Boyfriend Wants Me to Pay for Everything—Should I Break Up? UPDATE?
A Reddit user (28F) shared an update on her relationship after confronting her boyfriend (28M) about his demands for expensive gifts and experiences once he learned about her financial situation. After an initial conversation where he expressed remorse, things seemed to improve.
However, during a later argument, he said something hurtful about her not caring for him, which escalated further when he disclosed her financial status to friends, despite her asking him to keep it private. Feeling betrayed, she broke up with him, although she’s now worried about losing friends as well.
‘ Boyfriend Wants Me to Pay for Everything—Should I Break Up? UPDATE?’
So I didn’t automatically d**p my boyfriend. I decided I’d have a talk with him, I told him that it was basically really damn inappropriate to find out I have money and start making demands.
I told him I have no problems using my finances for our relationship but that he shouldn’t automatically expect that I’m going to put out money on very expensive things for him, just because.
He seemed very ashamed and agreed that it was a really crappy thing to do and he got carried away and a bit too excited. I told him I understood but to do that was very disrespectful to me and the time we’ve shared together because it made me feel like all of a sudden my money is what mattered.
For a little while it seemed all was well, then the other day we were having a minor argument over something that turned into a bigger argument and he said something along the lines of well you don’t even want to use what you have for us so maybe you’ve never f**king cared about me.
He got really quiet as though he knew that was a s**tty thing to say and we didn’t talk until 2 days later. I was really angry, I was going to talk things through with him. However this came the relationship fatality. He told a couple people we’re good with, despite me asking him to keep the money quiet,
that I was really rich and could afford tons of s**t. How did I find out, Saturday we all went drinking together, he gets a bit too much in his system and orders an expensive bottle of wine, one of our friends was like who orders that s**t, we’re good with our beers and that’s too expensive.
Our other friend piped up and was like no it’s good /u/FamilyHeiress is really rich, she can pick up our tab tonight, cue several other people who I’ve never told about my family’s money suddenly grilling me on why I never trusted them enough to tell them about my money and oh, thought we were friends that kind of thing.
I broke up with him the next day. He’s been blowing up my phone all day but f**k him, I could have moved past what he said the other day when we were arguing but to tell people I specifically asked him not to something I trusted him so much with. Yeah, I’ve lost a 3 year relationship and am probably going to lose a few friends as well.
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
[Reddit User] − Wow. Money sure does bring out people’s true colors. Whatever your reasons for keeping your money quiet, his reaction was entirely not cool. If you had married him and never told him about it and you were watching him struggle financially, ok sure,
I can see how that would be a breach of trust. But this? Good grief! Sorry OP, but it does look like he showed his true colors and you avoided a life of being mooched off of.
StyxFerryman − I am really amazed he openly said that to your friends after your talk. I don’t understand how he couldn’t know that telling anyone would s**ew his relationship with you. He kept his imbecility well hidden for 3 years 😀
Cultooolo − The easiest way to answer your friends (who don’t really sound like friends, sorry about that) is to simply say, “exbf was mistaken. My family has money. I do not.” If they ask for expensive loans or whatever, you just say it’s not in your budget.
Talk about your budget enough and they’ll get the hint. “Oh, I sew this new Michael Kors purse/amazing 3d printer/rare book. Wish I could have it, but it’s not in my budget.” All perfectly true. You set yourself a budget to live within, even if it’s well below your means. Or get friends who understand that concept.
Keelayna − I have a friend whom I met after he came into his money (from family) and he told me lots of stories of friends he lost because of the money.
Mainly they would ask for 10k here to help buy this and 20k there to help pay debt and after a little while he found they were avoiding him.
He finally realized they didn’t want to be asked to pay back the money so he said “listen guys, I care more about our friendship than the money. Forget about and let’s just be friends.”
At most it took 3 months for them to ask him for more money. S**tty people will always be s**tty people. You’ll find good ones out there who don’t care about your money.
[Reddit User] − So I didn’t automatically d**p my boyfriend.. bad move. However this came the relationship fatality.. I broke up with him the next day.
Great move. Be thankful you found out what he is really like before you married him.
I have a family friend. They are worth upwards of 300 million. She married the guy and had two kids. Right after that his true nature came out. They finally divorced and he went for the money grab.
AurelianoTampa − Ugh, totally sucks. When I read the original, it looked like it could have gone either way… it’s a shame it went south. Silver lining? Bullet dodged!
concernedbitch − People who react to learning something about you by grilling you about why you didn’t tell them answer their own question. You’re not losing friends. You’re losing baggage.
MsMoongoose − Wow, that is just beyond s**tty. Good for you for not taking any of that crap! A few years ago I inherited quite a bit of land when my grandfather died, worth maybe half a mil USD. I did tell people but thankfully none of my friends ever expected anything from me.
The only thing that ever happened was that a week after I sold some timber and got a nice lump sum of about 20k$, one of my friends dog got extremely sick, like she needed an operation the day after at the latest or she would die sick.
My friends sister (also my friend) who knew about the money I just got came to me and informed me of the situation and I immediately offered the 900$ to get the dog the help she needed. That was over two years ago,
my friend has payed me back in full in small, monthly payments and her dog is still alive and well. They never expected me to pay even though the sister knew I could, when I offereed my friend the money she had no idea I had it and almost refused.
After that I’ve recieved a lot of thanks for helping but my remaining inheritance has never been brought up again. That’s a more reasonable reaction in my world..
[Reddit User] − Kudos to you, OP. Ex-BF sounds like a d**k. I realize it’s one thing to not have money and want it all your life and not really have a clue how to get there. Frankly, mobility between economic classes is extremely difficult to accomplish.
But (a) it wasn’t his money, (b) he shouldn’t have expected you to spend it on him, (c) he NEVER should have told people especially after you specifically asked him not to, (d) he ordered an expensive bottle of wine to show off like a d**k, (e) your “friend” offered you to pay since you were loaded which is SO disrespectful and flat out preposterous,
and (f) for any of your “friends” getting b**t-hurt over not telling you how much money you have…it’s none of their GD business. I have many very good close friends and they could all be broke or billionaires and I’d never know the difference. It doesn’t concern me. God, the audacity of some people.
Glad you didn’t pay their stupid bar tab and glad you told your “green-eyed” ex to hit the road. He betrayed you and showed how little respect he has for you and now he just wants you back because you’re wealthy. Blech.