Girlfriend (30F) of 4 years is obsessed with the idea of loyal me (32M) possibly having an affair.

A 32-year-old man has been in a loving, four-year relationship with his 30-year-old girlfriend, but over the past six months, her behavior has shifted drastically. Despite his loyalty and transparency, she has grown suspicious, questioning his whereabouts and interactions with other women.

Her interests in media centered on infidelity and distrust seem to amplify her fears, and their intimacy has deteriorated. Attempts at couples therapy have been dismissed by her, leaving him feeling unfairly accused and emotionally drained. He is seeking advice on how to rebuild trust and restore their once-solid relationship. read the original story below…

‘ Girlfriend (30F) of 4 years is obsessed with the idea of loyal me (32M) possibly having an affair.’

I love my girlfriend dearly, and while I have made boneheaded mistakes and owned up to them like any responsible guy would, I have never been and will never be disloyal to her. We both entered our 30’s together, we have even lived together for a year.

Overall, I believe we have been a solid couple, and on a foundational level, love each other very much. We have been through thick and thin, we speak each other’s love languages, and we know how to resolve conflict.

I’ve made clear that I want to spend the rest of my life with her, and we’re both ready to seal the deal once the timing is right due to potential career changes and uprooting. Over the past six months or so, something has changed.

Communicating with her has gradually become more difficult, and she has trouble maintaining eye contact with me, and distances herself from me. She regularly questions where I am and who I’m with.

Every time I speak with her, and show her evidence of my day, I still feel a constant air of suspicion from her – an “Oh really?”, a raised eyebrow, so on. Even in the middle of a weekday, where there’s nowhere else I should be except at the office, replying to her that I’m at my desk doesn’t seem to satisfy her curiosities.

Having a platonic interaction with any other woman causes my girlfriend to raise defences, questioning how I know them and that I must be attracted more to them than her. Then there’s her recent entertainment choices. Her books, music and podcasts, films, and socials are full of love affairs, web sleuthing,

true crime, romantic comedies, dating reality. Whenever I walk by or tune in with her, the general theme is how terrible men can be. I feel like she’s falling down the same kind of rabbit holes you hear about c**spiracy nuts falling into. Her algos are definitely encouraging her state of mind.

Intimacy has crumbled between us. She barely wants to hold my hand. I hug her, and can feel her being physically repulsed. Flowers, her #1 favourite gesture, are no longer adequate.

I know she has her own a**ndonment trauma, and I have been very patient by either navigating it with her, or giving her space when appropriate. I’ve brought her with me to couples counseling, but in her mind, my eagerness to repair things is an admission of guilt for a**ltery that never happened.

This week, after four sessions, she decided to stop going with me. That is her choice, and I will continue trying to be positive and supportive, while clearly expressing how troubled I feel.

I want to work this out, I want to know where this all stems from, and why she suddenly trusts me so little after being with me for this long. Instead of offering some transparency in return, she continues to be the victim, continues to criticise me, when I feel her state of mind is hurting both of us equally.

What else can I do to show her that I still love her to bits, and we can still be the loving, trusting couple we were not too long ago?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

HelloJunebug −  Either she’s cheating and projecting it onto you or one of her close friends is getting cheated on and it’s hitting her. But I think you need to talk to her. UPDATEME.

tattedtrash11 −  Brother, she is projecting. I hate to say it, but it sounds like you’re getting cheated on

franticantelope −  There are some types of OCD that can manifest as constant what ifs about a partner cheating, which could explain some of this behavior. Sometimes OCD can change themes, which could explain this seemingly out of nowhere change.

I do feel that projection theory others are saying likely fits the evidence more, but to say that there are other possibilities, and that it’s worth talking about with her further

ahdrielle −  She sounds very much like someone who is projecting, OP. She can’t look you in the eye but is up in her own ass that *you’re* cheating? Cmon. Writing is on the wall.

adeyfk −  It sounds a lot like projecting. A lot of the behaviors you describe are typical for a person who is having an affair and projects their behaviors on to you. Ask her to do a phone swap where you see her phone and she sees yours, if she refuses there’s strike one. Where is she when you’re not there?

She can’t look at you? Possible guilt. Wants to know where you are at all times? Helps plan her meets with AP. I would start a record of her behavior and then have a proper sit down conversation explaining how you feel and see if you can get her to clearly define why she believes that you are up to no good.

Vora_Vixen −  Sounds like she cheated on you and is trying to convince herself that its ok because you are probably cheating on her and men are bad. She’s brainwashing herself to not feel guilty about her actions.

OliverKitsch −  I have dated women who were jealous and probing…it will always wear you down and erode the relationship. You need to bounce.

Far_Refrigerator5601 −  This is so painful. She sounds like she’s cheating and projecting it onto you. Her recoiling from your touch and avoiding s** is probably her guilt creeping out.

sasanessa −  Uhhh. This is pretty concerning behaviour. I hate to say it but it very clearly sounds like she is cheating herself. Nothing has changed on your end…

Ok-Photo-1972 −  I would bet MONEY she’s cheating on you, given this has apparently come out of nowhere.

Have you ever faced similar challenges in a relationship? How did you navigate a situation where insecurities threatened the bond? Share your thoughts and advice below!