[CRAZY UPDATE] My (21F) boyfriend (23M, 10 months) just told me today he doesn’t like the idea of present-giving and I shouldn’t expect any for Christmas. I’ve already spent $100+ on him.

A Reddit user shared their experience of a challenging situation with their boyfriend regarding Christmas gifts. Despite being in a relationship for 10 months, the boyfriend revealed he doesn’t believe in giving presents for Christmas, and this led to confusion and tension between them.

The user had already spent over $100 on a gift for him but later kept the gifts for herself after realizing he wouldn’t reciprocate. This caused a heated argument, and the boyfriend eventually bought her a gift, but his emotional reaction when the user didn’t give him a gift in return created more conflict. The situation left the user feeling confused and unsure of where the relationship stands.

‘ [CRAZY UPDATE] My (21F) boyfriend (23M, 10 months) just told me today he doesn’t like the idea of present-giving and I shouldn’t expect any for Christmas. I’ve already spent $100+ on him.’

Hello. Lots of s**t has happened since I wrote this post, and it’s been pretty hectic. I decided to keep the gift I got him. It was two games for the PS4, and because I like gaming and I didn’t have those games, I figured I’d keep them for myself. I knew taking them back would be pointless because I’d end up buying something similar anyway.

So, I opened them as I was feeling way too stressed about this and played them happily. It did cheer me up a bit, and so did calling a few friends. So, I decided to speak to him. I went over to his house and I asked him if this meant I’d not be getting presents for my birthday or Valentine’s either, and he said those holidays were different.

Apparently the only holiday he was against giving gifts on is Christmas. This confused me even more, as if he’s against present-giving, shouldn’t it be for ALL holidays and not just one? I asked him if it had to do with religious reasons and he said no, he just disliked the idea of Christmas and that was it.

He had been brought up thinking it wasn’t normal to give presents on Christmas. Then, I brought up another point that was mentioned a few times in the comments. How come I wasn’t an exception? I should be just a little bit important to him, I hope, and therefore he could have bought me something anyway just because I’m his girlfriend and it would have been nice to receive something.

He told me he’d never make an exception for anyone because those were his beliefs and anyone who dated him would need to understand and respect that. We argued for a LONG time, like I’m thinking we spent at least four hours just sitting in his room discussing why he was so against giving me anything.

Also, why was he so alright with buying me something for my birthday and Valentine’s, but not Christmas? I would understand if it was for religious reasons but he clearly stated it had nothing to do with that. He blamed it on his parents, which makes the next part even MORE INTERESTING. His mother comes into the room, asking us to come into the living room.

I knew they were leaving on the 24th for a small vacation, so I was wondering if this was a small goodbye or maybe even perhaps to scold us for yelling at each other. The house is big but I don’t doubt they could have heard a little bit. And then, I was speechless. Sitting on the f**king dining table are his parents and SIX WRAPPED UP GIFTS. I look at him. Like, really?

You don’t celebrate giving presents on Christmas because your parents are against it, BUT THEY DO? The parents sat us down and gave each of us a gift and told us to open it now and we’d have our own small Christmas just a day before. I opened it, was a lovely gift, thanked them, etc, all while killing my boyfriend mentally. I was a little annoyed. And then this happens.

He starts grinning while I’m glaring, and takes out a gift. For me. I want to cry at this point. What the f**k is actually going on? He hands me the gift, and it’s a Swarovski necklace, looking pretty expensive. He smiles, the parents leave to give us some space and I smile back, still REALLY F**KING CONFUSED.

He said it was hard to try and hide this gift while I was yelling at him earlier, but all along he HAD made an exception for me. All of it was a surprise. He doesn’t believe in present-giving, but still had bought me one anyway just because he thought I deserved it. So, at this point, he still doesn’t believe in giving anyone presents but he did buy me one.

I was immediately really happy and hugged him. It’s a lovely necklace, and I apologised over and over again for yelling. We have a really nice time and head back to the bedroom and watch tv, cuddling and having a sweet time. He then asks for his present. I tell him I’ve opened them already and kept them for myself, so I’m going to need time to buy him a new one.

He suddenly becomes furious. I explained he told me he wasn’t going to get me something, so OBVIOUSLY I wasn’t going to be giving him one if I wasn’t supposed to expect anything back. He gets really mad, saying I should have kept the present for him because in the end he did get me something. But how was I supposed to know that?!

He begins to scream about how I’m an ungrateful cow, and how he shouldn’t have spent a penny on me. His mother comes in, tells him to calm down, and he screams at me to leave the house and he never wants to see me again. I do, and take the necklace (perhaps a bad move :p).

I explained I will buy him a new gift, a better one, and still he’s too angry at me to understand he only needs to wait a day. I left and came home, REALLY F**KING CONFUSED. I tried calling and he hasn’t answered. I’ve been calling since I left the house three hours ago. Guys, I don’t know what to do.

I’m so f**king confused and today has been one hell of a day. Any advice in appreciated. I’m thinking of going back there tomorrow. I’m sorry if this wasn’t written the best way, my head is all over the place. I’ve also spoken to my best friends and they’re also confused as hell. Thanks in advance.

