Final Update : AITA for teasing my friend about not recognizing my kid, thus ruining her marriage and an unrelated engagement party?

So if you read my original post: https://aita.pics/YRycd
. and first update, here: https://aita.pics/RbEhM

‘ Final Update : AITA for teasing my friend about not recognizing my kid, thus ruining her marriage and an unrelated engagement party?’

some of you thought things were going to get pretty crazy. Before I give the update I should probably clarify some things that were brought up in comments:
First – when I said we were roommates, I did not mean we shared a literal room. We lived off-campus in an apartment with another friend. Each had their own room.

Second – to clarify (and more on this later) the only person she told about having an affair with me longterm was her husband (now ex). Everyone else “heard” about it only after the engagement party outburst.

Third – my house already has cameras and security. My dogs and her never really got along so I don’t think she’s going to be trying anything anyhow. (suppose they were the first to know what’s up?). Okay onto the actual update:

While unfortunately I do not have the conversation with her recorded. I DO have a text from a later time where she confirms making it up. I did not block her because my wife said it might be better to let her incriminate herself further and have it documented, so I just let her do it for a while and once I got her to admit she made the affair up, I stopped responding.

Got increasingly angrier text but nothing yesterday so hopefully that’s done with. She said some pretty n**ty s**t about my wife, and I considered responding, but my wife laughed it off and said that’s just how sore losers are, and I shouldn’t engage any further, so I didn’t. I also have screenshots from her husband where she talks about the affair she is supposedly having with me.

How do I have those you ask? Well, realizing just how much she lied about to me, it occurred to me that almost everything I know about her husband – let’s call him Dave, comes, even indirectly, from her, and by this point I suspect she might not be the most honest conveyor of events. So I took a risk and texted him to meet up.

We had a long talk, and… again he might be lying of course, but from what he said – he actually never cheated on her, though she often accused him of that. the “innocent mistake” she made with his family? Yeah she felt his cousin’s wife was being a little bit TOO familiar with him (Dave), and started actively spreading the rumor the kid was his, maliciously.

This, understandably caused huge backlash, and was one of the many things which caused Dave to want to leave. the interaction with me, in that context, was just the final straw. Thinking of that now – the mistake she made with me might not have been so innocent, and I think she might have tried to start some s**t if my wife or the kid’s mom were less good-natured about the whole thing.

So anyway, Dave is fighting for full custody so that can get really u**y. I don’t know the legal nuance of divorce but I assume he’s in for a shitstorm. He really likes a lot of our mutual friends and has been a part of the group for quite a while – so he doesn’t really want to have to leave or anything, and to be fair, having talked to him vs. Emma, I tend to agree.

We talked for a long time and he seems to be a pretty good guy (though I HAVE been wrong before), and I offered some support because, well… having read my posts you can probably assume what divorcing Emma is like. He worries about it and I understand him completely. So I offered support best I could and will probably continue to do so.

So as for my friends – I sortta took ya’ll’s advice but not really – I didn’t do a group text, but I DID give a short summary of what happened and some choice screenshots to most of my friends. This started some conversation, and a lot of tea was spilled, and some realizations were made regarding the fact that a lot of drama that plagued our group over the years can actually be attributed to “misunderstandings” attributed to Emma. More tea ensued.

Wife is having a blast. So.. yeah, some of my friends were gobsmacked since they didn’t really hear Emma’s story, but understood what a clusterfuck this was. Others were understanding. Emma’s best friend blocked me so she got nothing, but I suspect she’d remain unswayed regardless, and I suppose that’s good.

Most people I talked to felt We should probably cut contact from Emma, and that would be that. Her house in our neighborhood is owned by Dave, and she already moved out, so we’re not supposed to be seeing too much of her day-to-day.

I don’t want to demonize her. I don’t think she was evilly cackling as she tried to ruin lives. I think she is a very troubled person and I still hope she finds peace and friends and relationships that would help her through whatever the f**k she is going through, and mostly a good therapist, but… this is no longer my circus, and she is not my monkey, and so I hope she does all that way the f**k away from me.

