Ex friend (30f) thinks I (30f) stole my fiancé (30m) from her. Not sure what to do?

A woman finds herself at the center of a social media storm after her former friend accuses her of “stealing” her fiancé, a man the friend had a casual relationship with years ago. Despite the friend being married with children, she has taken to social media and even called the woman’s workplace to express her outrage. Now, the woman is seeking advice on how to handle the situation. Read the full story below.

‘ Ex friend (30f) thinks I (30f) stole my fiancé (30m) from her. Not sure what to do?’

Sophomore year of college my friend Cindy started sleeping with, but not dating, a boy named Alex. She introduced me to him and he was very handsome, but I denied that to Cindy because I knew she liked him and I didn’t think it was that important. Soon, she wanted to date Alex and he turned her down. Then she met a man named James and immediately got pregnant then married James when the baby was about six months old.

Alex and I had been in contact and I was still attracted to him. We would hang out, but not sleep together. It took about a year of relationship building before we were together. In the meantime Cindy and James had hit a rough patch, and she told me she had messaged Alex. She “wanted him back “ I played it cool, not telling her we were kind of together.

Cindy moved to a different state and we weren’t in danger of running into her, and it didn’t seem important. She and James had another baby and we stopped talking. I just wasn’t interested anymore and couldn’t ever shake the feeling she would pursue Alex if given the chance.

Whenever Alex would say anything about having some difficulties in life, she is always the first to respond that she’s there for him and to message her. Well, fast forward about seven years from the time we met, Alex proposed and I said of course.

Fearing Cindy’s reaction, I deleted all of my social media accounts. She lost it. She calls me screaming, she has posted screenshots of old messages between us on social media, she has called my employer freaking out.

I don’t know what to do. She keeps telling people I stole her soulmate, but he wanted me… she married another man (who I actually think is a very nice guy). What do I do here?

Tl;dr ex friend thinks I stole the man that asked me to marry him from her. Now is exposing me on social media and calling my work

See what others had to share with OP:

UnusualPotato1515 −  Cindy is delusional – there was no soulmate to steal as Alex didnt want to date her after she asked him out.

superhibiscus −  I think everyone here agrees that your friend is acting delusional and you should be contacting the authorities since she is essentially harassing you at this point. The only thing I don’t understand is why you weren’t honest about your relationship with Alex when your friend (at the time) confided in you that she “wanted him back”.

Princapessa −  She called your employer saying what even?? Draft a cease and desist letter with a lawyer letting her know if she contacts you or anyone from your place of work again you will file a no contact order on her. Delusional can escalate to dangerous real fast.

ionlyreadtitle −  Call a lawyer and police about harassment.

HarveySnake −  You should block Cindy, let your fiancé understand what is going on and possibly some mutual friends. Then live your best life with your fiancé and don’t look back. If you are concerned that you might have done something wrong? Yes and no.

Realistically, she’s married and shouldn’t be thinking about other guys, let alone “sort of ex’s” that live in a different state. It could be argued (not a strong argument) that you violated “girl code” by dating someone you knew a friend was interested in.

However, when you add in the other facts (like her being married) the argument really falls flat. Cindy needs therapy. She is clearly unhappy about her life and marriage. Alex represents the life she wanted but couldn’t have. Realistically, it was never an option for her. 

WinterFront1431 −  Cindy is delusional, and if I were Alex, I’d let her know that not once was he interested in her with anything more than getting laid… I feel for her husband.

SenatorPardek −  Would Cindy be justified not having a friendship with you after getting with her ex friends with benefits? Yeah, probably. She was married and living in another state. Were you morally obligated to get her permission? no. Should you have given her the communication and heads up that you and Alex have found a connection? If you cared about your friendship, yes.

Does Cindy need serious therapy, is she allowing Alex to be the one that got away, and is she essentially making you the villain in her life story? Beyond yea. Basically I’d say you committed a standard level violation of girl code.

Hiding your stuff with alex from her was s**tty unless you like: literally no longer had contact for years. But you said she was still talking to you at this point. She committed a major sin. Calling your employer? Going nuclear? yeah. if she wanted to call you a n**ty name and not talk to you anymore sure: but it seems she’s gone off the deep end here

jackjackj8ck −  This whole thing is weird. You got with your friend’s ex like a year after they ended things? Like even if she’s married and has a kid, if she’s your friend it’s weird you’d keep it a secret instead of just being straight up. And then you kept it a secret from her for 7 years?

And instead of being open and honest finally, instead you just delete everything? What the hell?? That seems super shady Her reaction is unhinged and uncalled for, don’t get me wrong.

But I wonder if fiancé is playing both sides? There’s probably a reason why she thinks they’re soulmates… I’d be checking his phone after a reaction like that… But man I wouldn’t wanna be friends with either of you

TheBattyWitch −  You send her a cease and desist letter and block her ass, she’s delusional and crazy

onedayatatime08 −  I think you made some major mistakes here. Technically you didn’t owe any kind of explanation or heads up. If you value your friendship, though, this is the most decent thing to do.

You knew how she felt about him, that’s why you hid a majority of this from her. It was entirely wrong on your part as a friend. She just randomly finds out you’re engaged and knew nothing the entire time. Instead of talking to her, you shut down all social media so that she couldn’t message you. That’s why she went bonkers.

Honesty is the best police. Your friend had feelings for someone that didn’t want a relationship with her. He wasn’t her soulmate, just someone she wanted. But you didn’t handle this right. The friendship is done.

What to do? Nothing. I think Alex might need to ask her to stop. Maybe she needs to hear from him that they aren’t soulmates. Beyond that, you both might need to cut contact now.

Navigating complex relationships and boundaries can be challenging, especially when emotions and history are involved. How would you handle a situation like this? Share your advice or similar experiences in the comments below!