Family Relies on Me for IT Support—How Do I Set Boundaries?

A Reddit user, working in IT, has been the go-to tech support for their family for years. However, now that they work in IT professionally, they no longer want to spend their free time fixing family members’ tech issues.

While most family members understood, a few were upset, including an aunt who accused the user of being selfish. The user is now feeling hurt and excluded from family events, struggling to find a way to balance family expectations with personal boundaries.

‘ Family Relies on Me for IT Support—How Do I Set Boundaries?’

I’ll try and keep it short. My family is full of tech illiterate people. Since I was in high school I’ve been the go to for fixing tech problems. If there is an issue they will usually text or call me and they can drop it off for me to look at if its something I can’t fix over the phone.

However now I work in IT so I am spending 8-10 hours a day fixing other people’s tech issues and now I don’t want to spend more time outside of working doing the same thing.

I explain that if it is something super quick I can help with over text then I’ll try, but that anything more than that and I need them to look it up themselves or go to a shop to get it fixed. Most of them were very understanding. Some were not.

My aunt actually pretended to not see my message explaining my situation to her and she showed up at my doorstep with a box full of things she wanted fixed. I refused to take them and explained that I don’t have time to do these things for them anymore.

She called me selfish and said I don’t care about family anymore before she threw the box in her car and drove off. The next day I started getting texts from a few other family members that wanted things fixed telling me I was selfish and that ever since I got that new job I’ve been acting like I’m too good for family.

This really hurt. I’ve even been uninvited to a family party I was looking forward to because it is at Aunt’s house and she doesn’t want me there. Is there anything I can do here? Or do I just have to accept that some of my family sucks and move on?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

FlagrantPickle −  This really hurt. I’ve even been uninvited to a family party I was looking forward to because it is at Aunt’s house and she doesn’t want me there.
I’d send a message to all who have come at you. “I see my value to you isn’t my company, but rather the services I can give to you. This isn’t how family acts.

I’ve been generous in the past with what was an aspiration or hobby, but after working 50 hour weeks, I thought my family would understand I wanted a break. Instead, the break must include those I love, as they’re unable to see me as anything but the help.”

avocado__dip −  What type of jobs do they have? Do they use those skills to help the family?

Bromur −  I would accept to fix it and take a REALLY long time doing it. “Yeah sure, drop it off, see you in six months”.

ladyughsalot −  You said “most” understood. It’s only the most entitled folks with work they want done who aren’t understanding. Focus on the ones who understand. And while it may not be your style I’d reach out to Auntie Entitled.

“I’m disappointed by our current misunderstanding; after years of happily fixing items and doing IT work for free, I simply don’t have that option now that it is my full-time work. It pains me that you’d focus on what I can’t do right now, when I have always been happy to help you if I was able. I am not currently able to help and I am saddened to think you felt it was personal.”

She wants to focus on you not helping. Remind her of all the times you did. Also: what does she do for her job? Does she also do it for free??

Steve12345678911 −  So, what really helped me is : become very very stupid. “I see, but this is a mobile phone and unfortunately I only work with routers… really I do not know what to do with this thing…” “Ah you have a windows computer, to bad I only understand Unix” “This is probably a hardware issue, I only do software” (reverse if needed). ​

substiccount −  Well I guess you’re gaining some pretty important insight as to what type of people your family are. If they expect IT help, show up with boxes of s**t and then uninvited you as some sort of guilt trip… I’d personally think about keeping that distance between you and them.

Burgette_ −  Just start telling other family members the ridiculous story of how after happily helping your aunt for many years, when you told her you weren’t available to assist with her problem this one time she had the balls to show up at your house with **an entire box of devices to fix**.

And then laugh away at how insanely entitled and absurd that behaviour is and that she felt it justified to cut you out of the family events as retaliation. She honestly sounds like a cow and should be called out as such.

pembinariver −  Personally, I have never objected to helping family and friends with their computers and networking. It gets me free plumbing, mechanical, and carpentry work in return. One thing you could try is explaining that if you’re giving free professional services, you expect free professional services.

This may either cause them to stop asking or save you a pile of money. Of course this doesn’t work if nobody in your family has skills that you desire.

0biterdicta −  They are throwing a hissy fit in hopes you’ll give in, and if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. Don’t JADE, just keep saying no.

Sarahangelmtg −  Your aunt is gonna look like an entitled b**t once folks figure out why you aren’t there.