Boyfriend(24M) bought a dog knowing that I (24F) didn’t want one when we live together – what is the appropriate response?

A Reddit user shares their frustration after their boyfriend bought a dog, despite knowing they didn’t want one. The couple has been dating for nearly 4.5 years and living together since May. The user expressed their discomfort with the idea of getting a dog and made it clear to their boyfriend that they weren’t ready, but he went ahead and bought one anyway.

The situation has caused significant emotional distress, and the user is now questioning their relationship, especially since the boyfriend’s family is siding with him. To dive deeper into this dilemma and how others have reacted, read the full story below…

‘ Boyfriend(24M) bought a dog knowing that I (24F) didn’t want one when we live together – what is the appropriate response?’

I (24F) will admit that I’m part of the minority being that I don’t like dogs. I never understood the hype. My boyfriend (24M) is the opposite – he loves dogs, especially pugs, and he has had one growing up his entire life. We moved in together in May.

About a month ago, he brought up to me that he thinks we should get a dog. I knew that this would come up at some point in our relationship, but I didn’t think it would be before we’ve lived together for even a year.

(We’ve been dating for almost 4.5 years.) I told him I wasn’t ready yet, and I also told him that I do not think pugs are cute, and I’d rather we get a different dog. This is a HUGE compromise for me – simply implying I would get a dog in the future.

The next few days to a few weeks, he keeps showing me photos of pugs for sale. I keep not reacting to the photos because they are not cute to me. Then, last Monday, he tells me he set up a visit with a breeder to look at pugs on Friday. I start bawling my eyes out because I do not want a dog right now.

Before we go home separately for Thanksgiving, in front of his entire family, I make it clear I’m not ready for this and I don’t want a dog right now. I am thinking maybe he will just go and look – I look him dead in the eyes and say please do not buy one, I’m not okay with this.

(I truly in my heart didn’t believe that he would – he is not the spontaneous type.) On Friday, he sends me pictures and videos of pugs, to which I say nothing, and to which he says nothing. I think I’m in the clear. Then, Saturday comes. He tells me he needs to make money for the playpen he bought.

I ask why he bought one and he replies, “For the dog.” I thought he was kidding until I kept questioning it more and figured out he’s not. I broke down in tears in front of my entire family. At this point, I’m also upset about the fact that he didn’t tell me for an entire day, didn’t respect me saying I wasn’t ready, etc.

I get told I’m being irrational, not giving it a chance, would never get one, and so on. He can’t seem to understand that what he did was wrong and it’s making me question whether I want to be with him or not. Better yet, his entire family thinks I’m being stubborn and crazy. What is the appropriate response to situation? Is this worth breaking up for?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

sashaopinion −  It is absolutely worth breaking up over, and I say this as a dog person. A dog is a major commitment and you should both be enthusiastic about getting one.

The issue here is that you could not have been clearer and he is completely railroading you – if he does this about a dog what is he going to do about other major or frankly even minor issues? This is about a complete lack of care or respect for you and that’s the issue here, it’s not just about the dog.

dalealace −  Welp, I hope he’s happy with his pug because he lost a your trust, respect and probably the relationship.

darklingdawns −  You have been very, VERY clear with your boyfriend that you didn’t want a dog right now and that if you want a dog in the future, you do NOT want a pug. He ignored every single word you said, making a major life decision all on his own that he is undoubtedly going to expect you to help with.

Like kids, dogs are an ‘all in or all out’ proposition. Ask yourself if you’re willing to deal with this kind of behavior for the foreseeable future, and what exactly you’re getting out of your relationship that would make staying worthwhile. And keep in mind that if you take no action, you’re sending him the message that overriding you like this is perfectly fine.

Any_Calendar_3600 −  The appropriate response is: goodbye.

PeepingTara −  Honestly the relationship is doomed anyway. You’re incompatible, even if you relented and had said yes to the dog you’d have been harbouring resentment against it because it’s something you don’t want.

It’s ok to not like dogs or want to live with them and it’s ok to like dogs and have them in your life but there is no “have only half a dog” option. He can’t see a life where he doesn’t live with a dog and you cringe thinking about it, plus his favourite breed is one that you actively dislike.

I’d break up amicably and move out, you both need someone who wants to live the same way, not a polar opposite. Also he is a j**k for bringing a dog in after you said no, that was pretty rude.

crabcakecat −  I’d like to preface by saying I’m very much a dog person. What he did was incredibly m**ipulative and inconsiderate. He just showed you and everyone else how much he actually respects you. I’m fuming for you. I’d pack my s**t and give myself some peace and self respect for Christmas.

F**k that guy and his family. Let them think whatever they want. Four and a half years is nothing compared to the rest of your life. Cut your losses, you deserve someone who will respect you and your feelings.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I hope you have a nice rest of the holiday season with people who actually care for you ❤️

FairyCompetent −  Dog people and people who don’t want dogs will never be happy together.

DrHugh −  You were clear with him that you weren’t ready for a dog. He bought one anyway. You aren’t being irrational; he is. He is doing what he wants to do without regard to how it affects you.

If he doesn’t understand what was wrong with what he did, he will probably do something similar in some other aspect of your life, like buying a vehicle of some sort. Yes, this is worth breaking up for. This wasn’t a misunderstanding on his part.

It wasn’t some easily-reversed impulse purchase (like, say, buying an already-lit artificial tree from a home store, when you made clear you don’t like artificial trees). This was a methodically-planned activity from him that simply ignored your thoughts and feelings.

dice-enthusiast −  You communicated clearly and directly saying you weren’t ready yet, and didn’t want a pug. He keeps repeatedly ignoring that and sending you pictures of pugs anyway. It’s super rude and immature of him to continually ignore you.

I think it is worth having one more conversation in which you state explicitly that you aren’t ready yet, you don’t want a pug, and you’re hurt that he is ignoring your feelings. Lay everything out and let him decide if that is a deal breaker for him.

If he continues to brush you off or won’t engage in a real, honest dialogue about it, I would say that should be a deal breaker for you. He shouldn’t be allowed to walk all over you and ignore your feelings. If he can’t live without a pug and you don’t want one, you are not compatible

FatSadHappy −  This is absolutely breakup worthy situation. He did not bought u**y t-shirt, or tiny plant, he brought whole puppy home, against your wishes. It’s huge commitment of time, money and whole lifestyle.