Follow up to “I’m at my wit’s end with my messy partner”

A Redditor (29F) shares an update after confronting her boyfriend (30M) about his messy habits and lack of effort in their relationship. During the conversation, he revealed he no longer loved her and had known for a month, even while signing a year lease together.

The relationship ended, and she’s now figuring out how to navigate living together for the next 11 months while maintaining boundaries. Despite the heartbreak, she’s feeling a sense of freedom and working through the situation with strength. Read the original story below.

‘ Follow up to “I’m at my wit’s end with my messy partner”‘

I 29F sat my 30M boyfriend Of 1.5 years down today to have one final talk about him being a lazy slob. Half eaten food and dirty dishes on his desk for days, empty soda cans everywhere, food wasted from being left out overnight. Today I found old chocolate milk spilled down the wall behind his desk and on his footrest.

Tried to work with him, he just won’t keep up with himself, it’s been a year of this. Talked to him today, laid it out, had a very civil talk with him. And then he hit me with “I guess now is a good time to tell you that I don’t love you anymore”. I asked him how long he felt like this, he said he’s known for about a month.

Guess what happened a month ago? We signed another year lease. Yep, this a**hole knew he didn’t want to stay with me, and still signed a year lease with me. Needless to say our relationship ended today, with 11 months left on our one bedroom apartment lease. Almost 15 years of friendship.

I called my mom and sobbed of course, talked for a bit. Now I’m back home. I told him he could have the living area, I would move my stuff into the bedroom, and his stuff into the living area. I bought the bed before we got together, keeping that. We don’t have a couch. He works overnights and leaves for work in a few hours.

I’m thinking of moving all his stuff, buying him an air mattress (more than he deserves, I know, but no couch) and buying a lock for the bedroom just to really solidify boundaries, it’ll be done before he gets home. I’m not trying to be petty, I’m not gonna break his stuff or throw anything away.

As I’m moving his stuff out of the bedroom I’m vacuuming and throwing away his trash. Cleaning up after him one final time. I feel oddly free. I am a little worried that it means everything will come crashing down on me later, but moving everything is really helping me work through this.

I’m going to move all my cool decorations into the bedroom, going to hang that poster that I tried to get him to help me with for 6 months. I was certainly blindsided today, I’m still not sure if I lucked out though.

I have no friends, and my family lives states away. Nowhere to go regularly to steer clear of him. But the support I’ve gotten here makes me feel less alone, thank you.. Heartbroken, but gonna be okay.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

incognitothrowaway1A −  Break the lease. Pay the break fee and get out

CNDRock16 −  He’s lying. You called him out on his crap and his knee j**k response was to kick back “well, I don’t love you anymore anyways”. I’d still move on from this relationship, regardless. He wants a mommy, not a partner, and he can’t handle someone who will hold him responsible for his actions.

DiTrastevere −  I feel oddly free. I am a little worried that it means everything will come crashing down on me later. Truth be told, I suspect he’s the one who’s going to be blindsided by his feelings later. That’s usually how it goes in a breakup between a lazy person and a functional person.

He’s going to notice, when you’re no longer around, just how much you did for him. Not just domestically, but emotionally. He’s going to get lonely and bored and he will look around at his gross little room and the breakup will suddenly hit him like a 2×4 to the face.

*You* will start to notice how *little* he did for you, and how much easier your life is when you’re not constantly worrying about him and cleaning up after him and tiptoeing around his feelings. You’re already noticing! That light, unburdened feeling tells you a *lot*.  I hope you remember how you feel now if/when you get the 2 am “…hey” text. 

CADreamn −  “You can’t fire me! I quit!” 

TurtleDive1234 −  I think the “I don’t love you anymore” was just him lashing out. He felt cornered and took a shot. That said, he’s given you an out – TAKE IT.

You can talk to your landlord about getting off the lease – you won’t know until you ask. And all states have law as about breaking leases so I’d look into those as well. I’m VERY proud of you for holding your ground.

winwining −  I would not disrupt your peace by still living with this man. imagine going home after a hard day of work and having reminders of someone who does not serve your life in a place where you should feel at peace and safe.

If I were you, I would see if you could break the lease. Sounds like it’s a 1 bedroom or else I’d suggest subleasing your spot to someone. Either way I really would try to find a way to not live with him anymore

iSoReddit −  If I were you I’d talk to the landlord about breaking the lease, or if that fails, leave and saddle your ex with the costs, f**k him

mount_moho −  You need to find a new tenant to take over your lease and move out.

myassholealt −  Dont buy him a f**king air mattress, wtf. Girl how long until you start cleaning up after him again and sleep with him cause of the convenience of proximity if you can’t even let him deal with his own sleeping situation.

willowcat20 −  Do whatever you need to do to recoup or break even the money you would lose to break your lease, then break it. You still share a bathroom and kitchen where I’m sure he’s also a slob too, and he may take out his anger/resentment on you by being *more* lazy and dirty, or intentionally be almost late on bills, etc.

Trust me, it is **worth it** to pay what you need to to break the lease, move in for a couple months with family or friends or AirBnB until you find a more permanent place again. Be fully free of him, it’ll be even better compared to how free you feel now. Imagine your own, respected living space. Best of luck.

This Redditor’s story shows the difficult reality of facing a breakup, especially when it’s unexpected and intertwined with shared living situations. But even in pain, she’s finding ways to reclaim her space and her sense of self.

Sometimes, a painful ending is the first step to personal freedom. What do you think—how would you cope in such a situation? Share your thoughts below.