See what others had to share with OP:

shelbyknits −  Sooooo….he tells you that he doesn’t want to exchange gifts, then gets upset when you believe him? Sounds like a real winner you’ve got there.

[Reddit User] −  What happened here was, he had a very specific scenario worked out in which you were going to be swept off your feet by the surprise necklace. What he didn’t take into account is that when you surprise people, you risk them having an unpredictable reaction.

Now he’s butthurt that you didn’t react the way he scripted everything out in his head. I think you should send the necklace back and break up, but if you do try to work it out, you need to tell him to be more respectful and show more empathy. This whole exchange showed that, in the process of giving you a gift, he was entirely focused on himself.

NanaLeonie −  That is some weird game playing on the part of the bf. That kind of pranking and”gotcha” is just plain sicko. He kept you in his room FOUR damn hours telling you why he won’t give you a gift and then pulls the old “where’s my gift.” A friend doesn’t treat a friend like that.

I would not find his behavior forgivable and would return the necklace. And I surely would not want to spend the next few years trying to figure out when he is pranking me and when he is being truthful. I’d end the relationship.

Ultimate_Ginger −  He suddenly becomes furious. I explained he told me he wasn’t going to get me something, so OBVIOUSLY I wasn’t going to be giving him one if I wasn’t supposed to expect anything back. He gets really mad, saying I should have kept the present for him because in the end he did get me something. But how was I supposed to know that?!

He begins to scream about how I’m an ungrateful cow, and how he shouldn’t have spent a penny on me. His mother comes in, tells him to calm down, and he screams at me to leave the house and he never wants to see me again.

All the other (weird-ass, immature) stuff with the gift fakeout aside, this behavior is totally unacceptable. Don’t date men who throw insta-tantrums and scream at you. Getting *this mad* over something like this isn’t normal.

FlightyTwilighty −  *Looks at boyfriend’s age* Ummmmm…. 21, not 12? This is a maturity thing, or an empathy thing. Maybe his brain just hasn’t baked enough yet. But his reaction to your non-gift was a bit over the top. Is that kind of reaction normal?

The stance on presents is weird too. I mean it’s great he finally got you one, but the “gotcha” nature of the “surprise!” is a bit immature. What on earth did he expect? In some respects he’s young and maybe you should give him a pass for this, but your actions were by no means a “screaming yelling” cardinal sin type of offense. See if he calms down and what he says then.

[Reddit User] −  This was so painful to read from start to finish. Except where you got to play the Ps4. That was a cool part. Your boyfriend is really, really, exhaustingly immature. I think he is living in the Hollywood mentality where these big stupid surprise gestures make a relationship good, rather than comfortable and honest communication.

I’m not saying you have to break up with him immediately, but unless he snaps out of this really quick and learns how to be in a grown up, real life relationship… I dunno. This sounds terrible to have to deal with.

Edit: I just read where he called you a cow and screamed at you… I’ll admit I started skimming because I was cringing so hard and I missed that. Nope nope nope. D**p d**p d**p. Give the necklace back and enjoy the Ps4. Don’t you dare buy him anything, good lord woman, have some self-respect. This guy is horrible. He lost any consideration when he started scream and name calling. Jesus Christ. Please just move on.

threedeemelodie −  He gets really mad, saying I should have kept the present for him because in the end he did get me something. But how was I supposed to know that?! **He begins to scream about how I’m an ungrateful cow, and how he shouldn’t have spent a penny on me.** His mother comes in, tells him to calm down,

and **he screams at me to leave the house and he never wants to see me again. I do, and take the necklace** (perhaps a bad move :p). I explained I will buy him a new gift, a better one, and still he’s too angry at me to understand he only needs to wait a day. After the first bolded part, you should have been headed for the door without the necklace.

Taking the necklace just gives the screamer more “weight” over you. Send it back. No amount of necklaces or video games will outweigh the freedom of *no screaming about gifts*.. Not sure if we’re still together. Why the hell would you want to be after this? Are you nuts? A masochist?

kairosdreaming −  Give him back the necklace and get the heck out of there. My ex pulled something like this with me. We had a huge argument about marriage (he had never said he didn’t want to get married before, we were planning on buying a house, having kids, etc.) And when I brought it up wondering about a timeline he got mad,

explained why he didn’t want marriage, that if I wanted to be with him that’s how it was going to be…..I decided marriage wasn’t as important as being with him and stayed. He surprised me with an engagement ring 2 months later and a “I really threw you off didn’t I!?”

Shoulda been a sign that he really wasn’t a good person. And it was a prelude of the abuse that was to come. You don’t j**k someone around like that, get into arguments and upset them, and then randomly change your mind and expect to be applauded for it.. Run while you can OP.

Captain_Corelli −  Give the necklace back and get shot of him. Seriously he’s a f**king moron sure it looked good on paper but f**king stupid executing it. He could of just hidden it, jesus christ that was dumb and then to go off on you like that calling you names? F**k this guy surely by now you have had enough of the game playing.

[Reddit User] −  Your boyfriend is a batshit manipulator. Give back the f**king necklace and go no contact.

Was the boyfriend’s reaction justified, or should he have been more understanding of the user’s feelings? How would you handle a situation where a difference in expectations causes such a clash in a relationship? Share your thoughts below and join the conversation!