Ex Gf and her 17 yr old adult son?

When dating dynamics and family boundaries collide, even a promising relationship can take a dramatic turn. Our OP, a 38‑year‑old man, met a woman on Hinge who seemed amazing—intelligent, funny, and attractive. However, there was one complication: she has a 17‑year‑old son. Although his ex-husband isn’t involved and the father is only peripherally present, the son’s behavior proved to be a dealbreaker.

Initially, the son appeared to be an infrequent presence on their dates, but soon the young man began showing up on every outing. Described in unflattering terms as having a “massive attitude” and a demeanor reminiscent of a school shooter type—with no real friends or a proper social life—the son quickly overshadowed the romance. Despite the woman’s apparent attempts to accommodate him by “hovering” and granting his every whim, the OP’s frustration mounted until he finally could no longer ignore it.

Ultimately, he spoke up about the disruptive behavior and, after being repeatedly ignored, decided to end the relationship. In a final parting remark, he told his ex that her son was “close to needing a genuine s**t kicking” and that if nothing changed, he couldn’t continue dating someone whose boundaries for family involvement were so blurred. Now he wonders: Am I the asshole for breaking up with her because she has no limits when it comes to involving her son in our relationship?

‘Ex Gf and her 17 yr old adult son?’

When family members inadvertently—or intentionally—intrude on a romantic relationship, it can raise complex questions about boundaries and personal values. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist known for her work on relationship dynamics, explains,

“When a partner consistently allows a child or any family member to dominate the couple’s time and space, it can create a persistent imbalance that undermines the relationship. If one person feels overshadowed by a family member, that frustration is a legitimate emotional response.” (kidshealth.org)

Dr. Durvasula further emphasizes that “a relationship is built on mutual respect and shared experiences. If one partner’s inability to set boundaries leads to repeated, unwanted interference from a child, it’s understandable that the other would eventually feel that their needs are being disregarded.” In this scenario, while it’s clear that the child is an important part of her life, the OP’s concerns focus on the lack of limits being set in the relationship.

Family therapist Dr. Susan Johnson adds,“In blended relationships, especially those involving stepchildren or ex-partner’s children, clear boundaries are essential. If one partner consistently prioritizes the child’s needs over the relationship, it can lead to a breakdown in communication and emotional connection.”

While many might agree that a parent’s responsibility to their child is paramount, experts stress that when a relationship was founded on shared expectations (like a balanced partnership without undue interference), it is fair to expect those boundaries to be respected.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Many redditors empathize with the OP, arguing that if you repeatedly have your partner’s child on every date without prior discussion, you have every right to demand boundaries. “After a few months, it becomes too much, and if your concerns are ignored, breaking up is understandable,” one user commented.

Ultimately, the OP’s decision to end the relationship over his partner’s inability to set boundaries for her son reflects a deep, personal frustration with a situation that has gradually eroded the quality of their time together. While some might say that children naturally play a big role in a parent’s life, others agree that if you entered the relationship expecting a balanced, childfree dating experience, then it’s fair to hold the partner accountable for continually ignoring those expectations.

What do you think? Is it fair to break up over persistent boundary issues, or should there have been another way to handle the interference? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—what would you do if you were in a similar situation?