AITA for telling my wife it’s time for her to get a job?
A man took to Reddit’s AmItheAhole** subreddit to ask if he would be in the wrong for telling his wife it’s time for her to find a job. Married with two kids, aged 17 and 8, the man has been solely responsible for covering all bills, including the mortgage. However, with rising costs due to inflation, he’s finding it harder to make ends meet. His wife, who holds a college degree like him, refuses to work, citing her responsibilities of taking the children to and from school. Whenever the subject of her getting a job comes up, she reacts negatively. The man, who is also pursuing a master’s degree, is considering bringing up the conversation again or even taking a second job, but he wants to avoid conflict in his marriage.
Follow the full story below to explore this tricky financial and marital situation.
AITA for telling my wife it’s time for her to get a job?
I’ll try and keep this as short as possible. Married with two kids 17 and 8. My wife’s excuse is she has to watch the take the kids too and from school. I have been holding down all the bills and mortgage. The thing is money is starting to get tight because inflation and what not.
Every time I tell him wife I could use help with her finding even the simplest job she throws a tantrum. We both have college degrees and I’m in my own masters program right. I need to bring the subject of her finding a job again.
How can I do this so she does not throw a tantrum? We’re happy and I rather not get a divorce over it. Also thinking of taking on a second job and gave her reaction on that. Ok, I take responsibility for buy a new Tesla and liking expensive shoes. It dose not solve the problem that two incomes are better than more.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
rotunda4you says:
He said he bought a new Tesla and likes expensive shoes. Basically, he’s addicted to spending money and inflation has fucked up his frivolous spending and he wants his wife to get a job the fund his spending habit during a high inflation economy. Smh
MeepersPeepers13 says:
People suggest this, but most part time jobs don’t line up with when the kids are in school. What about early out days? Or late starts? I can’t think of many jobs looking for people 10-3, expect on late start Monday’s. Then it’s 12-3. Or testing week, when it’s only 10-1.
MaleficentLake6927 says:
This is all I can think about, as a SAHM myself if I went back to work we would have to reconfigure our whole life. Which if we needed I would obviously but I don’t think this man understands what his wife does.
Kingchess89 says:
Cut your own spending first and when things start to get really desperate then ask her again. If she still throws a tantrum, then she is being unreasonable. You have perfectly good reasoning at this point to bring it up and it becomes a requirement for your family to live.
Right now, you spending money then saying she needs to get a job just comes off as you calling her lazy and that you don’t appreciate the work she does do around the house and the kids.
Saying you need her to get job because you have no money then going out and buying a Tesla is hypocritical. You are the one being unreasonable. Yes, inflation is a problem. Using it as an excuse to try and get your wife to work outside the home is b*llshit and a bit childish. If you want more money, try asking for a raise to match inflation or find a better job.
monmothma11 says:
Totally agree here. The fact that the only tasks OP can list that his wife does is “take the kids to and from school” makes me wonder if her “tantrums” are actually just frustrations that he does not value the work that she does at home.
Bellowery says:
Are they going to force the daughter to pick up their son from school and watch him after rather than do after school activities? Being out of the workforce that long, she might be spending everything she can make on a nanny or babysitter. If it’s a full time job she may also need a housekeeper to do what she’s always done during the day. Without the RIGHT job he may be cutting off his nose to spite his face.
KonradWayne says:
You might be thinking of the post with the woman who was considering cheating on her SAH husband before he got sick (covid I think), because she thought she was the one doing all the heavy lifting, and once she had to do all the parenting and housework, she realized she was the one not pulling her own weight.
thisyellowdaffodil says:
This is an excellent comment. Some people tend to vastly underestimate what it requires to run a household (especially with dependents, whether that be kids or elderly parents, etc) when only one person in a marriage is managing most, if not all, of these responsibilities. But because there is no set dollar exchange happening, the value is minimized and, at worst, lost.
This story highlights the difficult balancing act of managing family finances, personal desires, and maintaining harmony in a marriage. While the man acknowledges his spending habits, he believes two incomes would alleviate the growing financial pressure. The story opens up broader discussions about shared responsibilities in a household, communication strategies for tough conversations, and how financial stress can strain even the happiest marriages.
What do you think? Should the wife contribute financially, or is there another way to handle the situation? Share your thoughts on balancing finances and family dynamics.