As for my wife – here things get a little tricky. See my wife confessed that she and Dave were having an affair all this time, and so we are getting a divorce.
I’m kidding about the last part, of course. God could you imagine? No, my wife is awesome and remained awesome. Since the situation seems to be mostly resolved she is now allowed to tease me about it, which she had been. A LOT.

I might take a while to live this down, but otherwise we are doing well, and for the most part things seemed to have settled down with my friends, though I may want to reevaluate some of my relationships with some of the ones who were more inclined to believe some pretty bad s**t about me…

And, yeah… that’s about it. sorry there wasn’t really the crazy showdown some of you may have expected. I do think this thing is behind us now, and thank you all for reading, and for your advice.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Marine_olive76 −  “Wife is having a blast.”
Well, it is always to have a good humor and the ability to stay positive during the shitstorm. You have a smart one, don’t ever let her go. Lol

treehuggerfroglover −  You had me with that line about your wife having an affair😭I’ve been so invested in this story and I swear I almost threw my phone across the room and just gave up. She’s my favorite character!!
No but seriously I’m glad it’s finally over for you and you can start moving past all this insanity. What a ride

Aegon2050 −  I just want to say how amazing your wife is. She’s been supportive and, from the looks of it, is not affected by this whole situation at all. Emma is a textbook toxic gal and I’m glad everything has worked out fine for now. Some people are just cruel and there is nothing we can do about it other than just staying far far away. So do that. Stay far away and live your best life with your gigchad of a wife. She is a rare one.

Subjective_Box −  I jumped on this update so fast (guilty as charged).. And I really like your wife.

RedHolly −  I have to be honest, you are one lucky SOB for marrying that woman. Many people would NOT find the humor in this so easily. Make sure you are taking good care of her, take her amazing ass out to dinner and buy her flowers ffs. She deserves it.

SurroundMiserable262 −  Wow. I’m exhausted and I’m not involved. Glad your wife sees the funny side of it. Seems Emma is very troubled and what should have just been a hey i really like you years ago has spiraled into her trying to manipulate an end game of sorts here. Either way not your problem.

I would help dave out in a custody battle if needed and state if davd is being falsely accused of stuff…just say this was the situation. It wasn’t true. I am not inclined to believe what she says. At least then the judge will know she’s a proven l**r and that should hold some weight on whatever she says in a custody battle.

Cursd818 −  Wife is having a blast.
You definitely hit the jackpot with this one. I like her a lot.

Technical_Pumpkin_65 −  Well it was a rollercoaster thing!

Icy_Cardiologist8444 −  So, I’m gonna need a flow chart or a diagram or… I don’t even know at this point. I think everyone just needs to make a list of all of the random s**t that Emma has said to them over the years, make their own boards, and just play Emma Bingo. Please don’t try to turn this into any kind of drinking game, though, because no one would make it out alive…

DivineTarot −  I don’t want to demonize her. I don’t think she was evilly cackling as she tried to ruin lives. I think she is a very troubled person and I still hope she finds peace and friends and relationships that would help her through whatever the f**k she is going through, and mostly a good therapist, but… this is no longer my circus, and she is not my monkey, and so I hope she does all that way the f**k away from me.

Look, if you’re waiting for her the manifest a curly moustache, or suddenly start talking in a snotty roaring 20s socialite accent while holding an evil cigarette holder before you feel it’s right to “vilify her”, than you’ll be waiting a long time. People, even intrinsic bad actors, are dynamic enough that the worst people will always be pleasant to your face and practice all the pro-social notions of keeping close to friends and enemies.

When it comes down to it, a sycophant will get farther with people they’re potentially a threat to than someone who is jerkish and rude, because the latter will be held at arms length even if their attitude is thoroughly justified and they’re actually decent people.

You don’t need to justify to yourself or others why you feel that someone, who fully admitted that she lied up a storm to create a self-beneficial narrative in her life, and threw people under the bus, is someone you want fuckin nothing with.

I’ll also add you don’t need to justify why you also gave her soon to be ex husband a chance to say his peace, because again she admitted to being a pathological l**r. Basically nothing she says can be taken at face value at this point, and while it’s possible he was cheating or a**sive, it’s at a point where he has less marks against him than she does. That’s credibility for you.