Dad (60M) suggested my sister (26F) open her relationship because she can’t be intimate due to illness. Family expects me (28) to fix this. How can I even attempt or bother?

A man (29M) finds himself caught in the middle of a family crisis after his father (60M) suggested that his sister (26F), who is recovering from significant medical issues, open her relationship to accommodate her boyfriend’s needs.

The insensitive comment has created a rift in the family, leaving the poster under pressure to repair the relationship between his father and sister. Read the full story below.

‘ Dad (60M) suggested my sister (26F) open her relationship because she can’t be intimate due to illness. Family expects me (28) to fix this. How can I even attempt or bother? ?’

I (29M) am trying not to be weird about this given how weird the issue is to begin with. I just have no clue what to do and I keep getting daily messages about it. My sister, Sofia (26F) has had some medical issues lately. I won’t say what as that her business to share with people. But she’s had to have 2 surgeries this year.

A third one may be on the cards if her rehab doesn’t go as planned. As a result, it’s been to been too painful for her to be active in the bedroom. She just now can lift up a box as a major milestone to give a bit of context. This came around because Sofia was attending a family event.

She was talking to our other sister (23F) and our mother (63F) about what she can or can’t do. She started to tell them what a saint her boyfriend has been throughout the entire thing. I think Elly (other sister) just asked her how had their relationship been going on the more intimate side of things.

She said she can’t be active because it just hurts too much at the moment. Our dad overheard and mentioned that he’s heard young couples are opening relationships. He effectively said it’s not fair on her boyfriend and young guys have more needs to be met than women.

I think you can imagine the several reactions ,this comment got and the following argument. Mom and my two sisters really laid into him. I was not there so I’m not entirely sure what was said. Just that he said that she should allow Oscar (her boyfriend) to sleep around because it’s not fair on him to be in a sexless relationship.

He tried to justify it to me as he’s just upset his daughter and has had to postpone her career (personal trainer). He feels bad for Oscar despite Oscar never talking to him about this. He thought he’d have grandchildren etc. But Sofia has not spoken to him for going on four months.

My dad and his side of the family expects me to fix things with my sister. And I’m just so hesitant to even bring it up. But it’s a constant mess on his side. They’re getting more pushy with it going into the holidays. And I don’t even know what to do anymore. What can I do?

Check out how the community responded:

SubstantialMaize6747 −  This isn’t your problem to solve. Your dad needs to apologise to your sister. I imagine this is something your sister feels guilty enough about, she needed support from her family, not “guys need s**” talk from your dad. Jeez read the room buddy!

Are your mum and dad together? I initially assumed they were, but I don’t understand why you now have to fix this if he lives with your mum. Your dad clearly has views on guys getting s** even if their partners are unwell. It’s setting off red flags for your mum if they’re still together.

hen_ical −  Every time someone comes to you to fix it, turn it back “has Dad apologised yet?” “Did he do so sincerely?” “And did Sofia accept?”

“It’s her call to make not mine” At the end of the day I’d reach out to your sister and reassure her that you love and support her and that if/when your Dad apologises you’ll be there to support her whether that’s forgiveness or saying she still needs space.

UnusualPotato1515 −  Your dad is a weirdo

redditreaderwolf −  How can you fix something your Dad broke? Keep out of it.

DecentPear2496 −  Wow, your father is a disgusting, misogynist scumbag. Devaluing his own daughter like that, and reducing her entire worth down to being some random dude’s s** doll. His own child! I bet he justifies cheating on his wife too. It’s like women are barely even people to him. Jesus, what a vile p**.

Any_Pickle_8664 −  “This is not my mess. You are not a child. I am not cleaning up your mess. Fix it yourself.”. Hit send.
They keep pushing it.. Welcome them to “block” and no contact.

Ok_Astronaut_3235 −  It’s not your business. Tell that to everyone! I can also strongly suspect your dad had affairs and thinks it’s justified.

DMmeNiceTitties −  Best thing you can do is stay out of it. Your dad messed up. Big time. It’s up to him to bend over backwards to mend things, not use you as proxy.

Spoonbills −  Dad, et al.: Son, go fix this s**tty gross thing I did.. Son: No.. ~ the end* ~. *repeat as necessary. Keep it simple. Don’t justify or argue or explain. Any justification gives them room to try to manipulate you.

Electronic-Cod-8860 −  It’s not possible for you to fix this. You have no role in this. It’s between your sister and your Dad. He stuck his nose where he had no business and he needs to apologize.

Repeat that as often as necessary to family pressuring you to intervene. Weird the Dad thinks his role is to advocate for her boyfriend against his daughter. Her boyfriend is an adult who can speak for himself in this matter.

Family disputes like this are complex, especially when sensitive topics and deep emotions are involved. Should the poster intervene to repair the relationship, or should this responsibility rest with the father who made the comment? How would you navigate such a challenging situation? Share your advice below!