has basically said that these are his long-term friends and their actions aren’t his responsibility or his fault.

I do really trust my boyfriend, and love him so much, but I have serious trauma about married men being unfaithful because my boyfriend prior to this was secretly married and it really messed me up. I’ve projected that resentment and anxiety onto his friends, and I’ve felt it inside but kept it in,

up until Saturday when I made the comment to his wife while wasted. It caused a fight between them, my boyfriend and I went home, and I texted the wife the next day to apologize (and also said that I was projecting things when I told her about the cheating – my boyfriend asked me to cover it up and I did,

because I wanted to try to somehow preserve the relationship between my boyfriend and I and not jeopardize the friend’s marriage – even though it gutted me to do so on a lot of levels). I know my feelings of anger about the cheating friends are valid, but it absolutely wasn’t my place to say anything.

I’m looking into therapy to handle my anger on infidelity, and I am considering seeking treatment for alcohol too, because I think I’ve been using that to cope with the painful feelings I still have that are leftover from my last relationship. But I’m freaking out because now I have created this giant mess – both for my boyfriend,

his friend, wife, and for the relationship between my boyfriend and I. I damaged his trust a ton, and I know look like a l**r and manipulator. I am reeling and incredibly embarrassed and sad and really looking for any advice people might have about how I should approach things with my boyfriend,

and if there is anything else that people could think I could try to do to make up for my mistake. Thank you in advance for any thoughts you might have. I’m really struggling and feel awful.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

potenttechnicality −  Your boyfriend has two close friends cheating on their wives. And he actively helps them conceal infidelity. This is not the mark of a trustworthy person. Sure, he may not be lying to you right now about this but you know he is in principle OK with lying to you.

Pretty_Writer2515 −  Your bf sucks, why would he cover for a c**ater, yeah you accidentally blab it out but you did the woman a huge favour

Routine-Blacksmith21 −  If your boyfriend sees no issue with his mates cheating and can look their partners in the eye with no remorse and then ask you to lie to cover up you telling the truth, he is not someone you should trust and isn’t the right person for you when you have such strong feelings against cheating. Likely your boyfriend has cheated in previous relationships to not have any care about it

Ok-Willow5217 −  You need to leave your boyfriend and tell those women the truth. You’ll end up like those women eventually. He will end up like his friends.

Plastic_Blood1782 −  Your boyfriend chooses to stay friends with these guys and doesn’t tell the wives because either he is a complete a**hole or he also cheats (or both).  You didn’t create a mess, they did by cheating.

If your boyfriend isn’t on your side, then he doesn’t have the same values as you do, and good riddance.  Stand up for what you know is right, not what you think will get a ring on your finger

lets_talk_aboutsplet −  Why do you want to marry someone who is perfectly fine with his best friends cheating on their wives? That shouldn’t be okay with him! I’m sorry, but if he hasn’t already cheated on you, he’s going to. And his bros will cover for him

RelativeLet3347 −  You decided to lie to a woman about her getting cheated on… to save your relationship…? There are so many red flags here and you’re choosing to ignore it. Let me guess, you also think that your man is the ONLY one who doesn’t cheat…? I would be the one moving on instead about worrying if he’s moving on.

Shelby_the_Turd −  he has basically said that these are his long-term friends and their actions aren’t his responsibility or his fault. Then I am guessing he’s not friends at all with their wives? Because real friends don’t hide this kind of stuff from them. I don’t know if I could stay friends with someone willing to do this to their partner. Doesn’t matter how long-term they are.

ForkFace69 −  Birds of a feather 

Ranae −  If he’ll cover for his cheating friends, they’ll cover for him.