Date got angry that he arrived 7 hours before and I wasn’t there. Maybe I was in the wrong not to rush to him? I am F 40 and he is M 52

A Reddit user (F40) shared her experience meeting a man (M52) she had been talking to online for 4 months. They had arranged to meet at a coffee shop at 2pm, but the man arrived 7 hours earlier and became angry when she wasn’t there to meet him right away.

Despite her explanation that she couldn’t drop everything to see him early, the man grew increasingly frustrated, shouted at her, and left, saying she wasn’t what he wanted. The user is now questioning if she was wrong for not rushing to him earlier and whether the outcome could have been different if she had acted differently.

‘ Date got angry that he arrived 7 hours before and I wasn’t there. Maybe I was in the wrong not to rush to him? I am F 40 and he is M 52 ‘

I have been chatting to a man online that lives in a different state to me for the last 4 months. We have been talking every day online and on the phone for hours at a time and we decided to meet today. He drove 8 hours to see me and we arranged we would meet at a coffee shop at 2pm.

He calls me and tells me he drove all night to see me and he arrived at 7am. I had things on in the morning and wasn’t able to leave to see him straight away, I did cancel some appointments and was in a hurry to try to see him earlier.

I get an angry call from him at 11:45am asking how much longer I’ll be and where I am, I said I am leaving in 30 to 45 mins and I will see him soon. 15 mins later he calls again and starts shouting at me saying I am playing games with him and he is sick of waiting for me and I am playing games with him and he is driving home and forget the coffee date.

I managed to calm him down and left what I was doing (was getting my hair done) and yes I left the salon with it half done and went to him immediately. When I got there he was cold and angry and he said ‘you’re not what i want, i don’t want a woman that takes forever to come to me’.

I tried to explain to him we arranged to meet at 2pm and just because he decided to drive all night to see me and arrive early, that was great but I couldn’t drop everything to see him. He was so angry that he was rude to staff as well and he was complaining that the coffee wasn’t good and it was cold etc.

Everything was bothering him and in the end he just left me there and said he is leaving he is going home. My heart is broken as I spent 4 months getting to know this man, so many hours online and on the phone and this is how it ended.

He said he felt that if i was serious about him I would’ve arrived within 2 hours of him arriving instead of coming at the time we had both arranged. Am I in the wrong and I messed all this up? Should I have done something different and the outcome would be different?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

freddibed −  Respectfully, why would you want a “good outcome” with this guy, now that you know he’s a c**ngy maniac? The best outcome has already happened: you got to see who he is and now you don’t have to engage with him anymore. Grieve the fantasy of the person you thought he was, and move on.. Much love sis

sanguinare12 −  Is he f**king insane? Yes. Are you? Hopefully not, but ignoring some g**damn obvious warning signs about this guy isn’t speaking in you favor. The next time someone pulls absolute b**lshit and then spins the blame around on you, pay more attention.

ShinyArtist −  I wouldn’t have cancel my plans for him. He knew the plan was to meet at 2, and I would have reminded him of that. He was testing you. Testing how submissive and easy to control you are. How easy it is to make you drop your work, friends and family for him, to isolate you.

I wouldn’t be surprised if messages you again after punishing you for a while with silent treatment, and gives you unrealistic rules and expectations that would serve him. Block him to make sure he doesn’t do that.

necromorti −  RED FLAG ALERT! I REPEAT! RED FLAG ALERT! That guy instead of sightseeing, relaxing, resting, doing something with himself, took it out on you. That is first red flag. Another one is that he used his frustration on poor staff. And on you which makes it third red flag.

spatuladracula −  Be prepared for him to love bomb you now that you’re back to being long distance. You saw who he is and need to remember that, not the person he pretends to be through text/calls. Honestly best to go no contact when dealing with people like this, good luck and stay safe!

Icy-Yogurtcloset1377 −  He’s being completely unreasonable! You had scheduled a date for 2pm and you planed on being there on time. It’s his effing problem he decided to change his plans without telling you. Honestly, I think it was a power play: he hoped you had things planed and wanted to make you cancel them.

When he realised he couldn’t control you, he snapped. In the future, you really shouldn’t drop anything to go see a man who’s apparently furious AT YOU because of something HE DID. He doesn’t sound safe to be around… definitely more dangerous than a 🐻…

Putasonder −  Your heart is broken? Over a four month “chat” on the internet with a man that turned out to be a 52 year old blowhard toddler pitching a tantrum?
Holy crap you dodged a bullet. This man was a giant red flag in human form. This is cause for celebration! Go outside and twirl around in the sunlight, secure in the knowledge that you lost *nothing* worth having.

yawaworthemn −  I’m asking you sincerely: Why can’t you see that this man is a l**atic? Why would you drop everything and respond positively to this very literally insane behavior?

Why are you letting a stranger talk to you that way? He is unhinged! You had made a plan. Meet at 2pm. He chose to drive all night and arrive hours early. Don’t be heart broken. He’s not well and possibly dangerous.

NeighborhoodSuper592 −  is he nuts? 7 hours early . dodge that bullet

a_raptor_dick −  It’s wild to me that at 52 years old he still behaves like that.