Girlfriend won’t go to sleep until she is satisfied with our “cuddle time”

A boyfriend shared his frustrations about his girlfriend’s bedtime ritual, which involves prolonged cuddling, sweet talking, and eye contact, all while the lights remain on. While he loves cuddling, he feels overwhelmed by the forced nature of her demands, especially when he’s tired and just wants to sleep. Her refusal to compromise leaves him feeling powerless and unsure if he’s being unreasonable. Read on for the full story and join the conversation.

‘ Girlfriend won’t go to sleep until she is satisfied with our “cuddle time”‘

So before your read, I need to say I have nothing against cuddling to sleep. I actually love it. The problem I have here is that my girlfriend won’t go to sleep, or will cry, unless we have a “cuddle time” before turning off the light. And honestly I wouldn’t even mind if it lasted like 5min, and that we would just drift to sleep while cuddling.

But no, she doesn’t want it like that. She absolutely needs the light to be on, otherwise she will be upset. If I just start to get sleepy (wich I am because I want to sleep), she will get upset.
She absolutely wants to look me in the eyes, so cuddling to sleep is out of the question because I have to keep my eyes open too.

She also needs sweet talk, wich I like but not when it’s forced like that. She literally asks me to say cute thing to her, and not just “I love you more than anything”, she wants to ear what I think about her, how much my life is wonderful with her, etc… And honestly I have no problem with that, but only when it’s spontaneous, not when it’s forced.

And we say cute thing to each other all day long so it’s not like I never say it. But the worst thing for me is that she will not want to turn off the light and cuddle to sleep until she is satisfied of our cuddles and my talks. And that can take some time. Sometimes 15min, sometimes 1 hour.

I know it is normal to just chill and sweet talk with SO, but it’s always a necessity for here to do it right when I tell her I’m tired and I want to sleep. If I say I’m just too tired, or that it’s been some times already and that please could we turn off the light, she will just say “No ! Don’t say that !” and will make her “sad puppy face”, so I have no say in it.

Seriously, I think she’s just being too c**ngy and childish. Is it unreasonable to just say “good night I love you”, and then cuddle to sleep with the light off ? I don’t even know anymore if she asks too much or if I don’t do enough. I feel like I have no control over when I can finally drift off to sleep, she has to decide when or else she’ll cry for SEVERAL HOURS.

Honestly I wish I could just happily do all that, so that both of us would go to sleep without a problem, but I can’t. It’s so forced for me, it’s too much to comply when I’m tired. Could I have some insight ? What do you think ? Am I being unreasonable ?. Thanks for reading.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

NotThatValleyGirl −  She’s insecure and is using that as an excuse to control you. Crying for hours over nit being cuddled and praised for an hour?. That isn’t normal or reasonable. Her extreme insecurities are not your responsibility to fix or deal with forever. Talk to her about reasonable expectations and boundaries at bed time.

If she can’t endure a conversation about this with some irrational emotional outburst along the lines of “if you love me you will do x (at my demand and without limit)!” then you really need to weigh your ability to fulfill her unreasonable demands against your own needs for sleep.

[Reddit User] −  How old are you? She sounds like she needs therapy ASAP. Also, stop enabling this behavior. It will only get worse. Edit: Just went to your profile and saw your other post. Why does your 22 girlfriend not work? So she sits around all day at your place waiting for you to come home? She needs a job! She needs to become an adult. You babying her isn’t going to help her at all. 🤦‍♀️

[Reddit User] −  This is so weirdly demanding and infantile. She almost sounds obsessive. You’re not being unreasonable at all, you’re her boyfriend, not the parent of a 3-year-old. And even for a 3-year-old, this would be weird. She sounds deeply codependent and emotionally dysfunctional.

You need to tell her that this is not healthy, and she should seek some sort of help to be honest. The crying-for-hours thing is just… mentally ill, for want of a better. Your job as her partner is not to be used by her to regulate herself. She is supposed to be an equally emotionally competent adult in an equal relationship.

Beyond that, you have a right to consent, and she has to respect your consent. She doesn’t get to demand things of you like when you’re allowed to go to sleep. That is absolutely crazy, and you need to enforce that boundary.

Zanktus −  C**ngy is one thing, but this sounds a bit more than that. Especially that crying part for several hours etc. And don’t sugar coat that either, you are way to kind to her to even accept those conditions. She is also super selfish if she doesn’t let you sleep either. Cuddling and so on is fine, but this forced cute talking and stuff is reaaally really weird.

She has a huge attention problem and maybe you should consult some professional help here. Have you ever tried to talk with her about that? And I mean in a normal discussion in the daytime, not on the way to bed. If yes, what kind of arguments does she bring up for this really weird behaviour?

Ratatoski −  I’m starved for affection but felt suffocated after just a few paragraphs lol. This seems like some deep seated issues and insecurities best handled in therapy honestly.

EtheralGarlicbread −  You’re feeding the beast with this one dude. Same thing happened to my best mate, his fiance at the time wouldn’t sleep without him in the bed, it got to the point where her bed time had to be his. If he wasn’t there she’d text him and demand and cause arguments etc This is controlling and a form of abuse no matter how much she uses baby voice or wants nice things.

What would you say if a female relative come to you and said her boyfriend forces (because that’s what it is) her to cuddle him and tell him how amazing and loved he is every night. If she doesn’t he then gets pissed off, cries and throws a tantrum for potentially several hours…. There’s one thing wanting affection, another going fruit loopy when demands aren’t met.

Your gf is manipulative AND SHE KNOWS IT. You have to break the cycle, don’t give in. Infact I’d get away from someone with this mentality unless they owned their problems and got help. To be honest I’m getting the impression she won’t and all she’ll do is cry and scream more then when you stand your ground she’ll shock you with true colours.. All the best.

ino_y −  Barf. Exact same situation I had, with a 6’2 bearded manchild. Severe mummy issues. Above my paygrade. Bye Felicia. Also sleep deprivation is abuse and now considered torture.

GinchAnon −  Have you talked to her about how she slept before you got together?

[Reddit User] −  This is c**ngy, controlling and infantile. As another comment said you are being far too kind about this. Essentially she demands you stare at her and tell her how wonderful she is, otherwise she throws a tantrum. She does this at bed time but how far will this stretch? Will she start demanding other things? What is the reason for this behaviour?

You must discuss this with her like an adult. Edit: you also don’t say how old you are/how long you’ve been together. I have assumed you’re both quite young?

[Reddit User] −  Whatever her reasons are, she sounds like a huge pain in the ass. Personally, I’d bring a diaper and pacifier to bed for her. Seriously, I’d tell her to cut out the cuddle time b**lshit or you’re sleeping on the couch. Within a few days, the lack of sleep will set in, and she’ll need to go to bed like normal people. I’ve never heard of an adult needing to be Ferberized (look it up).

Is the boyfriend right to feel overwhelmed, or should he be more accommodating to his girlfriend’s bedtime needs? How would you balance emotional connection with personal boundaries in a relationship? Share your thoughts below!